Phase one, get through the damn thing. Phase three, profit. Or at least, progress.

[thehefner]

Y'know, I tried not to let the bad reviews of me in THE DAVID DANCE get me down. I took it up with the director, who told me not to worry about it, what do they know, you're doing what I told you to do, and so on. Sure, it still bugged me, but I didn't try to think about it. But they stayed with me, still nagging away at me. When I started actively freaking out when people I know showed up to see the show, I figured it was time to face up to a deeply unpleasant fact:

It ain't my best work.

Here's the thing. I know I'm a good actor. Or at least, I can be when I'm given a good director. Several times over the past month and a half I thought about going up here and bitching about my director's utter lack of giving direction, how he rarely ever gave me input or insight, and would frequently give us all line-readings. Aren't line-readings, like, federal offenses in the theatre world?

I was given jack. And while there are several kinds of roles where I know how to command attention, to work a crowd, to be an audience whore even... this ain't one of those roles. This is one of those roles that I (at least thought) I always wanted to do more of-- down to earth, realistic, dramatic roles with humor. Not clowns or comic relief, the roles I frequently get cast in, and for good reasons, I understand and don't dislike that in the least. But I'm just not experienced here, damn it all.

One of the reasons Good was one of my best performances, if not the best performance, I have ever done is because of the deep bond and trust I had with my director Jason Rubin. Here, I got nothing and I did the best I could with nothing. It's a sobering thing, after a couple years of putting out some-- if I may say-- pretty darn good shows and feeling pretty darn good about yourself, only to find out how you really are without a director honing and focusing you.

So what's to be done? Well, graduate school, for one thing. Or at the very least, maybe it's time I took advantage of this break to sign up with some classes at Shakespeare Theatre or Studio. That's clearly what needs to happen.

I just hate that I still have two more performances of this ahead of me. Two more opportunities to go up there and make an arse of myself and not know what the hell I can do to improve myself. GAHH! Suffice it to say, if any of you were thinking of maybe not making it to this one, I won't be heartbroken.

Ach, ok, I'm done. Just needed to get that out there. Shit. Ok. Moving on now.

Comments

[cavenessity.livejournal.com]

Buck up lil camper :) Like other poster said, it's all a learning experience.

And hey, at least you got reviewed!!! I haven't been able to get my ass in anything that's gotten a review in a long while now (hope that cuckoo's nest does ;p)

[tompurdue.livejournal.com]

Make sure you post those show dates. You have the potential to be a truly magnificent Nurse Ratched.

[cavenessity.livejournal.com]

Will do, and thanks for the vote of confidence! I am certainly going to do my damndest to ;)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I dunno, I think getting singled out might be worse than getting ignored. Or maybe not; attention is attention, after all.

If you don't get mentioned in Cuckoo's Nest, that'd really blow. Which simply won't happen, because yeah, you in that play? Hells yeah. Cannot WAIT.

[cavenessity.livejournal.com]

Eh, be an attention whore I say ;)

Aw, thanks hon :)