I think my icon should actually be :3(
Jun. 25th, 2007 10:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thehefnerI don't know if things are really starting to sink in about Dad, or if it's just the fact that, with him now going into hospice care, we're finally nearing the very, very end. In either case, these last few days I've been feeling not just emotionally fragile, but physically... well, maybe all it is is just a slight cold, Mom thinks she's been a bit sick too.
Grief is a bloody weird thing. For the past week, time seems to be warping and stretching. My whole cranium feels stuffed with cotton or movie!Galactus. I feel like I might be better off if I didn't have to go to work the past few days, but that's probably not true. I will say that my stress level at the comic store has majorly increased, due partially to my heightened sensitivity to all things, especially the idiot and asshole customers. I'd ask for time off, but I think I should wait until Dad's actually passed away, since I dare say that's when I'd actually need it.
It just feels like my brain is covered in teflon. I've felt drunk for nearly a week straight. I'd very much at least my physical health so I can work and think clearly and bloody cope with everything else.
I'm also getting chunky. I've found myself indulging in Ben and Jerry's and Five Guys Burgers more than usual, not caring anymore. It's funny-- when I was heartbroken with Tammy and Misty, I couldn't eat a damn thing, and eventually lost sixty pounds. But with my father, I'm getting that stereotypical "eat to make yourself feel better" feeling, and I feel the consequence of it every time I put on my seat belt. Time to go back to the gym.
Similarly to the whole feeling of wanting to indulge in pleasure to deal with the depression... well, all I'm going to say is that I'm very, very lucky that, even if skanks did go home with me, I'd soon scare them off by insisting we intersperse the sex with viewings of FORBIDDEN ZONE, THE ICEMAN COMETH, and DOG SOLDIERS.
Another side effect I'm noticing is movies. I realized that I might have liked PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 3 better (or at least, maybe, possibly have been able to turn off my brain and ignore everything wrong and jarring) had I not seen it the very day I'd found out my father had cancer. And while I'm fairly certain that I'd still have hated FANTASTIC FOUR 2 anyway, it still wasn't optimal to see it at that particular time.
I'm aware of how hypersensitive I am right now, even if hypersensitive isn't exactly the right word. Whatever it is, I know I'm in it, and while I work through it, I know it's perfectly all right to feel this way and that I will have my friends there for me in the coming weeks and months.
So that's why I won't be posting why I think I really downright hated THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN.
Grief is a bloody weird thing. For the past week, time seems to be warping and stretching. My whole cranium feels stuffed with cotton or movie!Galactus. I feel like I might be better off if I didn't have to go to work the past few days, but that's probably not true. I will say that my stress level at the comic store has majorly increased, due partially to my heightened sensitivity to all things, especially the idiot and asshole customers. I'd ask for time off, but I think I should wait until Dad's actually passed away, since I dare say that's when I'd actually need it.
It just feels like my brain is covered in teflon. I've felt drunk for nearly a week straight. I'd very much at least my physical health so I can work and think clearly and bloody cope with everything else.
I'm also getting chunky. I've found myself indulging in Ben and Jerry's and Five Guys Burgers more than usual, not caring anymore. It's funny-- when I was heartbroken with Tammy and Misty, I couldn't eat a damn thing, and eventually lost sixty pounds. But with my father, I'm getting that stereotypical "eat to make yourself feel better" feeling, and I feel the consequence of it every time I put on my seat belt. Time to go back to the gym.
Similarly to the whole feeling of wanting to indulge in pleasure to deal with the depression... well, all I'm going to say is that I'm very, very lucky that, even if skanks did go home with me, I'd soon scare them off by insisting we intersperse the sex with viewings of FORBIDDEN ZONE, THE ICEMAN COMETH, and DOG SOLDIERS.
Another side effect I'm noticing is movies. I realized that I might have liked PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 3 better (or at least, maybe, possibly have been able to turn off my brain and ignore everything wrong and jarring) had I not seen it the very day I'd found out my father had cancer. And while I'm fairly certain that I'd still have hated FANTASTIC FOUR 2 anyway, it still wasn't optimal to see it at that particular time.
I'm aware of how hypersensitive I am right now, even if hypersensitive isn't exactly the right word. Whatever it is, I know I'm in it, and while I work through it, I know it's perfectly all right to feel this way and that I will have my friends there for me in the coming weeks and months.
So that's why I won't be posting why I think I really downright hated THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN.
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no subject
Date: 2007-06-28 05:12 pm (UTC)That's good! There should be more guys like that. I mean, I get bored just imagining hanging out with Brad Pitt.
Plus, he's put Canadian Jewish stoner-geeks on the map, and I'd be a giant hypocrite if I had a problem with that.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-28 05:17 pm (UTC)they just featured him like that as they would anyone else in that circumstance. it wasnt meant to be funny.