still sick sick sick
Nov. 4th, 2003 12:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thehefnerWell, the sore throat and fever seem to be subsiding, but now I've got a mouth full of ulcers that make it painful to drink water, much less eat anything. On the plus side, I'm losing weight out of the deal. If only I'd gotten this thing during the last two weeks of Blue Surge rehearsal then I probably would have felt better about the naked scene. Seriously, though, the play turned out better than I could have hoped. For me, at least. Much thanks to the RMs who made the trek up and for their honest opinions. I seriously need to get back down there and re-join the cast.
First, though, I need to get better. This stinks, because feeling crappy has my mind going into all sorts of crappy places. I don't feel like working on homework, novels, reading, studying for exams, or anything, and if I try my mind always wanders back to wallowing thoughts of pain and various personal issues. I need to get well soon, so I can think again with a clearer mind, because until I do I'm gonna be stuck in this unhealthy, unproductive depression, and it's gonna make life suck for me and difficult for those around me.
Mainly, my thoughts are on how powerless I am, or at least how powerless I feel often times. I do not write this wallowingly, but rather analytically. In my sick haze, my thoughts are stuck on how I cannot change others, so therefore I must change myself. And then I think, wait, I thought I could change myself, but I really can't, not consciously at least. So crap, what the hell can I do?
I need to get better. Thinking about crap like this is taking up way too much of my time. For example, instead of writing this entry I should have been working to finish the last 2/3rd of my bio paper, due tomorrow. Or later today, I should say. So there you go. Hopefully come this weekend I shall be in better shape, since I don't want to subject anyone else to this version of me. Right, I'd better shut up before I start writing poetry or something. In which case shoot me, please. Just not in the mouth, it hurts like a son of a bitch.
First, though, I need to get better. This stinks, because feeling crappy has my mind going into all sorts of crappy places. I don't feel like working on homework, novels, reading, studying for exams, or anything, and if I try my mind always wanders back to wallowing thoughts of pain and various personal issues. I need to get well soon, so I can think again with a clearer mind, because until I do I'm gonna be stuck in this unhealthy, unproductive depression, and it's gonna make life suck for me and difficult for those around me.
Mainly, my thoughts are on how powerless I am, or at least how powerless I feel often times. I do not write this wallowingly, but rather analytically. In my sick haze, my thoughts are stuck on how I cannot change others, so therefore I must change myself. And then I think, wait, I thought I could change myself, but I really can't, not consciously at least. So crap, what the hell can I do?
I need to get better. Thinking about crap like this is taking up way too much of my time. For example, instead of writing this entry I should have been working to finish the last 2/3rd of my bio paper, due tomorrow. Or later today, I should say. So there you go. Hopefully come this weekend I shall be in better shape, since I don't want to subject anyone else to this version of me. Right, I'd better shut up before I start writing poetry or something. In which case shoot me, please. Just not in the mouth, it hurts like a son of a bitch.
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no subject
Date: 2003-11-04 12:26 am (UTC)Long story as to why not, but regardless, sorry again. I'm sure you were magnificent :) Feel better dear!