HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME!

[thehefner]

Right right right, it looks like work won't be a conflict, and so the very first ever one-man production of THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES: MY GRANDFATHER'S LAST WORDS is go.

I mean, it will be.

I mean, I gotta fill out that paperwork. Actually, I think I need to make an emergency appeal to the Rude Mechanicals Second Stage to get some funding for the show ($400 just for the Fringe folks, plus money for promotional material, as I'm going to need to somehow get people interested in my show). Then I need to fill out all the info, including thinking up intriguing blurbs and one-line descriptions, which was hard enough trying to do on the Onion Personals.

And then I need to write the thing. To go back to what I had, flesh it out, expand and refine it. Then I need to memorize it. Then I need to have a director hone my performance and/or beg some Speakeasy and/or Rude Mechanicals to workshop it out with me. And I need to figure out what (if any) sounds, music, lighting, and other such FX I'm going to need, or if I should just start with a chair, a mic, and maybe a beer and let it go from there. All while dancing around whatever other hoops the Fringe people will put me through.

All while I'm rehearsing and performing the title role in FAUSTUS. And doing my final scenes for Principles of Realism class. And maybe doing the 2nd lead role in that superhero film. And doing the Ass't Manager thing at the comic store, where business is fucking exploding ever since the competition moved. And sending THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES book into the literary agent. And mmmmmmaybe getting back to work on that Harvey Dent novel. And maybe, just maybe, a date or two, but we'll see about that when I get there.

Not that I'm complaining. No, while others waste their lives in the rat race and in front of their TVs and Hot Pockets, I prize my productive artistic life. Regardless... there's only one way to respond to the prospect of the next four months:

MASHED PUH-TATOES! GUH-RAY-VEE! AN' CRANBERRY SAUCE! WOOOOOOOO-OOOO!!!!!

...

Seriously, though. Anyone who knows what they hell they're doing in regards to doing this one-man Fringe show (as I know fucking nothing, your help would be so greatly appreciated.

Comments

[viizou.livejournal.com]

Damn... And I thought I was busy...
Good luck with everything!

[2sick2pray.livejournal.com]

I've got a book you should take a look at... I'll bring it to your b-day party along with my hookah.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Please do! (although that means I'm gonna have to make some serious room on my reading list!)

[wendywoowho.livejournal.com]

This. is. so. fucking. cool.

[ortugatay.livejournal.com]

If you need any help or pointers regarding advertising/selling yourself, feel free to drop me and Val a line. We went through all that stuff for the Edinburgh Fringe and we have ideas

[tompurdue.livejournal.com]

Mind if the Rudes tag along for that? We've got four performances on a 150 seat stage and we'd like to fill them.

[ortugatay.livejournal.com]

Absolutely :-)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

And bit by bit, first Kevin and now Molly and Val, my two social groups slowly become one.

I'll be giving you a call a bit later, Josh. Unless there's someone else I should go to regarding what the heck to do via Rudes' Second Stage?

[tompurdue.livejournal.com]

I had sent you an email on the subject. Let me know if you didn't get it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I actually just woke up (my first day off in a long while) so I hadn't checked yet. On it!

[torberg.livejournal.com]

Oh? Which show is going to DC Fringe this year? Much Ado or Faustus?

[tompurdue.livejournal.com]

We were selected for A&C, but we're asking if we can substitute Much Ado, which is at least as Fringey and for which we've lost fewer cast members.

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Good good good. Hope you get the most delicious stories out of all of this (but the good kind, where things end up roughly as you wanted them to, rather than the other kind).

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hell, even if I don't, if I *can* at least get stories, it won't be a total loss.

But yeah, let's hope for what you said.

[gore-whore-5.livejournal.com]

Here's an advertising idea for your stories about Tammy, etc. Have a series of posters with a super sexy picture of them with a tag line underneath saying something like, "I broke John Hefner's heart. Hear my story at blah blah blah", only more clever.

Sorry for the completely random crack-head idea. It just came to me and I would honestly like to see a poster with a sexy picture of Tammy.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Now that might be a neat idea! Of course, I'll need to think how to use that sort of thing for my Grandfather story. I'm already racking my brain trying to think up a snappy sales pitch, which I need to send in within a couple weeks.

[gore-whore-5.livejournal.com]

Some crazy mix of Alzheimer's and a spiteful wife. Or fat wife. I can only remember the end of that story. You need to tell it to me again sometime soon.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I was thinking something along the lines of how rich a life my grandfather had, not the least of which being that he's a baseball legend, but doing so in a way that won't have people think my one-man-show is about baseball.