thehefner | My Best Man Speech: A Hefner Monologue

Mawwage! Mawwage is wot bwings uf togevah... to-day!

Hey, someone had to say it, right?

Well, here we are. The big day. The day where we celebrate the union between Phoebe, the sister I never had, and Edd, the brother I never wanted. It can't be said that they exactly rushed into this headfirst, now can it? Nine bloody years, can you believe that? I wonder how many of us thought this would have happened a long time ago. And I think it's safe to say that... well, I'm sure there were a couple of people who saw this as inevitable from the word go, but it got to the point for all of us where... where I think we all knew it was just a matter of time. Even through the all the bumps... and boy, were there bumps. There always are bumps. There has to be.

See, I may be younger than most of you here, but what I've lacked in experience, I've made up for in observation. Growing up, I observed the relationships between people. Sometimes lovers, sometimes friends, sometimes family. And boy oh boy, when it comes to family, Edd and I have about six to choose from between us, don't we? And in all these observations, I wasn't just watching and studying to learn the secrets of human interaction or something. No, I had one goal above all others central in my mind. And that goal was simply this: to not make the same mistakes they did.

Hey, it's true. See, and this can probably be applied to everyone, but growing up, Edd and I... we were surrounded by tumultuous, troubled, and broken relationships. Now, now, that's not to say they all were, God no. But there was enough. Enough to make a... profound impact. Growing up like that can make a person jaded, y'know? Especially when the dreaded "L" word is involved. And no, it's not "lesbian."

It's a tricky thing, since the concept of... *shudder* "love"... is so fluid, so... elusive. I mean, how many times have we thought we were in love, only to look back on it and in retrospect apply it with a different label? "Oh, I wasn't in love, I was ________." Now don't get me wrong, I'm a hardcore romantic, as most of you who know me know all too painfully well. And I've since learned one of the hardest facts about love. It's that love is not what you feel for someone else. That just the feelings, just the desire of love is not enough to sustain a relationship. It just isn't. Relationships, be they between family, lovers, or even just friends, they require hard, serious work if they are to survive. I mean, I don't have to tell you this, I'm sure you all already know. I'm just... I'm just starting to figure it out myself.

And that's why Edd and Phoebe have become, for me... my highest role model of a loving relationship. They worked at it tirelessly over the years, just as they will have to continue to do in the coming years. And in those coming years they will succeed, they will survive, and they will persevere, just like they always have. Because they are driven by something that is, I believe, far rarer and more precious than most people might think. And there are times, when...
...
,,, there are times... when I feel like I would give anything to have what they have.

I am so, so happy for you. I love you both so much. I admire you both so much. And I just hope that everyone can have in their lives what you two have. Just for a little while.

So let's all raise our glasses yet again, and let's all get absolutely stinko. Because after all, it's not just Edd and Phoebe we're celebrating here.

It's wuv. Twue wuv.

Suffice it to say, the ceremony went off without a hitch. And I made lots and lots of people cry too, and with my words this time instead of getting naked!