update on job thing

[thehefner]

So we still haven't found a replacement for me on Sunday at the comic shop. My boss Peter assures me that we'll figure it out one way or another, but he's never been this pissed at me before. Mainly because, in all my years working there, I've never fucked up like this before.

He said, "Tomorrow, you and I are gonna have to have a very long, serious talk. I was thinking about giving you more hours, but now I'm not so sure..."

Which kinda bugs me, because yeah, it's a serious fuck up, BUT it's my very first serious fuck up in the, what, eight years I've worked there. And also, I was promised more hours four years ago, and they left me in the lurch. NOW they were thinking of giving me more hours, when I'm earning little more than minimum wage as it is?

So it looks like I'm gonna get stripped-down hours, compared to maybe another hundred bucks a week or something that the more hours would give me. And y'know, I spent all day feeling like shit, feeling guilty, beating myself up over all this, because I hate hate hate fucking up, I take it way more seriously than I should...

And yet, an hour ago, I was thinking to myself, I wish he would fire me.

Because I realized how much I was clinging to that job. I didn't go look for another job, a better-paying real grown-up kind of job because I was terrified of the unknown. What if it consumed my life? What if I couldn't act? What if there wasn't enough downtime for me to work on my writing? What if I was miserable there? Meanwhile, I had the comic shop-- steady but low pay, customers I could handle, surrounded by comics. I clung to it, telling myself that I was making do, hoping I'd get paying acting roles or a published book soon.

But now, after this major cock-up on my part and looking at Peter's reaction, I realized that maybe, just maybe, it's finally time to get a real job.

So I'm gonna go into work tomorrow. And I'm gonna let Peter tear me a new one. And possibly my main boss too, if he's also pissed at me. And then... I'm gonna look into better jobs. Real jobs. The kind that pay well and actually have benefits and stuff.

Maybe it's finally time to grow up.

I just hope I can find a good job.

Comments

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Heh, more like I let *them* down, but whatever. This just might be the wake-up call I've needed.

[bimmin.livejournal.com]

I guess I'm dorky old school in that I feel 8 years of dedication should be rewarded with some understanding. Screw ups happen to us all. Like you say though, embrace it as a wake up, find a new, better job...

...then conquer the world...

...then defeat Richards...