Another Kevin Press Release
Nov. 18th, 2005 11:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thehefnerFrom ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fishymcb:
Hey, kids! Who? Oh, come on. Don't play dumb with me, you little wise ass. Yeah, you. Oh, quit crying. That's not going to get you anywhere in life. Yeah, sure, I cried when I was your age too, and look where it got ME. What? Oh, no, don't tell your mother! I didn't mean it, I swear! Here, just c'mere and have a cookie. You like Oreos? Of course you do. Now I just want to tell you about a little play, and then you can go back to watching Dora the Explorer. Whew.
Did you see the wildly popular 2004 film "Closer"? Of course you did; only Republicans and closet cases missed out on that movie! Sure, it was great, but deep down, didn't you feel unfulfilled? Maybe you had to sit in front of some gum-smacking, ghetto-fabulous nail salon diva who kept leaning over to her girlfriend to offer nuggets of wisdom like, "Oh mah god, I think that's the girl who had a baby in the Wal-Mart in that other movie!". Perhaps you were baffled by the representation of Julia Roberts as some sort of a sex symbol - to quote Family Guy, "Have you seen the lips on that woman? Like a baboon's ass on her face!" Or maybe you just thought the story lacked a little something. You know, like subplots of self-mutilation or an ending that actually tied the story together in more than an off-hand reference. I bet you found yourself thinking, "If only someone could adapt this movie into a really good play. Maybe then I would stop eating dry cat food when no one is looking."
WELL...YOU ARE IN LUCK! Sorry, I didn't mean to shout. Here, give the baby to me. I'll rock her back to sleep. Where were we? Yeah, right. It turns out that there is a stage version of "Closer", and it existed before the movie! I've heard that it actually inspired the movie, and that much of the plot and dialogue is identical! Doesn't that just beat all? Well, strap on your bike helmet, Slappy, because it gets better! You can see this play performed by real live humans this very weekend! But I know, I know. You think there has got to be some kind of catch. It's probably being performed in a domed pleasure resort on a remote island off of mainland China, and only the ten richest sultans of the world will be invited to see it. Phooey.
Not true, as it turns out! Why, it's being hosted by the DC Arts Center, right in your back yard! No, not literally your back yard. That's Dad's old tool shed you see, not a black box theatre. A real black box theatre has a lot less rakes. But the DC Arts Center is located at 2438 18th Street NW, in Washington DC, which is practically in your back yard! Even if it's not, there's no need to fear! Top engineers from around the globe have made great strides in perfecting the old trolley model of mass transit, and have developed a new sort of electric car that can be used to transport people and materials from one locale to another. They call this futuristic device the "rail car", or "subway". Utilizing the "rail car" technology, Washington D.C. has marketed something called the Metro, which delivers passengers from the outlying suburbs of the nation's capital to all points of interest within the city! WOWEE! It just so happens one of these "Metro" stations is located at Woodley Park/Adams Morgan, on something called the "red line", and this station is just 3/4 of a mile away from the theatre! Holy crap, that's close! If I were still in any kind of physical shape, I could run that distance in 3:30 minutes; however, I've really gone to shit since I quit cross country in high school to start doing theatre. And really, that's what this is all about! Theatre!
Okay, now you know how to get there. But when should you get there? And how much should you pay? You'd look pretty damn foolish if you paid a hundred dollars to sit in an empty theatre. Unless your name is Tom Clancy and you get off on spending money just for the sport of it, I don't recommend this approach. After throwing darts at a calendar, the cast and crew settled on three handy-dandy show times: Friday, November 18 (SIX MORE DAYS OF CHOLERA TIL THANKSGIVING) at 10 PM, Saturday, November 19 (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SCORPIOS!) at 3 PM, and Saturday, November 19 (TWO SHOWS IN ONE DAY? HAVE MERCY!) at 10 PM. Admission is $15, which is a much better use of your money than fifteen baked potatoes from Wendy's, where you just know that dead-eyed burger monkey who cooked them didn't wash his hands. And hey, if you need to get nice and soused before you can let your guard down and enjoy a sexually provocative play, there will be wine and beer sold in the lobby before the show and during intermission (and water and soda for you tree-hugging weenies)! Yes, you can even take drinks into the theatre! Be warned, however: if you drop a beer bottle with a "thud" and it starts rolling across the floor, the actors will stop whatever they are doing and bludgeon you to death with sex toys.
Okay, so now those nit-picky know-it-all left-brain types have been satisfied, why the hell should you care about this show? Who is in it? Nobody famous, I'm sure. Au contraire, Chachi! Which of course is French for, "Wrong, Chachi!". This show stars the immortal icon of Live Journal and stage, John Mbutu Hefner! If you didn't get enough of him in "Blue Surge", then...umm...you've got problems, because he was bare-ass naked for several minutes. Anyway, watch everyone's favorite non-senile Hefner tackle the role of Dan with a strategically placed laptop computer and a gritty yet gentle realism that you just don't get from that pretty-boy jagoff Jude Law! Marvel as he gives a subdued, multi-layered performance that you wouldn't expect from any Washington College graduate! But what if John Hefner isn't your cup of tea? Then, you can always GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, BECAUSE YOU ARE A FILTHY EVIL PILE OF RAT DROPPINGS WHO IS UNWORTHY OF LOVE! Or, perhaps you will appreciate the equally skilled performances of his fellow Rude Mechanicals: Director Scott Alan Small as Larry (wow! He plays both ways - just like Babe Ruth before he got too drunk and fat to pitch), Ty Hallmark as Anna (Yeah, I think that's her real name. Neat, huh?), and Elise Berg as Alice (hey, someone who can play this role without the stench of the "Star Wars" prequels hanging over her head!). All have fantastic chemistry, and not the boring Periodic Table kind that you slept through in high school. You'll want to invite them to your next office holiday party or family intervention! They probably won't come, though. I hear they hate people of all races.
Really, what's left to say? Closer. Friday and Saturday. Rude Mechanicals. DC Arts Center. Hefner. Be there.
P.S.: No fictitious small children were harmed or mentally scarred in the making of this Live Journal shill. Some day, I will get the help that I sorely need. But not today...I have Police songs to download.
fishymcb:Hey, kids! Who? Oh, come on. Don't play dumb with me, you little wise ass. Yeah, you. Oh, quit crying. That's not going to get you anywhere in life. Yeah, sure, I cried when I was your age too, and look where it got ME. What? Oh, no, don't tell your mother! I didn't mean it, I swear! Here, just c'mere and have a cookie. You like Oreos? Of course you do. Now I just want to tell you about a little play, and then you can go back to watching Dora the Explorer. Whew.
Did you see the wildly popular 2004 film "Closer"? Of course you did; only Republicans and closet cases missed out on that movie! Sure, it was great, but deep down, didn't you feel unfulfilled? Maybe you had to sit in front of some gum-smacking, ghetto-fabulous nail salon diva who kept leaning over to her girlfriend to offer nuggets of wisdom like, "Oh mah god, I think that's the girl who had a baby in the Wal-Mart in that other movie!". Perhaps you were baffled by the representation of Julia Roberts as some sort of a sex symbol - to quote Family Guy, "Have you seen the lips on that woman? Like a baboon's ass on her face!" Or maybe you just thought the story lacked a little something. You know, like subplots of self-mutilation or an ending that actually tied the story together in more than an off-hand reference. I bet you found yourself thinking, "If only someone could adapt this movie into a really good play. Maybe then I would stop eating dry cat food when no one is looking."
WELL...YOU ARE IN LUCK! Sorry, I didn't mean to shout. Here, give the baby to me. I'll rock her back to sleep. Where were we? Yeah, right. It turns out that there is a stage version of "Closer", and it existed before the movie! I've heard that it actually inspired the movie, and that much of the plot and dialogue is identical! Doesn't that just beat all? Well, strap on your bike helmet, Slappy, because it gets better! You can see this play performed by real live humans this very weekend! But I know, I know. You think there has got to be some kind of catch. It's probably being performed in a domed pleasure resort on a remote island off of mainland China, and only the ten richest sultans of the world will be invited to see it. Phooey.
Not true, as it turns out! Why, it's being hosted by the DC Arts Center, right in your back yard! No, not literally your back yard. That's Dad's old tool shed you see, not a black box theatre. A real black box theatre has a lot less rakes. But the DC Arts Center is located at 2438 18th Street NW, in Washington DC, which is practically in your back yard! Even if it's not, there's no need to fear! Top engineers from around the globe have made great strides in perfecting the old trolley model of mass transit, and have developed a new sort of electric car that can be used to transport people and materials from one locale to another. They call this futuristic device the "rail car", or "subway". Utilizing the "rail car" technology, Washington D.C. has marketed something called the Metro, which delivers passengers from the outlying suburbs of the nation's capital to all points of interest within the city! WOWEE! It just so happens one of these "Metro" stations is located at Woodley Park/Adams Morgan, on something called the "red line", and this station is just 3/4 of a mile away from the theatre! Holy crap, that's close! If I were still in any kind of physical shape, I could run that distance in 3:30 minutes; however, I've really gone to shit since I quit cross country in high school to start doing theatre. And really, that's what this is all about! Theatre!
Okay, now you know how to get there. But when should you get there? And how much should you pay? You'd look pretty damn foolish if you paid a hundred dollars to sit in an empty theatre. Unless your name is Tom Clancy and you get off on spending money just for the sport of it, I don't recommend this approach. After throwing darts at a calendar, the cast and crew settled on three handy-dandy show times: Friday, November 18 (SIX MORE DAYS OF CHOLERA TIL THANKSGIVING) at 10 PM, Saturday, November 19 (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SCORPIOS!) at 3 PM, and Saturday, November 19 (TWO SHOWS IN ONE DAY? HAVE MERCY!) at 10 PM. Admission is $15, which is a much better use of your money than fifteen baked potatoes from Wendy's, where you just know that dead-eyed burger monkey who cooked them didn't wash his hands. And hey, if you need to get nice and soused before you can let your guard down and enjoy a sexually provocative play, there will be wine and beer sold in the lobby before the show and during intermission (and water and soda for you tree-hugging weenies)! Yes, you can even take drinks into the theatre! Be warned, however: if you drop a beer bottle with a "thud" and it starts rolling across the floor, the actors will stop whatever they are doing and bludgeon you to death with sex toys.
Okay, so now those nit-picky know-it-all left-brain types have been satisfied, why the hell should you care about this show? Who is in it? Nobody famous, I'm sure. Au contraire, Chachi! Which of course is French for, "Wrong, Chachi!". This show stars the immortal icon of Live Journal and stage, John Mbutu Hefner! If you didn't get enough of him in "Blue Surge", then...umm...you've got problems, because he was bare-ass naked for several minutes. Anyway, watch everyone's favorite non-senile Hefner tackle the role of Dan with a strategically placed laptop computer and a gritty yet gentle realism that you just don't get from that pretty-boy jagoff Jude Law! Marvel as he gives a subdued, multi-layered performance that you wouldn't expect from any Washington College graduate! But what if John Hefner isn't your cup of tea? Then, you can always GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, BECAUSE YOU ARE A FILTHY EVIL PILE OF RAT DROPPINGS WHO IS UNWORTHY OF LOVE! Or, perhaps you will appreciate the equally skilled performances of his fellow Rude Mechanicals: Director Scott Alan Small as Larry (wow! He plays both ways - just like Babe Ruth before he got too drunk and fat to pitch), Ty Hallmark as Anna (Yeah, I think that's her real name. Neat, huh?), and Elise Berg as Alice (hey, someone who can play this role without the stench of the "Star Wars" prequels hanging over her head!). All have fantastic chemistry, and not the boring Periodic Table kind that you slept through in high school. You'll want to invite them to your next office holiday party or family intervention! They probably won't come, though. I hear they hate people of all races.
Really, what's left to say? Closer. Friday and Saturday. Rude Mechanicals. DC Arts Center. Hefner. Be there.
P.S.: No fictitious small children were harmed or mentally scarred in the making of this Live Journal shill. Some day, I will get the help that I sorely need. But not today...I have Police songs to download.
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