An Open Letter

[thehefner]

Dear Joss,



Look, I know we have our differences.

Your storytelling, characters, and dialogue--beloved by virtually everyone I know and downright arsehole-licking worshiped by fandom in general--make my teeth melt and my eardrums prolapse. I dislike... no, let's face it, I hate, hate, I'm using the word hate here, how you write the majority of your characters as snarky, snide, glib fourteen-year-old girls. Even Wolverine. Wolverine is not a fourteen-year-old girl, Joss. It grates on my nerves and it comes off as smug and self-satisfied. Or maybe that's just the impression I get from you, personally.

That's not to say I think you're a bad writer. I absolutely and firmly believe that you're an excellent storyteller, one of the most talented in TV and comics out there. You actually care about things like plot and character development above cheap sensationalism. You have my respect, and you have my admiration.

In truth, I envy you. Look, my personal goal is to become a cult of personality artist myself. A lesser Joss Whedon. A poor man's Quentin Tarantino. A less-bullshitty Warren Ellis. A washed Chuck Palahniuk. I don't have it in me to be a mainstream success, but I honestly, truly believe I have the potential to be a cult writer.

That's my life goal: I want fans who scare the ever-loving shit outta me.

But I digress. I do that a lot. I'll probably do it a little more before we're through.

Hell, at this point, I might as well get all this out there. In for a penny, and all that.

Part of it is that you personally remind me of some people I've known; downright brilliant writers and thinkers who are also kind of smug pricks with chips on their shoulders. Speaking as a non-religious person, one step about being agnostic, it did rather bug me when, in an AV Club interview, you said that "there's no God, absolutely not, and that's a very important and necessary thing to learn." Left a bad taste in my mouth, hard to say why.

Perhaps since then, you've tweaked bitter associations with those aformentioned old "friends" of mine. Then again, no, I still squirm when I think of someone naming a wooden stake "Mr. Pointy." So maybe not. *shudder*

The fact is, 99% of the time, as legitimately good as you truly are, a master in your field... you're just not for me. KIM POSSIBLE does everything that you do, but in a way that doesn't make me want to tear my own head off. It's more innocent, less glib. It's the glib I can't take.

My point, Joss... and yes, I have a point... my point... is ASTONISHING X-MEN # 23. Which just came out today.

Now, I've run hot and cold on this entire run of yours, which started off strong but eventually fell apart into tedium. Well now, we get issue # 23. And y'know what, Joss? I have only one thing to say to you.

...

... FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!

I swear, I must've reread those last six pages a dozen times today, and they never, ever, ever get any less ass-kickingly badass awesome. Thank you, thank you, THANK you for finally doing right by this much-abused character, perhaps for the first time in his forty-four year history of neglect and disrespect.

Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck-fuckin'-A-YEAH.

We may never see eye-to-eye, even if you eventually do discover that I exist. At that point, I shall probably be so flustered that I'll lie through my teeth and start sporting a "Joss Whedon is my Master Now" T-shirt (which my small but devoted legion of HefHeads will have been pre-instructed to put me out of my misery should such a horrifying instance ever occur).

In the meantime, I shall continue to grit my teeth any time someone buys a BUFFY SEASON 8 comic book while issues of EX MACHINA, IMMORTAL IRON FIST, ALL-STAR SUPERMAN, and GREEN LANTERN sit a-mouldering on the shelves. I will always be unable to watch FIREFLY without thinking how much I prefer FARSCAPE, or endure BUFFY and ANGEL without wishing for every single character to be edited out except for Spike (and maybe throw Geraint Wyn Davies in the mix). And yes, I will still use "browncoat" as a universal term for a rabid fanbase tainting something that's genuinely good with overhype and disturbing obsession.

But now and forever, Joss... if only for these six pages... you have my eternal respect and gratitude.

See you at Comic Con 2015. I'll be the one writing the ongoing "Two-Face meets Johnny Go" series, and wearing the T-shirt that reads "WHAT HAPPENS TO A TOAD WHEN IT'S STRUCK BY LIGHTNING?"

Good luck finding me, though, as I'll be hiding from both of our fans.

Sincerely,

Heffie

Comments

[fragmentedsky.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'm exceptional. Then again, maybe she's just stupid. You of all people must know that some people are hard-headed narrow-minded snobs about comic books. Personally I'm more literature geek than comic-book geek, but that doesn't mean I don't know comic books have a lot to offer. The initial problem was being overwhelmed. I don't know anyone but you who's actually an expert in the area, and comic books are too expensive to not know where to start (yes, I wound up starting with Joss, but it's a bit like leading a skittish horse through the dark, you see. No pun.) If I'd been there, I would have told her off. I realize you can't, what with actually being employed there, but I resent being lumped into her fandom.

And YAAAAY! I feel special. I might be able to get over there this afternoon, and if not, certainly Tuesday or Wednesday.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Today and Tuesday (although not between 3:30-5:30) would be best, because they are relatively slow-ish, and thus we can chat. We can discuss this topic further at length then. :)