hulk feels... cold...

[thehefner]

Okay. While I am not one given to abject bitching, today fucking blows. It blows as a result of little things building up for the past couple of days, and while I didn't think it was going to bother me, it blows because of tomorrow.

The aforementioned little things include the little date that went nowhere when she saw my Senator Kelly campaign bumper sticker (a little bit of promotional material from the first X-MEN movie). She was horrified to think I was a Republican... until she realized, oh no, it's even worse, he's a huge flaming comic geek. Then there's the creeping growth of snark and asshattery on my beloved scans_daily, reminding me of the bad old days of trying to be the voice of reason on the DC Comics message boards. And then there's the fact that one of my good friends is now giving me the silent treatment.

But at least I had Speakeasy, which they said would be going up rain or shine. Well, as this weather is utter horrid crap, they ended up canceling, so no Hefner Monologue live tonight. It's a wise decision, no argument... but man, of all the bloody days for an ice storm...

And y'know, I wasn't really all that bothered by Valentine's Day coming up, but today is just making it worse. Sure, I'm disappointed that I actually am going to be single for V-day once more, even though I had truly though this would be my year... but it was a healthy enough relationship and I'm in a healthy enough place emotionally that I can be honestly happy for everyone out there who's going to spend their V-day with their loved ones.

But all the damn commercials haven't helped matters. No, I wasn't prepared for those. Of course, they're mostly insidious anyway, like the late-night ads for some adult version of Build-a-Bear Factory. Have you seen these? I asked my mother what woman would actually want their boyfriend to get them a custom-made teddy bear, and she said, "Oh god, no, it makes perfect sense to me, absolutely. It says that he's been *thinking* about her."

I immediately wanted to poo-poo (pooh-pooh?) that idea, when I admitted, "Well, actually, if I got a Green Lantern bear, I would be touched. No, wait, even better! Ohh, if Bloo and I were still together, she could get me a Two-Face bear! She wouldn't even have to buy it, she could just have burned half a teddy bear!"

Mom and I are both rather deeply enamored of the idea. What does it say about me that I'm both giggling and a little melancholic at the thought?

I was considering maybe going ahead and just recording myself doing my Hefner Monologue with my iSight, but I'd really rather have an actual mic. Preferably a wireless mic so I can be free to recording myself telling stories like "Drunk in Bath," though I'd imagine that'd cost a pretty penny. And thanks to the gorram frelling* weather, all Best Buys and Circuit Cities are beyond my reach.

However, the weather did allow me to finally use this icon. So there's that. Even if it is causing my top lip to constantly split open each time I smile, no matter how much Blistex I apply.

And finally, I read Grant Morrison's much-awaited issue of BATMAN featuring the return of the Joker, which is being released tomorrow. Ohhh, I'm gonna dedicate a whole post of bitchery to that one.

I can't even go work out to make myself feel better, since the gym is closed. And so I have come here, to expunge all manner of bitchery out of my system to you, my sympathetic and skimmer friends alike. Now it's time to do something rather than merely wallow! Therefore, I prescribe myself copious amounts of movies and booze.

In case I don't post tomorrow, have a happy Valentine's Day, everyone. I understand some single women spend it buying themselves flowers. I'll be at home burning half of a teddy bear.


*I only curse in Whedonese when I'm really pissed, and even then, I temper it with a fandom I like.

Comments

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Well, in fairness, the bumper sticker reads "Senator Kelly: For our children, for our families, for our future." And in really small print, "Paid for by the Stop The X-Men campaign, www.mutantwatch.com"

Hey, I was just taking the advice of Mom and my stepfather to just... date. Just date a variety of women and relax, have a good time, be social, don't take everything so seriously. Because I don't just do things halfway, I usually want it all or nothing, and I dive in head-first. So in the interest of being social, I thought, the hell with it, no harm in a simple date.

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

NO HARM IN A SIMPLE DATE?
Yeah, that's what Indy's monkey thought, and look where it got HIM.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Wise words, my man. Wise, geeky words.

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

Wanna see my bullwhip? Heh. You WISH I was kidding...>8)X

[ortugatay.livejournal.com]

That's the best thing I've read all day. Indiana references rock my world.
And your icon is also fabulous.
Also, I don't know you, but hi!

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

Hi, and thanks! I don't know you, either, but does anyone REALLY know anyone?

[thirdbase.livejournal.com]

your 'rents and my therapist are on the same page. the difference? you're braver than I am. I haven't figured out how to do a date yet.

that's exactly what she's been telling me. I have been ordered onto Match.com Went looking once, been too nervous to set up a profile. I keep trying to explain that dating isn't me, but that sounds silly and asinine. Is it really anyone? She says try it, and if you don't click with the person, move on. You're the first person I've seen this in action on. Wow - it does work. You can have one date and say thanks and not have to try your/their last name out or start looking at china patterns.

You da man.

(I know I can be flippant most times, but this is all in earnest. I admire you that you did this.)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

While I dearly want to take credit for being brave, I think lonliness and horniness factors in there as well.

But it's true, you actually can have one date like that. And I will keep doing that, as long as opportunities come my way (and they don't come by very often), because I do want to push myself to be more open to people and try to be more social all-around. Even if every other thing out of my mouth has to do with comics, movies, or Simpsons.

Hey, if nothing else, maybe I'll get some good stories out of it.