yew stole mah store-ee

[thehefner]

Well, at least I have one more week to refine my story.

Between listening to the painfully awesome stories of yancentric and taking Speakeasy's slogan to heart, I've decided to live my life by the philosophy, "Do it for the story."

Which is not to say that I'll purposely be putting my face in any buzzsaws just for the sake of the story. I do plenty of that with relationships, thank you very much. No, it's just a tactic to force myself to be a bit bolder in my decisions, both in life and on the stage. For example, I really should have auditioned to be the Spider-Man spokesmodel; the fact that I'm out of shape should have only made me try out all the quicker.

Stephanie, the Speakeasy head who was so awesome in coaching my latest story, thinks I absolutely need to go speed-dating. She said this would be a must after I told her how I can't do small talk, how--when I talk with someone-- I actually want to have a conversation, to discuss a topic, to make a point.

She said I should smuggle in a tape recorder and find someplace that does speed-dating, so I can ask my dates questions like:

"Who do you think made a better Hannibal Lecter, Anthony Hopkins or Brian Cox?"

"And speaking of Cox... no, no, I'm not going there, ha-ha... seriously, who would win in a Pit of Death match between House and Dr. Cox? Hmm, maybe that's not a fair fight... ok, what if one of Cox's arms were bound and House had a gun?"

"Do you think Dr. Doom really is smarter than Reed Richards or not?"

Questions like that. I need to ponder the best way to approach this mad scheme. Because this could potentially be brilliant.



Oh, and for those that are interested, he's the updated Speakeasy information. Stephanie really wanted to make sure I'd be able to make it, claiming that mine was one of the "best" of the line-up. While I'm not sure about that one myself, I'll certainly take that compliment.

The info is all official-like, and the fact that they actually included the names of the speakers (including me) pleases me.

SPEAKEASY
NEW DATE - TUESDAY FEB 20
"HURTS SO GOOD:
STORIES ABOUT THE PAIN AND PLEASURE OF ROMANCE"

Everything else the same:
Cada Vez Bar & Restaurant
1438 U St. NW, 20009
Happy Hour 7-8 w/2-for-1 beer
Show 8-10/ post-show open till 11
$10 downstairs
$8 upstairs simulcast

Featuring Twain Dooley & Stephanie Garibaldi

and the same stellar open mic line-up (alphabetically)
Ryan Britt (maybe), Kevin Jones, John Hefner, Meredith Maslich,
Jessica Piscitelli, Victoria Reynolds, John Rose, Liz Sokolov

More info at SpeakeasyDC

Comments

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

I don't like horror, so I could never answer the first questions. But yes, Doom *is* smarter than Reed. Doom's only downfall is his refusal to accept help when he most needs it. (And sometimes he does accept help, and thus his plans come to fruition.) I don't think Doom actually wants to kill Reed, because if he did, he'd have done it already. I think you're the one who said it, and I agree: Joker wants Batman to crack, Doom wants Reed to succumb. Doom wants to /defeat/ Reed, not kill him. And I think Doom gets a kick out of seeing Reed struggle. That's part of why he keeps an eye on him. When you have a mortal enemy like that, you watch them from time to time, and laugh when they're having problems.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hehe, the second question is about HOUSE and SCRUBS respectively, not horror! (and it never occurred to me to consider any of the Lecter stories to be horror)

Oh, I agree with you, actually. Well, actually, I think Reed is like the Professor on Gilligan's Island-- really brilliant, but only creating things with very specific uses. The Professor could build a radio out of coconuts, but couldn't get them off the Island, that sort of thing.

Doom has the far more practical genius, I think, but much like Lex Luthor, is too busy with his vendettas or trying to conquer the world rather than actually use it to help mankind. He doesn't want to better mankind, but to rule mankind (which would, of course, benefit... but as one story posited, I think he's more a conquerer than a ruler. I'd agree with him; ruling the world seems boring!)

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

Oh. I don't watch TV either :P

And that's some food for thought. Doom does love his people though, and makes sure they're taken care of. But he does tend to go off and have adventures, because you're right, once you get the country running properly, it runs on it's own. Maybe that's why he keeps Reed around, to give himself something to do?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Doom's treatment of the Latverian people and their feelings for them was best summed up for me in the Doom/Dr. Strange graphic novel. It's the scene where the little girl gives Doom flowers to welcome him back. Strange thinks, "Ok, while this is obviously staged for my benefit, they seem really sincere in their love for him."

It's a fascinating thing of how Doom's people genuinely love him, even know he still has them cheer for him a gunpoint. There's genuine mutual love between Doom and his people, but I can't help but wonder what it would look like to transfer that particular kind of love to a relationship between two people, or a parent and a child.

It's amazing how much enemies need each other sometimes. Not to mention, to ponder what their lives with be without one another. When the Joker once thought he killed Batman, he decided to retire and "go sane."

[gnort.livejournal.com]

I have three issues out of the four in that arc, the last one is eluding me it's quite vexing. I remember in the Spiderman animated series during their take on the Secret War, Doom built his own little utopia "New Latveria" on the alien world. All the people were happy and taken care of and had robots do all of the hard labor so that they could relax and live a stress free life. One of the heroes commented that Doom had actually built paradise, Richards of course says that the promise of utopia is the mark of a tyrant. Doom then arrests them all for treason and marks them for execution even though nobody else said anything.

And Cox would kick House's ass, even if you took away his injury or whatever is causing him to limp, Cox is significantly bigger and is just looking for some way to vent his anger where as House is just kinda cranky.

You're right about Reed being the Professor..Fantastidefeatdrdoomray anybody? Let's not forget that Doom is a scientific genius but is also a potent mystic which should give him the upper hand in the conflict against Richards who is strictly a scientist. So really, Richards should've lost a long time ago. While there is truth in what you've said about the nature of the nemesis relationship, the fact that the good guy always wins also plays a part in why Doom continues to lose.

[gnort.livejournal.com]

one more thing, don't forget to ask if they have a zombie plan and if so what is it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Ooh, good one.

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

I'm not done conversating ;) I just want to give myself some time to think of an intelligent reply.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hehe, okee, take your time! :)

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

After thinking about it, the soldiers on every street corner may not be to "force" the people into acting like they love Doom. Maybe it's more for their protection: how likely is anyone every going to be to disobey a law if there are armed guards everywhere. As Americans we'd balk at this kind of strong-arm tactic, however, being raised with a different mentality (as the pople of Latveria must have been) we might not all be so uncomfortable about it. Hell, if our laws didn't SUCK and weren't STUPID, I wouldn't mind people standing around waiting to enforce them.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Well, I didn't mean to insinuate that all the Doombots and soldiers were there to "force" people to love Doom. No, I think they genuinely DO love him... even though he'll sometimes have guns to them anyway.

Which, I think, brings in the problem with different cultures and how we Americans often think of our democracy as the ideal one that must be instituted elsewhere. As such... well, Doom's style of government is kinda scary to many of us (including yours truly), and yet... what if he's not wrong?

Still, I do have to think there wouldn't be too much freedom of speech or freedom of expression in a Doom-run world.

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

I know you weren't implying that the guns weren't there to force the people to love him, I thought you were implying .. well nevermind, I duno :P

Anyway, if a dictator does have his people's interests at heart, and actually KNOWS his people and knows what they want and need, then no, that doesn't scare me. As long as said dictator remains in power :P

And granted, you might get dragged off for running around yelling "DOOM SUCKS!" - why would you do that? Doom has been shown to be open to discussion, as long as it's in a polite, reasonable, rational manner. "Lord Doom, my children family is hungry, may we have more rations please?" And then he'd make sure that they weren't overweight and eating more than they should anyway, and if they really need more food, he'd grant it.

I think it just takes a different mindset. It takes the mindset of a PACK animal, one who can deffer to the leader, because the leader has the best interests of the pack at heart. I am very much a pack animal, but not many Americans are.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

But then it raises the question of whose interest Doom serves: the people or his own? And that is very much up to which writer happens to be writing him at any given time.

And even if Doom is truly doing it for the people... well, he's the rarest kind of dictator, then. The kind we actually might do well to have.

This reminds me, have you read any Thunderbolts? I just picked up the first issue of THUNDERBOLTS PRESENTS... ZEMO: BORN BETTER? I have been increasingly fascinated by Baron Zemo. He's like Doom, but with added humility. He's a complex, truly fascinating character. At least check out that issue when you're at the store (or if you can afford it, the AVENGERS/THUNDERBOLTS collection). I'd love to hear what you'd make of Zemo compared to all our discussions about Doom.

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

I attribute poor writing to Doombots. If it doesn't fit what I know to be the real Doom, it wasn't him. ;)

And nope, haven't seen it. I haven't been to my comic shop in ages. The last time I went I was treated pretty poorly, though the person probably didn't even realize how he treated me. No offense, but most men don't stop to think about how their words or actions might be taken by other people.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Well, in fairness, I think that goes to people in general. In my experience, anyway. I've known a few inconsiderate, tactless, empathy-deprived women in my day.

Still, it's a shame that it should have kept you from the store. But yeah, if you ever do get the chance, I do recommend those books. And, of course, Doom still pops up frequently. Now that he's back from Hell and all. But I think Zemo would really interest you. He's gone from an evil sorta mix between Red Skull and Doom into... well, something certainly different and more complex than we usually see in superhero comics.

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

But...Dr. Cox is The Atom. House is just a British guy.
Nowhere NEAR fair.
House wasn't in OFFICE SPACE or POINT BREAK, either. He just made British things, and none of them were even DOCTOR WHO.
(He'd be AWESOME in that role, no?)
Just promise me that if one of your speed dates washes out, you'll close with:
"Bah. Hef is ABOVE such things."

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yes, but you also forget, House as JEEVES POWER on his side. He could summon it up like a special fighting move. "AIIUHHHH---! HAIIIIIIII!" and in comes Stephen Fry dressed as Chun Li.

I'm not saying he'd beat the Atom, backed up by the entire cast of SURVIVING THE GAME... but it'd be a battle for the ages, just like Maxim's proposed Wolverine vs. Bill the Butcher fight.

Oh man, Laurie has the Doctor. Ohhh man.

And yes yes yes, that is exactly how I'm going to have to end it. Grand, beautiful idea.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

i've always wanted to try speed-dating. not that i need it now, of course, but the social phenomenon of it is a fascinating idea.

i love the idea of going in with a tape recorder and asking those sort of questions.

and if i can get Holly's permission, i am SO in.

because really.. how amazingly horrific would the two of us be in that situation?

"so i'm a scientologist. what are your feelings on Thetans?"

if you havent seen the speed-dating scene from 40 year old Virgin, you must. right now.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

We should totally plot and scheme all the best questions. Some questions should be legitimately good, to attempt a real conversation with meaning and depth, while other questions should just be totally geek-absurd. Ideally, we might actually get some real satirical value out of this.

And I should just see the movie period. Which I will. Eventually. Totally. Promise!

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

we would have to be careful not to overdue it with the oddness, as we wouldnt want to tip our hand.

and yes, legitimate questions should be in there as well.

we own the movie, we can totally show it to you.

if you want to come over tonight, maybe we can watch it and have some drinks. i know you and i are hanging out tomorrow night, but there's no reason we cant hang out tonight as well.

because really, you need to see that movie.. like, yesterday.

i just need to check with Holly to make sure we are free. but before i check with her, are you down?

(yes, the roads are all cleared up and safe!)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

We shall totally plot and plan this! Hee hee.

But not tonight, sadly. I have to hang out with my father, since I couldn't yesterday, and I'm beat anyway. But come on by tomorrow or whatever and we shall, totally.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

come on by tomorrow?

umm.. i thought you were snagging me from work.. because i'll have no car. because i'll have no Holly.

but yeah, we can plot this out, and i might even be allowed to participate.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Wasn't sure what the dilly-o was gonna be in either case, so ok, I'll snag you, then.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

awesome.

so then, shall i show you the glory that is Hershey's as we discuss things on your mind and our fiendish plots to bewilder the single?

the other option is to adjourn to your place for a bit, but then you'd have to drive me home before heading back to your place.

i'm a pain in the ass, i know. its the price of having a pal who is happy to listen to your woes and ideas.. there's always a catch. ;)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Since I'll be taking you back anyway and will likely be hungee, I opt for the wonder and glory that is Hershey's.

And hey, as my friend Mikey would say, it's a very Hefnerian situation.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

werd to yer mother.