thehefner | Oscar Grumblings

Why do I give a shit about the Oscars? Why can't I just write them off as the bullshit they so obviously are? Because I like seeing things that I consider to be good celebrated in a way that validates their quality and, subsequently, my own taste? Or is it just ingrained in me, like so many others, that the Oscars are the highest of holy events for Hollywood?

I mean, the Best Picture category is an annual source of fear and frustration, and this year is no different.

ATONEMENT
MICHAEL CLAYTON
JUNO
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
THERE WILL BE BLOOD

Now, I haven't seen ATONEMENT, but I know one person who adores it (having read the book) and a handful of people who viciously hate it enough to start their own mafia specifically designed to glower at this film. Nor have I seen MICHAEL CLAYTON, which made three of CHUD.com's 2007 lists: one "Best of 2007," and two "Worst of 2007." Take that how you will.

And then there's JUNO. By the way, I finally figured out what bugs me about JUNO! It's JOSS-WHEDON-Y! Oh, it's perfect! All is clear now! But yes, yes, I do enjoy the film, mainly now thanks to an essay in The Hater, which I wish was online. It was titled, "Why It's Okay to Love This Phony Movie."

All that said, I feel comfortable enough to say that if any of those above films beat NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN or THERE WILL BE BLOOD for Best Picture, I will eat my hat. And I like my hat, ladies and gentlemen. I want it on my head, not in my head, on the way to my stomach.

But the fact is, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN is fucking violent, and its anti-conventional-storytelling will likely turn many voters off. And THERE WILL BE BLOOD... well, it's unique. It's a true original, and originality has a way of not winning Oscars.

Ah well. Perhaps the WGA strike will derail this Academy Awards too, having already proven the Golden Globes to be an inglorious vanity event without a big ceremony to dress things up.

The only thing I'd miss about not having a whole award show is that ONCE's Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglová wouldn't get to perform live. Yes, they're nominated for best song, which I knew they would be (I told them so, and they seemed to honestly think it wasn't going to happen). They deserve it.

(Although apparently the Irish fucking hate Glen Hansard. What's up with that?)

In the meantime, I'm gonna re-watch THERE WILL BE BLOOD and frequent the most gloriously ridiculous fansite in the world, www.idrinkyourmilkshake.com. Seriously, "I drink your milkshake," should be the next "Say hello to my little friend!" and "pwned!"