why I love working at the comic shop; OR, I love geeks

[thehefner]

A customer brings me a book to ring up. It would be business as usual... except I can't find the price anywhere on the book.

ME: (flipping the book around everywhere looking for the price) Hrrm? Hmmm... rrr?
CUSTOMER: Hey, I guess that's free, huh?
ME: RRRRARRRGH! No. (continues searching and grunting) Rrr... a-HA! Fifteen ninety-five. Forgive me, when I can't find the price I turn into the Frankenstein monster.
CUSTOMER: Gotcha.
ME: Money goooood. Fire bad!
CUSTOMER: I just don't want you turning green on me or anything.
ME: No, no, I'm the gray Frankenstein monster. Back from when he originally appeared.
CUSTOMER: Ahhh, so you're the Frankenstein monster from before they refined printing techniques.

This, my friends, is why I love working at the comic shop.

(NOTE TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL WE'RE TALKING ABOUT: The Hulk was originally gray before he was green. This was because the cheap printers in those days couldn't generate the proper green for the Hulk's skin. After a few issues, he did soon become the Jade Giant we know and love so well.)

Now if I can only find a girl with whom I can have conversations like this, I'll be set. That, and a book deal. And a job in a professional theater troupe. And ultimate power. But comic geek girl first and foremost.

Comments

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

If, by some chance, you find two comic geek girls, and you choose only one, send me the other.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Ummm... putting aside how impossible it shall be to find one (who's also straight, I might add... from experience of customers we get at our store), I'm gonna hold onto them both. Hard. I will dip them in mylar and keep them while they're in near-mint condition. And if I get really hard up, I'll sell one on ebay. But, tell you what, I'll give you first bid.

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

Will you accept money orders? I haven't got a credit card.

Although, seriously, there are straight comic geek girls. Or at least mostly-interested-in-guys bisexual comic geek girls. I've met them. They're usually already involved, is the thing.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Truuuue dat. Taken big time. Lucky bastards.

Do you know how hard it is to find a girl I can watch Justice League with?! And it's on tonight! *tear* I'm good now.

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

Livejournal has introduced me to lots of girls who watch Justice League. There have to be some in your area.

*wishes she had cable, so she could watch it, since people really seem to like it*

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

*waves* Um, hi! Comic-geek girl here, and a *sexy* one no less. Tho maybe I dont exist :D

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hey! That you are, on both counts. Don't think I haven't noticed.

But you live in Florida, which is kind of like limbo only more muggy. ;p

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

True. I love FL tho. Im probably biased because I was born here, or I'm just used to it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I was meaning to ask, just what do you DO for work that requires you to be up from midnight to whenthefuckever AM?

Secondly, are you aware of the BOOKS OF DOOM mini-series on its way out?

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

I work in a call center. The company I work for makes the GPS monitoring equipment used for criminals on house arrest and parole. Most of our customers are Departments of Correction. I take calls from a lot of parole officers who either need help with our hardware or software, need to do an order or return, or just want to check on an offender but dont want to have to start up their own computer. Im the only one who works the midnight shift, I have the building to myself until about 530 when people upstairs start to arrive. I have senority in the call center, I chose this shift because it's when I'd be awake ANYWAY. I love it.

And yes, my comic shop is very diligent in ordering ANYTHING and EVErYTHING that has Doom in it or on the cover for me :)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh god, that's... wacky's not the right word, but it's the only one I can think of. So, like, if I were to try to milk you for good stories about your life at this job involving parolees, would you have any? I only ask because at my brother's bachelor party, one of the guys there used to be a parole officer, and wow some of the stories he had to tell...

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

I have a couple good stories.. most of the funny stuff I could tell is only funny to those of us who work in the call center. Few people who don't know how the system works would really get a lot of this stuff.. but there are some universally funny stories. For instance one time a guy left home when he wasn't scheduled to, and the PO (that's parole officer) was so fed up that she had me send a message "Go home, or go to jail." and the guy's arrow on the map turned around and went back home. A coworker once got to send a message "Go home or pack your toothbrush." And I think the best story is of a Bounty Hunter (a bail bondsman used to use our system) who had us on the phone as he chased down this guy, and he left his cell phone on as he got into a fist fight with him.. it was funny and scary at the same time.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh man... especially that last one, that's awesome. Gotta use that in a story sometime.

Working in a comic shop, the worst we have to watch out for is Catpissman. Everyone comic store has a Catpissman.

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

eeewww...

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I just found the original essay some retailer wrote about how every comic store has a catpissman. It's ever so true. I'll post it sometime. Then again, I don't know how often you have to personally deal with parole-breakers and bail-jumpers or whatever the actual terms are that I'm missing and thus making a patootie of myself... well, I'd imagine them by and large not smelling much better.

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

It used to be that I NEVEr had to directly talk to the people actually wearing the equipment. Recently we introduced a new, lower level of supervision, no GPS tracking, literally just "home" and "away." These offenders, if they violate, I have to call them at home. When we found out that the CEO had promised this to FL DOC, the call center was OUTRAGED. At first my fears were unjustified, the offenders weren't rude. But some offenders are getting sick of us calling, and have become very beligerent. There are some people I just wont call anymore, our contract with FLDOC be damned.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine that convicted criminals (and correct me if I'm wrong, but that's what they all were/are, right?) would exactly be the nicest, most polite people to chat with.

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

All the ones that are part of the Department of Corrections are convicted, yes. Those on the lower level of supervision are mostly theft/drug offenses, so they range from polite to rude. Those on the most intensive GPS tracking are mostly sex offenders. Thank goodness I dont have to talk to them.. yet..