Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair

[thehefner]

What really kicked this off was when I got the brilliant idea to throw my chocolate soy protein shake into a blender with ice cubes and a shot of Godiva chocolate liqueur. The sound of a blender to my brother is like a can opener to a cat, and he's been bugging me to try to make something tasty.

That's the trick: something tasty, but something that won't put him on his ass, so he can get back to working in the mosaic for another hour or two. He loves my Bombay Sapphire martini, but has learned the hard way that "it's a sometimes food."

Gin is the devil.

Anyhoo, I went shopping at the liquor store to find a couple affordable ingredients to make girly drinks for Edd. I procured a bottle of DeKuyper's Sour Apple schnapps, thinking that my SCRUBS-loving brother would appreciate me finally making an appletini. He was deeply apprehensive at first, but we eventually mixed up a couple.

Yow. It's like if a Sour Patch Kid got wasted on cheap vodka and raped a Jolly Rancher. I'm still not sure if it's good or not. It is what it is.

In an effort to totally squelch my diminishing manly honor, I also procured a bottle of butterscotch schnapps. Y'know, just in case I wish to form an unholy union with the DeKuyper's Sour Apple to create... a Caramel Appletini.

Weep. Weep for humanity.

In the meantime, I made my first ever Buttery Nipple, partially because my Bailey's is just reaching its expiration point. Pretty tasty in a cheap-ass sort of way, even though my love of Bailey has been forever tainted from that night I drank five Irish Car Bombs, lost my virginity, and threw up. In that order.

But the real winner of these latest mixological experiments was a little something called a "Slow Matadorz." The drink is as follows:

--2 oz. Tequila (I used my higher-end Jose Cuervo Tradicionale, which is 100% Blue Agave. It's not as good as, say, Patron, but it's far superior to anything with "gold" on the label)
--1 oz. Mathilde Raspberry Liquer (bought expressly for this purpose)
--1 oz. Cranberry Juice (cocktail, rather than 100% unsweetened, which can be tricky)

Upon our first sips, Edd and I immediately burst into evil, mustache-twirling giggles. Holy hell, man, this is now one of my prize concoctions. Unfortunately, I ran out of the Tradicionale, so that when Edd asked for a second one, all I had left was the Jose Cuervo Especiale.

Remember, folks: with tequila, anything less than 100% blue agave is rocket fuel, at best. Thankfully, with two shots on good tequila in us already (not to mention an additional shot of the raspberry liqueur), Edd and I really didn't give a good goddamn.

The next day, Edd was suffering from explosive diarrhea. The day after that, he asked me to mix him up another.

I truly hope to get my hands on some Patron someday. I don't know if I have the balls to sully its awesomeness with cranberry juice and raspberry liqueur. But then again, I might be a fool not to!

For many, tequila is the devil. But tequila is good to me, just as long as you're smart enough to get the good stuff.

Gin, though. Lord of lies in a pretty blue bottle.

Coming up next on the mixed drink experimental docket: DeKuyper's Sour Apple and Jagermeister, to create... "Motor Oil."

Moo hoo ha ha.

Comments

[ortugatay.livejournal.com]

You'd like Tequila Mockingbirds. If not for the pure awesomeness of the name, they have a lot of the same components as the shots you were talking about, but they last longer. Tequila, raspberry liqueur, sour mix, and lime juice. In a cup, stirred. I don't know the exact breakdown of booze to juice, but I could probably find out. Andy's makes them deliciously. When we're in C-town for your show (Dale is getting back to me after he checks to make sure we won't be interfering with any music concerts, etc.) we should hit up the bar and get some.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Rock! Regardless of how my WAC show will turn out, drinking will be a fine idea afterwards. To celebrate, or drown my shame.

California Sunset

[karmaflouge.livejournal.com]

I really gotta remember my simple recipe for a girly drink I made that I dubbed a California Sunset. It's got three different parts, and I have to remember what they are by brand name. I'll do my best!

The best part? When I made it, it was by accident.

Re: California Sunset

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Let me know if'n ya do!

[slaversbane.livejournal.com]

Gin is the devil. But Padron? Padron should be savored. Not done in double shots that threatens your marriage..erm...um...yeah. Ok, that slow matadorz sounds fantastico! I wonder if it would work with chambord?


Got one for ya to try:

Lovesick Captain

2oz Parrot Bay
1oz Blue Curacao
a Dash of lime juice
a Touch of 100% agave tequila.

I have had this drink as a shot, a frozen drink with pineapples added, in a collins glass with ice, or shaken into a Pirate James Bond martini with two peices of pine apple instead of olives.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Will Malibu suffice instead of Parrot Bay?

If so, I'm absolutely gonna mix one up for Edd and me soon.

Padron, whatever. Aye, I was hoping to find a medium size bottle for under fifty bucks, but no avail. I just settled for a bottle of Milagro silver 100% agave. It's not bad, not bad at all. It'll do just fine, for the time being.

[slaversbane.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, Malibu is just dandy, bacardi makes a tasty coconut rum too, what ever floats your sloop. You could theoretically use any sort of rum, but the extra sweet in the coconut rum,(and the coconut flavor of course) really nails it.

Milagro is delicious! Lemme tell ya, a trip to Mexico is in order. You can bring back a gallon of tequila without paying duties and it is 500%-1000% cheaper. Besides, Playa del Carmen is a blast.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I should make a detour into Meh-hee-co during a sourthern portion of my freaky beatnik road trip at some point. Because yes, I understand the cheapness. Unfortunately, I no speaka the Spanish. But between that and having real Mexican food, that sounds like a mighty fine plan.

[slaversbane.livejournal.com]

Shit, I don't speaka d'espanisha either. And I have to double issue of looking like the biggest Mexican since Danny Trejo.

Real Mexican food is heavenly, real guac, real fajitas, real tortilla soup! and the chocolate! Besides the fantastic cheap tequilla, and the mighty fine beer, and the mighty fine Cuban cigars(if I smoked such things still) Are totally worth the trip.

[themadhatter26.livejournal.com]

Here's a shot mix I'm looking to try:

1 part Jack Daniels
1 part DeKuyper's Sour Apple
1 part cranberry juice

It's called a Washington Apple, and I hear it's delicious.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I just made one literally ten seconds ago, and it is pretty damn nice. I mean, again, the Sour Apple has that Jolly Rancher candy flavor, so if you're a fan of that, you'll like this. My teeth feel like they're kinda melting. But not in a bad way.

[fishymcb.livejournal.com]

The next day, Edd was suffering from explosive diarrhea. The day after that, he asked me to mix him up another.

This transition made me laugh out loud. However, I am at work. So God bless you/screw you.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I'm glad someone noticed that. Huzzah! And sorry.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

I am deeply hurt and offended that I have not been present for any of the experiments in boozing of late.

Tell Edd the same, and that he should be ashamed that he, you, and I have not yet become intoxicated this trip.

ow, my butt!

All joking aside, considering my work crap of late (you know about that, I believe)... I could really use a session of drunken retardation with you guys. It's always a ton of fun, regardless of whether your experiments turn out to be a glorious winner or a tragic tragic abomination against God, science and mixology.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Well getcher ass over to my place, beeyotch! This is where the real party is at!

Say, at some point also, I was thinking about going ahead and getting some nice shoes for the costume and for my life. I went to Syms in Rockville and they had some pretty awesome prices. If we have a chance in our near-future hangin', maybe Sunday, could we hit up your Syms so I can have someone with a critical eye help me shop? If not, I'll just go with Mom and/or Edd at some point this week.

Thanks to you guys, I am now totally in love with Syms. I am so shopping there from now on.

I got a nice red silk tie, a good color. Not quite blood red enough, but it'll do in a pinch. If I could just find a matching pocket square hankie thingie...

Also, I think I'm gonna go for one black leather glove on the "bad" hand, which could have been scarred as well from reaching up at the burning face, or whatever.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

Maybe what we need to do is have a crazy guy's night at your place, on a monday or tuesday night. We'll get a movie or three, mix drinks, and hang out. We can just crash there after, if you are cool with that, as long as someone can get me home the next day. Just tell Edd to take a night off.

As for shoes, Holly can probably just tell you what to look out for. I feel you on the wide feet thing, but I'd think that the sleeker, the better. It would just seem to go with the outfit more. Simplicity is good, well-shined and looking sharp.

But Holly may have another idea. We'll see what's up.

You should be able to find a matching pocket square easily enough, and I agree that it would look terrific with the suit.

Have you got a double-headed coin? ;)

I'm iffy about the glove. I see where you're going with it, but it seems strange to me.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

That could be great. Tuesday would probably be best, as I have Wednesday off. But now that I think about it, I doubt you'll have crashing space. In addition to Edd being here, Mom's friend Linda will be here for a few days. Not sure were we'd be able to stash you guys. But I'll think about it and raise the issue with Ma.

Yeah, any direction from Holly regarding what to look out for would be greatly appreciated.

Where could I get a matching pocket square? I didn't see any at Syms, from what I could find.

Betcher arse I have the coin! It came with the Tommy Lee Jones action figure, but it's perfect.

We'll see how the glove works. I'd only have it with the full suit, not the wifebeater/holster ensemble.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

Well, we'll see if we can work something out.

How long is Edd in town for? There's just something about the combination of you, he, me, and booze.

I'll ask her about shoes. Or you can email her at diepflege@yahoo.com

I or you can also ask her where to check for pocket squares, too. They are pretty common to find.

So the coin is the right size and everything? Was the action figure life-sized too?

Yeah.. the great thing about the glove is, if it doesn't work you can just remove it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Edd says you coming here Tuesday would be cool. Pheobe is comin' down at some point around the 18th as well, so I don't know how schedules would be further complicated.

She and I spoke earlier, but mayhaps I'll send her an e-mail to remind her.

Yeah, please see what we can do for a pocket square. Short of just buying some fabric at G Street Fabrics.

Yeah, the coin is the right size! It's perfect! Well, as it's from a cheap alluminum type alloy, it's gotten kinda dinged up from being dropped so many times. But it's still just fine.