TONIGHT! WE DINE! AT DENNY'S!!!!

[thehefner]

300 turned out to be everything I'd expected it to be, everything it could possibly have been. Which is to say, the living embodiment of Frank Miller'd Id, a completely over-the-top spectacle of awesomeness utterly devoid of subtlety, and one of the manliest fucking manly things to ever man a man. All that was missing was whoreswhoreswhoreswhoreswhores, but that was all replaced by shouting.

Oh lord, the shouting. I mean, in the comic, when Leonidas kicks the messenger (who was shouting, "This is blasphemy! This is madness!") into the pit, he does it with a cool, badass "This is Sparta." But as I'd seen in even the earliest trailers, he delivered it instead with the now-almost-infamous, "THIS! IS! SPARTARARARARAHHH!!!"

It's been three hours since I've seen the film, and I still feel like shouting everything. "I! WANT! NACHOOOOOS!" "A thousand tortilla chips of the Persian Empire descends upon my tummy! This queso shall blot out the sun!!!" "Then *I* shall munch in the shade." "I! NEED! A! NAPKINNNN!!!"

That said, there's plenty for women to enjoy. Namely, lots and lots of ripped man-flesh on display. Wow. I mean... wow, there was nothing less than a six pack on pretty much every guy in that film.

I'm not saying 300 is a brilliant film, and it didn't hit me on a pure visceral personal comic geek level like SIN CITY did, but it's great that a comic-based movie (especially one that is very much flaunting its graphic novel roots) is getting this much attention. Things like this are, I think, better for the industry than even the best superhero movies, and I certainly do hope it brings in more customers.

My only complaint is that no one got any arrows in either the head or their crotch. I suppose some might think that would detract from the moment to see arrows through the eyes and/or balls, but it kinda annoyed me to see people as human pincushions save for miraculously those two areas. But that's my only real complaint. The rest of the movie is... well, it's what it is, and gloriously so, in its way.

With apologies to Dethklok and Denis Leary, if I see this film again, it will have to be with a hundred beers and a big, fat steak. Raw steak, dripping with blood. In fact, forget the steak, give me a live cow. I'll cut off what I want and ride the rest home!

Home! TO SPARTARAHARARAHHH!!!!

Comments

[gnort.livejournal.com]

It's been three hours since I've seen the film, and I still feel like shouting everything. "I! WANT! NACHOOOOOS!" "A thousand tortilla chips of the Persian Empire descends upon my tummy! This queso shall blot out the sun!!!" "Then *I* shall munch in the shade." "I! NEED! A! NAPKINNNN!!!"

the funny thing is I can actually see you doing this

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

When pondering_duck called me up after the movie, I was still in Spartan mode. He thought I was drunk. No, I was only drunk ON PERSIAN BLOOD!

Anyone who knows me should be able to easily envision me doing this. That's the sad thing.

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Haha. Queso blotting out the sun.
I so want to see this! But I think I live in a parallel universe where everything everyone says about what men are like and what women are like is reversed, because I'm going to end up going alone because none of my friends like "action movies". Kind of ruins the fun a little.

[interdisciple.livejournal.com]

I'm highly disturbed by all the references to and depictions of Persia that, from what I am picking up on merely from the one commercial I've seen and this one post, are insanely grotesquely inaccurate.

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

F the movie.
I! MUST! HAVE! THAT! QUESO!

[morganashkevron.livejournal.com]

You should get paid for movie reviews. Seriously. I was a bit hesitant to see this movie because I do not handle gore and violence at all well (I had to cover my eyes for a lot of Sin City) but now I'm more intrigued and interested than worried. Plus, your review had me biting my fingers to keep from laughing in the office.

Also, Happy (belated) Birthday!

[morganashkevron.livejournal.com]

Also also...do you mind if I metaquote you?

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen it yet (obviously) and, as I'm leaving the country for a week and a half tomorrow afternoon, I won't be able to see it until I get back. However, the way you described the "This is Sparta" line... I think it would have been cooler with the more composed, badass, collected version, over the screaming maniac version. Sad how that was changed, then.

I didn't even know 300 was based on a comic book. Shon and I can use that to poke at Will, who likes to poke at Shon for liking comic books. (Will never pokes at me.. well.. he never makes fun of me for liking geeky things. He pokes at me all the time. Ahem.)

Yeah, when a rain of arrows comes down, arrows are going to land everywhere. At least Braveheart was accurate in that sense.

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

You want a Hollywood movie based on a comic book to be historically accurate? You're asking too much! They're too busy making it cool to pay attention to facts! No one cares that the trojan war took ten years, that's boring! >.>

[interdisciple.livejournal.com]

Not even seeking the accurate so much as balanced or fair, as obviously, exaggeration on both sides for comic glory's sake is to be expected...

Oh well, you're right. I'm being silly. It's just taken so long to shake the notion of Persians as Barbarians in the collective Western consciousness (only now starting to wear away) that it hurts to see the progress take ten strides backward, so to speak. :( Even Alexander himself wanted to be the next great Persian king after conquering Persepolis... And the Greeks take all the credit and glory for everything... *sigh*

/persian emo rant

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Well, considering much of the story and the film, which features bizarrely deformed people (and was that a half-goat man, or was I mistaken?) and random rhinos, I don't think either the film or the comic is actually meant to be historically accurate any more than Homer's Illiad. Like that story, this has supposedly achieved its own mythical status. In fact, I was more than once reminded of Taymor's TITUS.

It suspect it's more allegorical than historical. I knew from the second I read the comic that this wasn't meant to be accurate, and anyone who goes into this with that mind will have a whoooole lot to complain about. But then, it's a Frank Miller story, so that's always the case!

[interdisciple.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. I don't really know what I'm talking about, and I'm glad to hear goat-men and ridiculous exaggeration seems to be going on in all directions rather than just one. (See my other reply.) Allegorically, I guess there's no denying the mythical status it has indeed achieved, however much it may tick me off. And plus, you know I don't have my critical bearings straight on this particular map, what with not being a comic person and all that... :)

[chickenhat.livejournal.com]

And... considering Frank Miller's comic was inspired by the 1962 film The 300 Spartans... we really do come full cicle, don't we?

(Kinda like The Producers was first a movie, then a stage musical, and then a movie version of the musical. Yes, yes I did just compare 300 to The Producers, and I'll compare Mel Brooks to Frank Miller and Max Bialystock to King Loenidas if I'm not stopped.)

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

The Persians have a reputation for being barbaric? Really? That's odd. Of course, my initial impressions of the Persians were from their many D&D ripoffs, which made them out to be elegant and sophisticated, master strategists, and so on and so forth. I've been randomly reading up on ancient cultures, and so far have only explored ancient Sumerian/Babylonian and Egyptian, but I've read enough about their dealings with the Persians to wonder how anyone ever thought they were barbaric. As compared to what, the Romans? (Scoff.) I mean, give me a break.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Barbarians? I don't think they come off as barbaric... at least, no more than the Spartans do. In this movie, both sides do things with corpses that just shouldn't be done, purely to intimidate the other side.

But I see what you're saying, yeah. All I can offer for comfort is that this is an incredibly hollow film full of mindless action and chest-pounding manliness. Anyone who takes this as an accurate history lesson is a fool, and perhaps it'll actually drive people to read up on some history to see how things really were.

Because I'm not sure what your definition of barbarians is in this case, but the Persians are at the very least depicted as incredibly formidable and worthy of awe. If nothing else, this could well spark more interest in people wanting to learn about them as much as the Spartans themselves.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh please, go for it!

And thankee for the belated birthday wishes!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh man, that is a not-incorrrect comparison. I don't even know what to think about that.

"Now ve vill be singing und dancing, Der Spartan Hop-Clop."

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Thinking about it, the shouting was added because this movie had more of a "Do I really want to make this decision which will almost certainly result in my death and stuff?" tone, so he shouted as a defiant act. And stuf.

I think I'll post this in my LJ later, but for now, I have actually found some scans from the book:

http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/732773.html

[interdisciple.livejournal.com]

LOL, thank you. It's just the Greeks (Herodotus and others) commonly referred to the Persians as "barbarians," not necessarily meaning it in the way we think of it now, but rather, as their term to signify any "Other" --

Surprisingly, there are few or no references to the barbarians as inferior, effeminate, cruel etc.; the term 'barbarian' in the funeral orations has either the historical meaning of Persians or the generic one of non-Greeks (p. 7).

And so over time, this tag and perception of Persian as Barbarian took on a life and demonization of its own which, again, only now seems to be setting itself straight with the advent of accurate historical info so readily available to anyone (in the developed world) with even an inkling of curiosity.

Anyway, I guess I should watch this movie or read the comic before expressing any further dismay... or better yet, get back to the business of work! :)

[chickenhat.livejournal.com]

Let them get it wrong for the sake of entertainment. Let them get it right later on.

When we are very lucky, such as with kwsapphire, then young minds will actually look up Thermopolaye, and Xerxes, and Persia (and how frickin' HUGE it was at one point), and all the actual facts; because until it's cool and heroic sounding, to new generations it's just the ignorable past.

[interdisciple.livejournal.com]

True data. This all makey the sensy and comforts the ruffled Persian feathers a bit. Please excuse the visceral overreaction... It's just, you know, The Man, what with His always trying to keep the Persian/Iranian down and all that... :) (I kid. Sort of.)

[interdisciple.livejournal.com]

I myself could stand to do more homework on the ancients...

I just want the kidlets to know that we were NOT the ones who made teh head pyramids...

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

THIS IS WHERE I EAT! THIS IS WHERE IT GETS DIGESTED!

Yeah, I think you definitely should see this, between your non-girlyness and your gloriously fellow-geekness.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

THAT QUESO HAS DESCENDED FROM HERCULES HIMSELF!

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

You can still be defiant without yelling. Still, I'll take a look at the scans, thank you :)