don't piss off Aquaman

[thehefner]

Aquaman doesn't get enough respect.

I know I said that about Superman too, but I don't have to explain the difference. Seriously, even you non-comic fans, when you hear the name Aquaman, isn't the very first word that pops into your head "lame"?

I blame SUPERFRIENDS. I really do. He would have been just another character to evolve and develop quietly within the comic book world if it weren't for that show reaching the general mainstream masses. As such, he's a pop culture icon of lameness.

And it's a real shame. This is a character who's the King of Atlantis, ruler of the seas! By that fact alone, the fucker rules the Earth! A great Aquaman story should be like a combination of I, CLAUDIUS, THE ABYSS, THE TUDORS, ANIMAL MAN, LORD OF THE RINGS, and CONAN THE BARBARIAN, with magic, superheroics, political intrigue, environmentalism, classical mythology all wrapped in one orange chain-mail shirt!

Hell, even Patton Oswalt knows how awesome Aquaman is! But no matter how many solid Aquaman stories there are, until we truly do see a James Cameron type pull a BATMAN BEGINS with a movie version, he's still going to be the guy who talks to fish.

Because, seriously. If you piss Aquaman off, he will fuck your shit up.

Would that I had the scans from the Alex Ross/Paul Dini story to prove that Aquaman will ride up on a fucking whale, carrying a huge goddamn spear and surrounded by all the ocean's denizens he could summon, all for the express purpose of kicking some evil surface-dweller ass. But let me assure you, if you really piss him off by, say, clubbing some baby seals, he won't stop there. Oh no.



He will throw a fucking polar bear at you. Possibly the polar bear from LOST, if he's really cheesed off. So show Aquaman some damn respect.

Comments

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

Funny you should say that, because my brother and I were just watching "Superfriends" last night, but the one with Adam West voicing Batman and they call themselves the Superpowers Team or some craziness. Anyway, Darkseid did something bad: "Oh no, Aquaman's been incapacitated! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?"
But really, I love Aquaman. But then, I love "Superfriends". And you're right, he needs more respect. He does important work. Having him in the passenger seat allows Wonder Woman to double-park the invisible jet while she runs into the bank for a second to deposit her Justice Paycheck!

That gun only looks "strange" to him because what's the point of a gun when you can toss apex predators at people?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Ha! Yes, well Darkseid too understands the awesomeness of Aquaman, and surely has some deeply sinister plan by depriving the League!

Still, it's kinda sad: underwater, he's the King. On land, he's, like, tenth in command in the League. The Flash gets more respect.

Speaking of Superfriends, I fear to see the live-action Superfriends special with Adam West and a bunch of other actors playing the DC heroes and villains. *shudder* the 70's...

[tompurdue.livejournal.com]

Is there any sense in which Aquaman is any lamer than any other superhero? Or is it really just one of those long-running jokes that somebody started and everybody else just decided was amusing, like with fruitcake?

I first saw it in the Boondocks comic strip during the 2004 election, but it was said as if it was conventional wisdom.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

The general wisdom is that his only ability is to talk to fish, which is an utterly useless power to have on land, and kinda silly anyway underwater. That seems to negate all suspension of disbelief.

[frumple.livejournal.com]

Hey I thought the treatment they gave Aquaman in the Justice League/Justice Leage Unlimited series was quite cool.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Agreed. But then, JL/JLU was pretty uniformly excellent. Would that more people followed it.

Which reminds me, a heads-up in case you're not already aware of it-- JUSTICE LEAGUE: THE NEW FRONTIER is coming to DVD in the next couple of weeks. I snuck a peek, and it's fucking amazing.

[frumple.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I particularly loved the Cthulhu episode and the Booser Gold saves the World one. :)

[jackolantern.livejournal.com]

Aquaman needs to call the Cloverfield monster to heel. Then he can spin on his heel, raise an eyebrow and say, "Mmmkay, no more oil spills or dolphins in tuna nets or I tell Clovey that he can rampage anydamnwhere he wants."

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hehehe, now I'm imagining Aquaman as a Greenpeace activist ala Beavis and Butt-Head's hippie teacher. He could and should team up with angry Grant Morrison vegan Animal Man!

[civilbloodshed.livejournal.com]

I think it's the costume. I mean, come on, orange and green? Eugh. You never see Namor get dissed like that, sparkly green Speedo and all.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, Namor's little tiny flapping foot wings should be the final word right there.

I mean, I love Namor, and it's only because he's so damn badass that he can get away with them. But still. Tiny little flappy footy wings.

[fragmentedsky.livejournal.com]

I saw this and felt you would apprecite. It is by floating_icons:

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Suh-weeeeeeet!

I think I will indeed yank. Until I can get a proper "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" icon. :)

[gnort.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Aquaman got shafted. They at least tried to have him pull his weight even if it did involve having some scene arbitrarily take place near the water. Hawkman on the other hand..dear god, he was worse. To be fair he couldn't hit anybody with his mace but still, it's tragic.

Another thing I never understood was why he had that little aqua scooter. I mean isn't he like an uber-fast swimmer?