![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thehefnerSo yesterday I watched David Cronenberg's CRASH. No, not the "racism is bad, mmmkay?" Oscar-bait; I mean the one about people who get sexually turned on by car crashes. Because the film's subject matter almost certainly demanded it, it starred James Spader. Well, of course it starred James Spader. Any movie about sexual deviancy seems required to star James Spader.
There was really one reason and one reason only why I wanted to watch this movie now. No, it wasn't because I love David Cronenberg, because I do. THE FLY, DEAD RINGERS, VIDEODROME, EXISTENZ, all great movies. But no, that wasn't the reason. I'll get to that reason in a second.
First of all, let me just say... wow. No movie has ever made sex seem so boring, unpleasant, unenjoyable, and plain stupid. I understand that he was trying to depict a group of people so completely disaffected and detached sexually that they need the excitement of car crashes to get it up, but man, that sure does not make for interesting characters you really wanna follow.
And man, there is a LOT of uninteresting disinterested sex in this movie. Every major character fucks the other at some point or other, much of the time for no real reason that seems to advance the plot or enrich the characters in any way. I mean, I almost feel like this movie would have seriously benefited from being a porno, if they actually were having sex, but then I don't know if it would make it any more interesting.
It's just somehow not interesting to watch bored and disaffected people fuck a lot. It really isn't. There wasn't nearly as much sex directly related to violent car crashes as I'd been lead to expect. And sure, it still would have been pretentious, but at least it would have been interesting! As it was, every single person delivered even their most mundane lines in a smoky, sensual, erotically bored fashion. And if that wasn't bad enough, the dialogue itself was painful half the time. I mean, you have this one long extended scene with Spader fucking Deborah Kara Unger (whom I truly believe I recall seeing able to act in previous movies), and the entire time she slowly (and still looked bored) delivers the following monologue as he's pumping into her:
Is he circumcised? Can you imagine what his anus is like? Describe it to me. Would you like to sodomize him? Would you like to put your penis right into his anus, thrust it up his anus? Tell me, describe it to me. Tell me what you would do. How would you kiss him in that car? Describe how you'd reach over and unzip his greasy jeans, then take out his penis. Would you kiss it or suck it right away? Which hand would you hold it in? Have you ever sucked a penis? Do you know what semen tastes like? Have you ever tasted semen? Some semen is saltier than others. Vaughan's semen must be very salty.
(BTW, I had to Google search for that with the only words I could remember from it, now I have a record for making a Google search of "crash salty anus.")
I mean, let me see if I get this right. This is a movie about people so bored, disaffected, and detached that all they can do is joylessly fuck one another, and so they turn to car crashes to get off. Dear lord people, if you're so bored, take up a hobby. Knitting, maybe. Don't go from 0 straight to "car crash sex." And still, there was that one reason I was seeing this movie in the first place.
Three words: "Open Wound Fucking." And really, upon actually seeing Spader fuck Rosanna Arquette's (maybe it's because I'm not as much a "child of the 80's" in the same sense as many of you, but damn, I do not find that woman attractive!) thigh wound, I gotta say, that was about as horrifying as it was stupid. I mean, really-- as I've remarked elsewhere, were I to incorporate it into my Two-Face/Typhoid Mary fanfiction, I could do open-wound-fucking WAY better than this movie. Yes, I know there really is no good contextual way to say that. I take consolation in the fact that more than half of you are just skimming a post this long.
So yeah, Cronenberg's done better. I think he really needs the freedom of the realms of sci-fi and horror to let his real messages come to life. In CRASH's defense, though, I will say that the last scene and those last lines were perfect. God, I got *chills*, man. They stayed with me all day, and almost make me want to re-evaluate the whole movie. Almost.
There was really one reason and one reason only why I wanted to watch this movie now. No, it wasn't because I love David Cronenberg, because I do. THE FLY, DEAD RINGERS, VIDEODROME, EXISTENZ, all great movies. But no, that wasn't the reason. I'll get to that reason in a second.
First of all, let me just say... wow. No movie has ever made sex seem so boring, unpleasant, unenjoyable, and plain stupid. I understand that he was trying to depict a group of people so completely disaffected and detached sexually that they need the excitement of car crashes to get it up, but man, that sure does not make for interesting characters you really wanna follow.
And man, there is a LOT of uninteresting disinterested sex in this movie. Every major character fucks the other at some point or other, much of the time for no real reason that seems to advance the plot or enrich the characters in any way. I mean, I almost feel like this movie would have seriously benefited from being a porno, if they actually were having sex, but then I don't know if it would make it any more interesting.
It's just somehow not interesting to watch bored and disaffected people fuck a lot. It really isn't. There wasn't nearly as much sex directly related to violent car crashes as I'd been lead to expect. And sure, it still would have been pretentious, but at least it would have been interesting! As it was, every single person delivered even their most mundane lines in a smoky, sensual, erotically bored fashion. And if that wasn't bad enough, the dialogue itself was painful half the time. I mean, you have this one long extended scene with Spader fucking Deborah Kara Unger (whom I truly believe I recall seeing able to act in previous movies), and the entire time she slowly (and still looked bored) delivers the following monologue as he's pumping into her:
Is he circumcised? Can you imagine what his anus is like? Describe it to me. Would you like to sodomize him? Would you like to put your penis right into his anus, thrust it up his anus? Tell me, describe it to me. Tell me what you would do. How would you kiss him in that car? Describe how you'd reach over and unzip his greasy jeans, then take out his penis. Would you kiss it or suck it right away? Which hand would you hold it in? Have you ever sucked a penis? Do you know what semen tastes like? Have you ever tasted semen? Some semen is saltier than others. Vaughan's semen must be very salty.
(BTW, I had to Google search for that with the only words I could remember from it, now I have a record for making a Google search of "crash salty anus.")
I mean, let me see if I get this right. This is a movie about people so bored, disaffected, and detached that all they can do is joylessly fuck one another, and so they turn to car crashes to get off. Dear lord people, if you're so bored, take up a hobby. Knitting, maybe. Don't go from 0 straight to "car crash sex." And still, there was that one reason I was seeing this movie in the first place.
Three words: "Open Wound Fucking." And really, upon actually seeing Spader fuck Rosanna Arquette's (maybe it's because I'm not as much a "child of the 80's" in the same sense as many of you, but damn, I do not find that woman attractive!) thigh wound, I gotta say, that was about as horrifying as it was stupid. I mean, really-- as I've remarked elsewhere, were I to incorporate it into my Two-Face/Typhoid Mary fanfiction, I could do open-wound-fucking WAY better than this movie. Yes, I know there really is no good contextual way to say that. I take consolation in the fact that more than half of you are just skimming a post this long.
So yeah, Cronenberg's done better. I think he really needs the freedom of the realms of sci-fi and horror to let his real messages come to life. In CRASH's defense, though, I will say that the last scene and those last lines were perfect. God, I got *chills*, man. They stayed with me all day, and almost make me want to re-evaluate the whole movie. Almost.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 12:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 01:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 04:30 am (UTC)Sounds like most porn to me.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 04:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 08:09 am (UTC)I learned that one in Amsterdam.
/kiddding
//or not
no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 08:12 am (UTC)May I metaquotes this?
/have pity, I just got back from seeing The DaVinci Code
no subject
Date: 2006-06-17 03:28 pm (UTC)"I rented David Cronenberg's CRASH today purely for the scene of open-wound fucking. And let me say, with Harvey and Mary, I could do open-wound fucking WAY better than this movie!"
So yeah, please do go for it!
Oh my god, you poor, poor girl!