thehefner | I am Heflet, the Cheese Danish!

In response to my previous entry,

fiveseconddelay wrote the following entry. I wasn't going to post this here initially, just because it's just comprised almost entirely on in-jokes, but now I'm curious to see who gets what. Because if you get it, it's pretty damn funny. Enjoy, if you can.

***

Gertrude: "Good Heflet, cast they nighted colour off."
Heflet [singing]:"I said 'Doctor, tell me what to take!' I said 'Doctor, to remove this belly-ache!'"

Laertes: "I'll touch my point with this contagion, that, if I gall him slightly, it may be death."
Heflet [offstage]: "You can kill me, but another will take my place!"

Ophelia: "For the last time, my name's not Tammy!"

Heflet: "What is he whose grief bears such an emphasis? This is I, Batman!"
Laertes: "Oh God! He's got a cape!"
Heflet: "Of course you know, now I have to beat the shit out of you!"

Heflet: "Dost thou think Alexander looked o' this fasion i' the earth?"
Horatio: "E'en so."
Heflet: "And tasted so? Pftftftftftftft!"
Horatio: "...E'en so, my lord."
Heflet [upending skull and tonguing the eye socket]: "Mmmmmmm! Braiiiins!"
Horatio: "..."

Heflet: "Give me your pardon, sir: I've done you wrong; but pardon't, as you are a gentleman. This presence knows, and you must needs have heard, how I am punish'd with sore distraction. What I have done, that might your nature, honour and exception roughly awake, I here proclaim was madness. Was't Hamlet wrong'd Laertes? Never Hamlet: If Hamlet from himself be ta'en away, and when he's not himself does wrong Laertes, then Hamlet does it not, Hamlet denies it. Who does it, then? His madness: if't be so, Hamlet is of the faction that is wrong'd; his madness is poor Hamlet's enemy. Sir, in this audience, let my disclaiming from a purposed evil free me so far in your most generous thoughts, that I have shot mine arrow o'er the house, and hurt my brother."
Laertes [recalling Sean's First Rule of Stage Combat]: "No fucking way, psycho-boy."

***

Oh, FSD, I do love ya so.

Seriously, though, I do so desperately want to play Hamlet. I mean, I desperately want to play something worthwhile and meaningful anyway, since I haven't done a role like that since CLOSER... maybe not even since GOOD and VIGIL... but especially Hamlet.

... I'll save HEFLET for Pirate Theatre with Val.