Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair

[thehefner]

What really kicked this off was when I got the brilliant idea to throw my chocolate soy protein shake into a blender with ice cubes and a shot of Godiva chocolate liqueur. The sound of a blender to my brother is like a can opener to a cat, and he's been bugging me to try to make something tasty.

That's the trick: something tasty, but something that won't put him on his ass, so he can get back to working in the mosaic for another hour or two. He loves my Bombay Sapphire martini, but has learned the hard way that "it's a sometimes food."

Gin is the devil.

Anyhoo, I went shopping at the liquor store to find a couple affordable ingredients to make girly drinks for Edd. I procured a bottle of DeKuyper's Sour Apple schnapps, thinking that my SCRUBS-loving brother would appreciate me finally making an appletini. He was deeply apprehensive at first, but we eventually mixed up a couple.

Yow. It's like if a Sour Patch Kid got wasted on cheap vodka and raped a Jolly Rancher. I'm still not sure if it's good or not. It is what it is.

In an effort to totally squelch my diminishing manly honor, I also procured a bottle of butterscotch schnapps. Y'know, just in case I wish to form an unholy union with the DeKuyper's Sour Apple to create... a Caramel Appletini.

Weep. Weep for humanity.

In the meantime, I made my first ever Buttery Nipple, partially because my Bailey's is just reaching its expiration point. Pretty tasty in a cheap-ass sort of way, even though my love of Bailey has been forever tainted from that night I drank five Irish Car Bombs, lost my virginity, and threw up. In that order.

But the real winner of these latest mixological experiments was a little something called a "Slow Matadorz." The drink is as follows:

--2 oz. Tequila (I used my higher-end Jose Cuervo Tradicionale, which is 100% Blue Agave. It's not as good as, say, Patron, but it's far superior to anything with "gold" on the label)
--1 oz. Mathilde Raspberry Liquer (bought expressly for this purpose)
--1 oz. Cranberry Juice (cocktail, rather than 100% unsweetened, which can be tricky)

Upon our first sips, Edd and I immediately burst into evil, mustache-twirling giggles. Holy hell, man, this is now one of my prize concoctions. Unfortunately, I ran out of the Tradicionale, so that when Edd asked for a second one, all I had left was the Jose Cuervo Especiale.

Remember, folks: with tequila, anything less than 100% blue agave is rocket fuel, at best. Thankfully, with two shots on good tequila in us already (not to mention an additional shot of the raspberry liqueur), Edd and I really didn't give a good goddamn.

The next day, Edd was suffering from explosive diarrhea. The day after that, he asked me to mix him up another.

I truly hope to get my hands on some Patron someday. I don't know if I have the balls to sully its awesomeness with cranberry juice and raspberry liqueur. But then again, I might be a fool not to!

For many, tequila is the devil. But tequila is good to me, just as long as you're smart enough to get the good stuff.

Gin, though. Lord of lies in a pretty blue bottle.

Coming up next on the mixed drink experimental docket: DeKuyper's Sour Apple and Jagermeister, to create... "Motor Oil."

Moo hoo ha ha.

Comments

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Will Malibu suffice instead of Parrot Bay?

If so, I'm absolutely gonna mix one up for Edd and me soon.

Padron, whatever. Aye, I was hoping to find a medium size bottle for under fifty bucks, but no avail. I just settled for a bottle of Milagro silver 100% agave. It's not bad, not bad at all. It'll do just fine, for the time being.

[slaversbane.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, Malibu is just dandy, bacardi makes a tasty coconut rum too, what ever floats your sloop. You could theoretically use any sort of rum, but the extra sweet in the coconut rum,(and the coconut flavor of course) really nails it.

Milagro is delicious! Lemme tell ya, a trip to Mexico is in order. You can bring back a gallon of tequila without paying duties and it is 500%-1000% cheaper. Besides, Playa del Carmen is a blast.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I should make a detour into Meh-hee-co during a sourthern portion of my freaky beatnik road trip at some point. Because yes, I understand the cheapness. Unfortunately, I no speaka the Spanish. But between that and having real Mexican food, that sounds like a mighty fine plan.

[slaversbane.livejournal.com]

Shit, I don't speaka d'espanisha either. And I have to double issue of looking like the biggest Mexican since Danny Trejo.

Real Mexican food is heavenly, real guac, real fajitas, real tortilla soup! and the chocolate! Besides the fantastic cheap tequilla, and the mighty fine beer, and the mighty fine Cuban cigars(if I smoked such things still) Are totally worth the trip.