TONIGHT! WE DINE! AT DENNY'S!!!!

[thehefner]

300 turned out to be everything I'd expected it to be, everything it could possibly have been. Which is to say, the living embodiment of Frank Miller'd Id, a completely over-the-top spectacle of awesomeness utterly devoid of subtlety, and one of the manliest fucking manly things to ever man a man. All that was missing was whoreswhoreswhoreswhoreswhores, but that was all replaced by shouting.

Oh lord, the shouting. I mean, in the comic, when Leonidas kicks the messenger (who was shouting, "This is blasphemy! This is madness!") into the pit, he does it with a cool, badass "This is Sparta." But as I'd seen in even the earliest trailers, he delivered it instead with the now-almost-infamous, "THIS! IS! SPARTARARARARAHHH!!!"

It's been three hours since I've seen the film, and I still feel like shouting everything. "I! WANT! NACHOOOOOS!" "A thousand tortilla chips of the Persian Empire descends upon my tummy! This queso shall blot out the sun!!!" "Then *I* shall munch in the shade." "I! NEED! A! NAPKINNNN!!!"

That said, there's plenty for women to enjoy. Namely, lots and lots of ripped man-flesh on display. Wow. I mean... wow, there was nothing less than a six pack on pretty much every guy in that film.

I'm not saying 300 is a brilliant film, and it didn't hit me on a pure visceral personal comic geek level like SIN CITY did, but it's great that a comic-based movie (especially one that is very much flaunting its graphic novel roots) is getting this much attention. Things like this are, I think, better for the industry than even the best superhero movies, and I certainly do hope it brings in more customers.

My only complaint is that no one got any arrows in either the head or their crotch. I suppose some might think that would detract from the moment to see arrows through the eyes and/or balls, but it kinda annoyed me to see people as human pincushions save for miraculously those two areas. But that's my only real complaint. The rest of the movie is... well, it's what it is, and gloriously so, in its way.

With apologies to Dethklok and Denis Leary, if I see this film again, it will have to be with a hundred beers and a big, fat steak. Raw steak, dripping with blood. In fact, forget the steak, give me a live cow. I'll cut off what I want and ride the rest home!

Home! TO SPARTARAHARARAHHH!!!!

Comments

[gnort.livejournal.com]

It's been three hours since I've seen the film, and I still feel like shouting everything. "I! WANT! NACHOOOOOS!" "A thousand tortilla chips of the Persian Empire descends upon my tummy! This queso shall blot out the sun!!!" "Then *I* shall munch in the shade." "I! NEED! A! NAPKINNNN!!!"

the funny thing is I can actually see you doing this

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

When pondering_duck called me up after the movie, I was still in Spartan mode. He thought I was drunk. No, I was only drunk ON PERSIAN BLOOD!

Anyone who knows me should be able to easily envision me doing this. That's the sad thing.

[interdisciple.livejournal.com]

I'm highly disturbed by all the references to and depictions of Persia that, from what I am picking up on merely from the one commercial I've seen and this one post, are insanely grotesquely inaccurate.

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Haha. Queso blotting out the sun.
I so want to see this! But I think I live in a parallel universe where everything everyone says about what men are like and what women are like is reversed, because I'm going to end up going alone because none of my friends like "action movies". Kind of ruins the fun a little.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

THIS IS WHERE I EAT! THIS IS WHERE IT GETS DIGESTED!

Yeah, I think you definitely should see this, between your non-girlyness and your gloriously fellow-geekness.

[seangrimm.livejournal.com]

No one wants to see 300 or TMNT with me. This is a horrible world we live in.

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

F the movie.
I! MUST! HAVE! THAT! QUESO!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

THAT QUESO HAS DESCENDED FROM HERCULES HIMSELF!

[torberg.livejournal.com]

THAT QUESO UNLIKE A CYBORG CLONE OF A NORSE GOD IS WORTHY OF HERCULES'S MAN-BITS!

[morganashkevron.livejournal.com]

You should get paid for movie reviews. Seriously. I was a bit hesitant to see this movie because I do not handle gore and violence at all well (I had to cover my eyes for a lot of Sin City) but now I'm more intrigued and interested than worried. Plus, your review had me biting my fingers to keep from laughing in the office.

Also, Happy (belated) Birthday!

[morganashkevron.livejournal.com]

Also also...do you mind if I metaquote you?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh please, go for it!

And thankee for the belated birthday wishes!

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen it yet (obviously) and, as I'm leaving the country for a week and a half tomorrow afternoon, I won't be able to see it until I get back. However, the way you described the "This is Sparta" line... I think it would have been cooler with the more composed, badass, collected version, over the screaming maniac version. Sad how that was changed, then.

I didn't even know 300 was based on a comic book. Shon and I can use that to poke at Will, who likes to poke at Shon for liking comic books. (Will never pokes at me.. well.. he never makes fun of me for liking geeky things. He pokes at me all the time. Ahem.)

Yeah, when a rain of arrows comes down, arrows are going to land everywhere. At least Braveheart was accurate in that sense.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Thinking about it, the shouting was added because this movie had more of a "Do I really want to make this decision which will almost certainly result in my death and stuff?" tone, so he shouted as a defiant act. And stuf.

I think I'll post this in my LJ later, but for now, I have actually found some scans from the book:

http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/732773.html

[kwsapphire.livejournal.com]

You can still be defiant without yelling. Still, I'll take a look at the scans, thank you :)

[seangrimm.livejournal.com]

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

so next tues/weds..

see it again, with me?

and a steak with a hundred beers?

we can see.. A MATINEEEEEE!!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Even if I weren't working/performing Tuesday and been busy with class and stuff Wednesday, I would have to decline. I'm afraid I have no interest in seeing it again, nor the cash to offer. Forgive me, pally.

But steak and a hundred beers some night sounds absolutely fantastic.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

oh, you suck.

no one wants to see it with me!

LIIIIIEEEEFFFEEEEELLLDD!!!

[fierybutterfly.livejournal.com]

This is the BEST. BLOG. I'VE REEEEAADDDD. On the BEST. MOVIE. EVERRARRAARRR!


♥ Much love. :')

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

And much love back to thee, m'dear! *bows*

Out of curiosity, are you a refugee from metaquotes, or how else didja find this entry?

[teekoness.livejournal.com]

My only complaint is that no one got any arrows in either the head or their crotch. I suppose some might think that would detract from the moment to see arrows through the eyes and/or balls, but it kinda annoyed me to see people as human pincushions save for miraculously those two areas. But that's my only real complaint. The rest of the movie is... well, it's what it is, and gloriously so, in its way.

I decided to take a look at your blog and came across this. Clearly you've stolen a portion of my brain, because that's exactly what I thought.

The eyes didn't bug me too much but this being a extra 'manly' Frank Miller movie and the lack of punctured ball caused me to giggle hysterically. Much to the chagrin of my enraptured brothers.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Egad, blast from the past! It's funny to see this review, in contrast to my current snobbery in the wake of this film becoming something of a phenomenon, know what I mean? It's like, oh yeah, I too liked this when it came out, although I'm not sure I wanna admit that.

Oh yeah, giggling hysterically is the way to handle that movie. I don't know if I'd trust anybody who watches 300 without at least some irony.

[surrealname.livejournal.com]

I just wanted you to know: I fucking hated that movie.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Scouring through my old entries now?

It's interesting to read this one for the first time in three years and see which friends have stopped following me since.