An Open Letter

[thehefner]

Dear Joss,



Look, I know we have our differences.

Your storytelling, characters, and dialogue--beloved by virtually everyone I know and downright arsehole-licking worshiped by fandom in general--make my teeth melt and my eardrums prolapse. I dislike... no, let's face it, I hate, hate, I'm using the word hate here, how you write the majority of your characters as snarky, snide, glib fourteen-year-old girls. Even Wolverine. Wolverine is not a fourteen-year-old girl, Joss. It grates on my nerves and it comes off as smug and self-satisfied. Or maybe that's just the impression I get from you, personally.

That's not to say I think you're a bad writer. I absolutely and firmly believe that you're an excellent storyteller, one of the most talented in TV and comics out there. You actually care about things like plot and character development above cheap sensationalism. You have my respect, and you have my admiration.

In truth, I envy you. Look, my personal goal is to become a cult of personality artist myself. A lesser Joss Whedon. A poor man's Quentin Tarantino. A less-bullshitty Warren Ellis. A washed Chuck Palahniuk. I don't have it in me to be a mainstream success, but I honestly, truly believe I have the potential to be a cult writer.

That's my life goal: I want fans who scare the ever-loving shit outta me.

But I digress. I do that a lot. I'll probably do it a little more before we're through.

Hell, at this point, I might as well get all this out there. In for a penny, and all that.

Part of it is that you personally remind me of some people I've known; downright brilliant writers and thinkers who are also kind of smug pricks with chips on their shoulders. Speaking as a non-religious person, one step about being agnostic, it did rather bug me when, in an AV Club interview, you said that "there's no God, absolutely not, and that's a very important and necessary thing to learn." Left a bad taste in my mouth, hard to say why.

Perhaps since then, you've tweaked bitter associations with those aformentioned old "friends" of mine. Then again, no, I still squirm when I think of someone naming a wooden stake "Mr. Pointy." So maybe not. *shudder*

The fact is, 99% of the time, as legitimately good as you truly are, a master in your field... you're just not for me. KIM POSSIBLE does everything that you do, but in a way that doesn't make me want to tear my own head off. It's more innocent, less glib. It's the glib I can't take.

My point, Joss... and yes, I have a point... my point... is ASTONISHING X-MEN # 23. Which just came out today.

Now, I've run hot and cold on this entire run of yours, which started off strong but eventually fell apart into tedium. Well now, we get issue # 23. And y'know what, Joss? I have only one thing to say to you.

...

... FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!

I swear, I must've reread those last six pages a dozen times today, and they never, ever, ever get any less ass-kickingly badass awesome. Thank you, thank you, THANK you for finally doing right by this much-abused character, perhaps for the first time in his forty-four year history of neglect and disrespect.

Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck-fuckin'-A-YEAH.

We may never see eye-to-eye, even if you eventually do discover that I exist. At that point, I shall probably be so flustered that I'll lie through my teeth and start sporting a "Joss Whedon is my Master Now" T-shirt (which my small but devoted legion of HefHeads will have been pre-instructed to put me out of my misery should such a horrifying instance ever occur).

In the meantime, I shall continue to grit my teeth any time someone buys a BUFFY SEASON 8 comic book while issues of EX MACHINA, IMMORTAL IRON FIST, ALL-STAR SUPERMAN, and GREEN LANTERN sit a-mouldering on the shelves. I will always be unable to watch FIREFLY without thinking how much I prefer FARSCAPE, or endure BUFFY and ANGEL without wishing for every single character to be edited out except for Spike (and maybe throw Geraint Wyn Davies in the mix). And yes, I will still use "browncoat" as a universal term for a rabid fanbase tainting something that's genuinely good with overhype and disturbing obsession.

But now and forever, Joss... if only for these six pages... you have my eternal respect and gratitude.

See you at Comic Con 2015. I'll be the one writing the ongoing "Two-Face meets Johnny Go" series, and wearing the T-shirt that reads "WHAT HAPPENS TO A TOAD WHEN IT'S STRUCK BY LIGHTNING?"

Good luck finding me, though, as I'll be hiding from both of our fans.

Sincerely,

Heffie

Comments

[yancentric.livejournal.com]

Astonishing is, even at its weakest, better than any X-book i've read in years. characters who've farted by listlessly for years suddenly are full of life and direction. sure, the dialogue's campy at times, but generally i'm so caught up in actually addictively turning each page with excitement for these characters that i haven't felt since I was 13 that i don't mind it.

half the people i know that read buffy season 8 would otherwise never pick up a comic. you should be overjoyed that it brings new attention to the medium rather than caught up in an unwinnable battle to make Green Lantern interesting to anyone beyond the fringe.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

For somewhat different reasons, I also highly favor X-FACTOR. But they're not the "real" X-Men, and I agree with you on that point. I love the characters in theory, but I've rarely read X-books that I could really tolerate, much less get into (large chunks of Claremont's legendary run are the exception, of course, and Morrison brought a lot of interesting stuff to the table, even the stuff that failed).

The problem with that second point is that it technically brings them into comics, yes. In that they are now reading a comic book, when they never have before.

But do they read any comics besides it, or pick up an issue of something else once their beloved creator has moved on? Maybe a couple, but if my experiences with Kevin Smith on GREEN ARROW or Laurel K. Hamilton's ANITA BLAKE comics have taught me anything, it's that fans are hard pressed to start getting into other comics. They have a very specific interest, and rarely are curious to branch out. In fairness, why should they be?

Still, if this proves not to be the case with Joss, I shall be a happy panda. Indeed, I truly will be "overjoyed." But until I start seeing some evidence of that, I ain't holding my breath.

[holli.livejournal.com]

The first time I ever walked into a comic book store was to buy a copy of "Fray," Joss's first foray into comics.

So, you know, there's that.

[fragmentedsky.livejournal.com]

Hey hey hey. Exception to that Buffy-comic-only thing right here. :p

Yo. This is Abby, random girl who keeps popping into your store who, while annoyingly buying the Joss stuff, has freely admitted that Brian K. Vaughn does a lot of stuff better after things you recommended.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Not long after you came in, a middle-aged woman came into the store looking for Buffy. Still excited over Cyclopps, I also pointed Joss' X-Men book out. She said, "Even my fandom has limits."

hrm.

I'm glad you dropped me a line, because I was hoping to tell you that we got Y vol. 9 in, like, an hour after you left! I put one aside for you yesterday, and assuming Saturday guy didn't put it back, it's still there. I'll be in tomorrow-Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon, if you wanna see me while you pick it up.

[fragmentedsky.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'm exceptional. Then again, maybe she's just stupid. You of all people must know that some people are hard-headed narrow-minded snobs about comic books. Personally I'm more literature geek than comic-book geek, but that doesn't mean I don't know comic books have a lot to offer. The initial problem was being overwhelmed. I don't know anyone but you who's actually an expert in the area, and comic books are too expensive to not know where to start (yes, I wound up starting with Joss, but it's a bit like leading a skittish horse through the dark, you see. No pun.) If I'd been there, I would have told her off. I realize you can't, what with actually being employed there, but I resent being lumped into her fandom.

And YAAAAY! I feel special. I might be able to get over there this afternoon, and if not, certainly Tuesday or Wednesday.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Today and Tuesday (although not between 3:30-5:30) would be best, because they are relatively slow-ish, and thus we can chat. We can discuss this topic further at length then. :)

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

Is that the 9th trade for Y?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Indeedy do. You need one too?

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

Yes, we do.

How much is it?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Fifteen bucks. We have one left, aside from the one I'm already holding for Abby.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

Grab it, mofo.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Tis grabbed. I'll also catch you up to speed with ANNIHILATION. Do you have the last Quasar and Wraith? I'll also get the last Starlord and CONQUEST # 1.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

I need StarLord #4, Quasar #4 (I hear Warlock Adam returns!), Nova #8, and Conquest #1.

I have the last Wraith.

Uh.. is that everything?

Awesome.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I do believe that's everything.

BEOWULF opens this Thursday, 9:15. Too late for you? I'm itchin' to see it. You should hopefully feel better by then, and we can do a mighty comic exchange. Otherwise, I'll just come by Wednesday.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

I doubt I can do it that night, but I do want to see it with you.

If you can manage to wait a little to see it, I'll do everything I can to make myself available to see it as soon as possible.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

*whiny* But I'm all antsy in the pantsy for Beh-oh-wullllllffffffff!

Let me know when you can, then. Maybe it'll be in the Air and Space IMAX after all, but we'll have to wait and see. Because yeah, that'd be the best of all possibilities, with the Potomac Yards one a close second.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

Ah, but the convenience of Potomac Yard, to both home and HOPS, makes it quite tempting in it's own right.

[little-dinosaur.livejournal.com]

I knew you'd like that part. I even liked that part, and you know my views on both Cyclops and Joss Whedon.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

The fact that he kicked ass was only half of it. But really drove the whole thing home was the last page. He finally, FINALLY made Scott a leader.

"To me, my X-Men."

Chills. It's about fucking time.

Of course, watch all other X-writers totally forget this and go right back to making him the lame, ineffectual, humorless second fiddle to Wolverine. But for right now... hell fucking yes.

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

I like that you like Spike. He's one of the best. I was watching Angel today and I noticed you can put him in anything (the character and/or the actor) and he'll make it work.

This was a very manly admission of you. Well-done.

Must not add 'Who's your daddy?'

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yes, but only because he's basically an exceptional vampiric rip on John Constantine (James Marsters should SO have played John over Keanu, bad English accent and all!), who's one of the best characters of any literature ever.

I just want Spike. No one else. Just him. And Giles on weekends. For me, accents make the Whedonness work.