I'm a ramblin' man.

[thehefner]

Dash it all.

I started to write a whole entry about my bitter mood thanks to today's comic shipment, which saw the release of this issue* and this collection**. I don't know if they actually qualify as some of the ugliest, nastiest, just-plain-mean comics I've read in a while, or if I'm overreacting and/or exaggerating. Hyperbole might not serve me well here. All I know is they left me disgusted and in an unpleasant temperament.

But to that point, I was going to write a whole entry expressing my frustration with people who just bitch all the time. With people who focus on the negative and just complain, whine, and curse, milking their indignation, and how tired I am of being around those people after extended periods. I just want to create an LJ icon specially for these people of Emperor Palpatine going, "Good, gooooood, let the hate flow through you." Ugh!

But before I could even bring that up, I had to express further frustration regarding a type of person I call the "crushed idealists." I used to mistakenly think these people were cynics, until I met folks like tompurdue and little_dinosaur, two of my favorite cynics in the world.

I realized then that what really got my goat were the people who used to have high ideals, but were so crushed by disillusionment that they've since become bitter defeatists. And I was going to go into a whole analysis of the nature of idealism and cynicsm, and try to paint a vivid portrait of the creature I call the "crushed idealist," to further express my... uh... fed-up-ed-ness with them.

That's what I tried to write.

The problem was, I realized, was that I wasn't sure how qualified I was to really be speaking about any of this. I mean, several of the "crushed idealists" I personally know are in their mid-thirties. At age twenty-four, do I really have the life experience and insight to make any trenchant observations? Or would I just come off sounding like just another naive kid with his head up his ass? I'd be up for raising this as a discussion with several of my friends, particularly those I considered more learned and observant, but I don't think I have the balls to write a ranting essay about it.

And when you get right down to it, no matter how well-thought-out my entry might be... wouldn't I just be bitching about this without trying to change anything? Would not that, in effect, prove that I'm no better than those "crushed idealists" who frustrate me so?

...

So I won't talk about any of that. I won't risk making such a fool of myself.

Instead, I'll go for the far safer route, and post the sexy and wonderful music video of Nick Cave and PJ Harvey's "Henry Lee," brought to my attention by the incomparable jellied:

Man, that's great.

Because really... posting YouTube videos is second only to pointless bitching as the great LiveJournal pastime, isn't it?

;p

*You better be going somewhere with this, Bendis. I say this, because Bendis clearly reads my LJ.

**Damn it, Ennis, I KNOW you're capable of telling a brilliant story with depth, humanity, and insight. Would you turn SIX already and finally get the hell over your issues with religion?! Okay, okay, that's enough footnote bitching. I'm going to bed.

Comments

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

"I was going to write a whole entry expressing my frustration with people who just bitch all the time. With people who focus on the negative and just complain, whine, and curse, milking their indignation..."

...But enough about David Mamet.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

heh heh heh heh

It's strange how much I have enjoyed Mamet, since we've both ranted ourselves about such playwrights. I mean, I totally dig SEXUAL PERVERSITY IN CHICAGO and got an evil giddy thrill from the film of EDMOND.

But holy shit, do I ever hate OLEANNA.

Funnily enough, that first link I posted here is by Brian Michael Bendis, who is--I swear--the David Mamet of comics. Imagine if David Mamet were given free reign to write an ongoing series. Of superheroes.

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

"But holy shit, do I ever hate OLEANNA."

I think little hearts just popped out of my head like in an old Peanuts special.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

hee hee hee.

So you're not a fan either?

But hey, have you seen THE SPANISH PRISONER or STATE AND MAIN?

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

I like some Mamet. In fact, some of it I like a lot. But for the wannabe-persecuted complex of things like Oleanna I reserve the right to taunt him. Anyone who can be that good either knows better or should know better.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Ye gods, I do long for the day when you and I can just have a marathon of movie and play watching and loud, arms-flailing critiques.

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

Actually, I think my friend M might be a 'crushed idealist' and myself as well. It's one of the things I love about him. But this is entirely due to how we handle it.

For example, we never angry at the world, but we're both theatrical people who love to have a good session of venting. Around most of my... close associates I learned to stifle this because they were afraid of anything that upset me that they couldn't fix. As if simultaneously being both their girlfriend and upset about something meant I was deliberately breaking their favorite toy. When they couldn't make thing instantly happy with one or two moments of 'uh-huh' or 'well that's no big deal' it creeped them out. Wasn't being in a relationship all about making people happy and them making you happy?

(It's worth mentioning my two long term associations are ones that I now see were with men who were quite immature. Not in every way, but in a few key ones.)

This is my big boogie-monster now about relationships: I don't like people who think I can/will make them happy. Because I can't. And they can't make me happy. But if it's a good relationship, then in addition to making their life harder and more complicated I can also make it better. I can make it easier for them to make themselves happy. And they can do the same for me, assuming the fact that my bad days that don't disappear in a cloud of rose-petals as soon as I see them doesn't scare them silly.

When I lost some weight fairly quickly this summer, M said "That's great. I hope you don't have a terrible disease." And I loved him for it because as much as I enjoyed the weight loss, I'd thought the same thing. And I know now I need a partner who won't subtly pressure me into pretending I don't have those thoughts. (It should be noted there wasn't much snark about the comment. It was just one of his first thoughts - just as it had been one of mine.)

We never took our bad moods out on each other (other than being a bit more fussy if the day was really bad). It isn't ever name-calling or snapping, just like in public we're considered especially supportive, encouraging people. It's just permission to want to buy a loopy director an organizer as an opening night gift, or to wonder aloud if there's a sign outside the local DMV saying 'Your IQ can't be taller that this mark to enjoy the ride.'

It's permission to let idealism run low before refilling. I know I can have a bad day around him, honestly, because some day next week or next month he can have a bad day around me. Neither of us sees it as a sign the relationship sky must be falling. We each work to help make things better, but if it's our of our hands that's okay too. My smile and goodwill are not the spackle he thinks will fix every crack in his life.

After two men who never got this, and had no problem treating me poorly when our twu wuv failed to make their lives happily ever after, understanding this point is now requirement #1 in ever dating anyone again, ever. And if I never find it again I will die alone and you'll still have to chisel the contented smile off my face. The problem with the not-at-least-bruised idealist is when I want a date I look for a partner. They look for an answer.

(But this has little to do with the point of your post, which is people who wear crushed-idealism as a badge of accomplishment. Like they deserve credit for being disappointed in things. So I'll just shut up now. Really. This in no way hit a nerve with me. Nope, not at all. ;-)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

This is my big boogie-monster now about relationships: I don't like people who think I can/will make them happy. Because I can't. And they can't make me happy. But if it's a good relationship, then in addition to making their life harder and more complicated I can also make it better. I can make it easier for them to make themselves happy. And they can do the same for me, assuming the fact that my bad days that don't disappear in a cloud of rose-petals as soon as I see them doesn't scare them silly.

The problem with the not-at-least-bruised idealist is when I want a date I look for a partner. They look for an answer.

Hm. Food for thought. Just generally speaking.

But then, idealistic as I am, I think I'm more than just bruised at this point. Remember, walking open wound here. The important thing is that the wound is always fresh, never festering. Mom came up with that metaphor, and I love it so.

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

Yes, that is an excellent metaphor. I think I may have to 'borrow' it sometime.

/see how I avoided making an open-wound-f*cking reference in this reply?
//I think I'm growing :-)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hehehe, but really, how could you make an open-wound-fucking reference? What would it be a metaphor... uh... for?

Oh wait. Never mind.

Tee hee. :)

[jellied.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked the video.

And the links? Ugh. This is why I don't read most Avengers titles. I feel nauseous, and I don't even like Tigra. Fuck Bendis, man. FUCK HIM.

And you know there was a point where I really liked his writing. I can just tell that I'm going to be bitchy at work this week.

PS. Is your store hiring? Ha.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

God, I do. I'm a sucker for great one-take videos. I might say that other favorites would include Elton John's "I Want Love" with Robert Downey Jr, and that iPod "1,2,3,4" Feist video, but I'd never admit such a thing to you of all people, heavens no.

Yeah, I really don't care about Tigra either, although the recent scans_daily posts have made me... appreciate her a bit better. But what Bendis did... that's just ugly. I don't know what kind of payoff he possibly has in mind to, in his mind, excuse such cruel nasty brutality, but at this point, I don't know how one can artistically justify it.

They're superheroes, for god's sake. I want maturity in my stories just like everyone else, but that just strikes me as the lazy and immature way to do it.

Is my store hiring? Well, I *am* going to be leaving soon. ;)

[gnort.livejournal.com]

Feist is the artist eh? Yeah that's going to have to go on my Ipod now.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Have you seen the video? It's fun.

Not that I'd ever admit that.

... curse you, Richards.

[gnort.livejournal.com]

Can't say that I have, just the commercial. Fortunately, the interwebs can fix that...to youtube!!

[lairdofdarkness.livejournal.com]

Froma 35 yr old who would happily describe himself as a Crushed Idealist, I can give you this bit of advice.

Once I was a 24yr old naive kid with my head up my arse(sorry sounds better!!)
It didnt stop me and I dont think it should stop you. You have convictions and you can actually explain them. Too many folk just say stuff for shock value or to suck up to folk and then cannot back it up. I would much rather have a conversation with someone who disagreed with my views as long as they backed them up with why they felt that way AND it didnt degenerate into a slanging match.

Fisticuffs afterwards using Queensberry rules would be perfectly acceptable!!

NA was ok. Have no ties to Tigra but I know a lot of folk do. I'll trust him to actually have a plan here. Shame the cover didnt really have anything to do with the actual issue (well ok ONE PANEL!!!).
As for MA.......pure pointless wank fodder at the moment.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I do try not to. Shit, I writes whole books and shows based on my own outlook on the world, I should have the conviction to stand by 'em. That's just why I'm rather non-political, or keep my politics to myself.

Also, my brain is slow, and I can't always come up with an elegant defense off the top of my head.

Yeah, I don't really care about Tigra at all. But the damn thing just felt ugly and pointlessly shocking and cruel. I'm just getting very fed up with writers trying to imbue such aspects into bloody superhero comics. Like I say above, I want maturity in my stories just like everyone else, but that just strikes me as the lazy and immature way to do it.

And yes, well, it's Frank Cho. I love the guy (even if I'll never get that drawing he owes me), but when you have Frank Cho on your book, there will be boobs and ass. I mean, that's the only reason why Bendis decided to make Ultron a girl. Oy.

[themadhatter26.livejournal.com]

You really do need that Emperor Palpatine icon for me. I do so love my angry rants.

Now I'm going to eat some soup in a fit of rage.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

You're not as bad as some. It just is not fun to be around after a time. Nor is it really all that fun to feel. But then, the true Comic Book Guys out there love them some righteous indignation. I'm just sick of it. Life's too short.

Ha-ha... soup.

[themadhatter26.livejournal.com]

And for the record, somehow rage just makes soup taste better somehow.

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Aww. Frustrated jerks who call themselves cynics are silly. They're not cynics, they're just bitter. Not the same. It is kind of impossible for a real cynic to become bitter. Mostly it's just taking a moment to think about things, which in my case generally leads to raising an eyebrow and trying not to laugh. I usually fail at the "trying not to laugh" point, too. Keeps me humble, you know.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

In my original failed draft of this rant, I said that what makes you and Tom great cynics is your sense of irony and humor. Without it, I don't know how much fun you'd be, nor any other humorless cynics.

Randomly, of all people I'm sure you do, but you do listen to Nick Cave, yes? I'm so very very taken with "Murder Ballads."

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Humourless anybody is not really fit for human consumption.

I sometimes do. I like what I know. AJ is really into him and he burned me "Abbatoir Blues", but I don't really keep up. I always love "There She Goes, My Beautiful World".

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yeah, word to that.

Have ya checked out these last couple videos I posted?

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Yeah, good stuff. Nick Cave's chicken legs freak me out, though.

[pokeyburro.livejournal.com]

People like that seem to be bitter or cynical because they see evidence of other people who don't seem to care about things. The house is dirty, the lawn is overgrown, the kids are crying, the old woman has to stand on the train, traffic is backed up, the bills are past due, tech support doesn't think you really have a problem, the pastor is drunk, the politician took a bribe, the athlete took drugs, the carpenter didn't line up the cabinets, some guy abused some woman, these people killed those people.

I see all that, and yet, for each, I see twenty symphonies performed, homes built, businesses run, festivals held, awards given, tomatoes sold, mountains climbed, debts repaid, lessons learned, points scored, halls swept, murals painted, power lines replaced, packages delivered, problems solved, devices invented. The good not only outruns the bad; it kicks bad's ass so squarely that we've learned to notice only the bad because it's out of place. Despite all the waste, despite all the neglect, something's still driving us. It's insane how great it is.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I see life as too rich to simply relegate it to "life is good" or "life is cruel." But some people do.

The good not only outruns the bad; it kicks bad's ass so squarely that we've learned to notice only the bad because it's out of place. Despite all the waste, despite all the neglect, something's still driving us. It's insane how great it is.

Of course, there can be compelling arguments against that. But I do like yours.

[heykidzcomix.livejournal.com]

Ideals are for the weak, man. Sociopathy is the wave of tomorrow--today!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

... there's got to be a character for whom I can use that slogan in an LJ icon or mock-up motivational poster or something.

[heykidzcomix.livejournal.com]

Banquo's a pretty convincing sociopath. Most people wouldn't know that, though, on account of the hiatus.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Ha! You should do a mock Soviet propaganda poster of Banquo with that slogan!

[metalcrowe.livejournal.com]

And now I truly, truly understand why PJ Harvey made one of the WWYDs earlier this year.

/me needs a cold shower now

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

You ain't kidding. Even though she does have that weird Dick Cheney/Drew Barrymore mouth going on, and they both strike me as looking kinda sickly, that video is teh sex.

I might actually start looking into a bit more of her stuff at some point.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

So what specifically in those comics irked you?

I'm at work and it's willcall and I don't have time to read them, but I'm curious.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

The first is from the latest New Avengers, regarding the treatment of a certain character at the hands of the Hood, Bendis' new Kingpin of Supervillains. It's a long story to explain, and I'm not even pissed from the sexist standpoint (that said, I wouldn't be surprised if we see an uproar akin to the MJ statue, but we'll see), as much as it just struck me as needlessly cruel and pointless. Basically, it's Tigra getting brutalized and degraded, and it's downright ugly, and not in a way that seems artistically redeeming.

The other is the trade paperback of Garth Ennis' CHRONICLES OF WORMWOOD, which is the most explicit chapter yet in Ennis' I-hate-God-and-religion-rargh series. I'll explain later.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

Word up.