2009 Tour Announcement

[thehefner]

So I just won the CAFF lottery. That is, the Canadian Association of Fringe Festivals lottery, where you can apply for at least five Fringe Festivals in the CAFF union. There are ten winners selected in all: five Canadian, five international. Obviously, I was one of the latter. I figured my chances weren't too terrible, because who really has the time or sanity to devote to *five* whole Fringe festivals? Fuck, I nearly went mad doing three!

Now, I am officially signed up to perform THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES in...

New York City (Frigid): Feb. 25 – March 8, 2009
Montreal: June 11 - 21, 2009
Winnipeg: July 15 – 26, 2009
Indianapolis: Aug 21 – 30, 2009
Vancouver: September 9 - 20, 2009

I'm also almost certainly signed up for Orlando (May 14 - 25, 2009), to do the revised hour-long version of HOW HEFNERIAN, and as if that's not enough, I'm gonna shoot for Minnesota (July 30–Aug. 9, 2009), which I wouldn't do if I hadn't repeatedly heard how insanely awesome it is. So I'm definitely doing five festivals, probably six, and hopefully seven.

And maybe... I'm possibly considering doing Sydney, Australia in the Fall, after the US tour.

Oh my god. Oh my god. I need revise the Monologues soon. I need to get them fresh and tight, make them really mean something to me again. Not that they don't, but after performing this for a year and a half, you know what I mean. I need to get some kind of cheapie photoshop program to make posters. I need better marketing! "Meet the black sheep of the white bunny family" is tempting, but it might not be what I really need! What's better? "It's hard out there for a Hef?" GAH!

I need marketing people! I need a secretary! I need... I need a hundred beers! Exactly. Exactly a hundred, thank you.

I am having a heart attack. But in a good way. I think. I hope. I'm gonna die now.

Comments

[caligulette.livejournal.com]

Man, I'll be your secretary! I need a job, anyway!

As long as I don't have to wear one of those cliched secretary costumes. I'll dress like in Mad Men.

XD

Congrats, man!!!!!!!!!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Considering I'm probably not going to make a profit this year, or at least not much of one, I think all I can offer by way of payment are sexual favors and/or cookies. Plus all the comics I can lend!

Thanks, and see you tonight, whereupon I shall be stressed and drinking and wiped out!

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Come on over to my house! Come over and play!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Would you be able to house me for the ten days? Like, crash on a couch or something? I could bring my own mattress and everything! If it's not an imposition. I can always sign up to billet with a Fringe volunteer.

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

I mean, let me clear that with the family unit (unless I have an apartment by then!), but I'd be down for that.

[demonfafa.livejournal.com]

Wow! Winnipeg!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

It's supposedly a money maker. Because people in Winnipeg have nothing else to do, the town supposedly clears out to come see shows. The only trick is that I'm a newb, so I need to establish myself in previous festivals and try to glom onto a Fringe celebrity. Winnipeg is serious business!

[demonfafa.livejournal.com]

There are many places in America with nothing better to do and they still wouldn't see your show. It's not that your show is not any good - far from it - it's just that the thought of any kind of performance or absorbing "culture" is perceived as well, "queer."

Let's hope Canadians are more advanced, what with their free healthcare and green ways.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Totally. Well, that's what makes Indianapolis so funny. For a Bible Belt town, they apparently love the weirdo Fringe shows! I think I may actually do well there!

Yes, free healthcare, green ways, and girlfriends. They are coming out ahead.

[demonfafa.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah - I didn't get to meet your "Canadian Girlfriend."

Really, there's a joke in there somewhere, but do I really need to say it?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Dude, why do you think I call her my Girlfriend in Canada? I was calling her my Girlfriend in Canada ironically at first! Now, ironically, it's no longer ironic!

[demonfafa.livejournal.com]

To be fair, I've had a "Girlfriend in Illinois." Granted, not the same cultural significance, but I feel ya.

Let's put it this way: I hope your LD-relationship ends up better than mine did.

[tompurdue.livejournal.com]

Well, mazel tov. Go knock 'em dead. It'll be interesting to see how you play with people in an entirely different country. I know that it's still a Fringe Festival, and that Canadians are more like Americans than Nebraskans are, but it should be a fascinating comparison.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Every festival is radically different. It's certainly keeping me on my toes, that's for sure. All this is a learning experience. Hopefully in the future I can tailor my tours for which festivals would work better for whatever show I'd be doing. Like, if I have a gay-themed show with tons of awesome costume changes and musical numbers, I would make a fortune in Orlando.

[gore-whore-5.livejournal.com]

Holy shit! Kick ass with all of that, babe. [big squishy hugs]

[cisic.livejournal.com]

Congrats! I'm so jealous. I tried to get my group to submit to CAFF. But I'm not the company manager, so there is only so much I can do, and only so much energy I have to devote to it.

But I'm really excited for you.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

You still shooting for Orlando?

[superfan1.livejournal.com]

Congrats! and good luck.

[angrylemur.livejournal.com]

Oh my god!

John! That's so great!

We will skype soon, 'kay?

[viizou.livejournal.com]

Wow, impressive! I'll be sure to attend your show in Montreal!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Please do!

And if you can, please bring friends!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Huzzah, do so! Assuming I really am in, there's a wee question of that after all this, but I'll be sure to keep you posted!