The Blue Swallow Motel, Tucumcari, NM

[thehefner]

Tonight, I'm writing from the historic Blue Swallow Motel in Tucumcari, New Mexico, where the wireless stinks just like the other motels (thus still no photos) but at least this one is *far* more pleasant at which to stay. Also pricier, but after much soul-searching, I decided to forgo staying in one of the many, many cheaper/crappier motels/RV parks in favor of this place, which has been raved about in both ROAD TRIP USA and by SMITHSONIAN Magazine. Ah, the eternal struggle of life-experience versus budget. Mom has assured me that I'll have plenty more chances to sleep in the back of the minivan. I'd better!

It's been a crappy day and a half, though, and I finally realized why. Ever since I got past the utter one-two-three-and-one-again-punch of awesomeness that was Claremore, Oklahoma, things just went downhill. Ironic, because there are very few hills to speak of once you get halfway through OK and head through the Texas panhandle. Nothing bad happened, per se. That's just the problem, nothing happened at all! Of the few interesting Route 66 stops to be had in Texas, most were just too damn hard to track down while others were (like so many stops along the way) closed.

But the real problem, I realized, is that I hate the flatness. I really, really hate the flat, flat nothingness for as far as the eye can see. Part of the real fun of this trip has been that feeling of never knowing what's around the bend, that just the exploring was exciting. But here, there are no bends, just a horizon surrounding a hellish deadscape. Getting someplace is no longer a journey, but a task. A chore.

And the Texas sights all require driving for miles and miles off the main road. I wish I'd have thought to find these places on a map before I left rather than relying on ROAD TRIP USA, my GPS, and simply following Route 66, all of which have served me very well so far! But just trying to follow the directions of one sign into miles and miles of nothing with the hope of there possibly being something... I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

But the biggest disappointment was arriving, like, fifteen minutes after the Midpoint Cafe in Adrian, TX closed. ROAD TRIP USA said that this was one of the essential stops, that you can taste the happiness in their steak and pie. Denied. Utterly, utterly denied my steak and pie.

But as I drove off, frustrated and defeated toward Tucumcari, I noticed that the blinding and annoying setting sun had finally, finally gone past that maddening horizon, leaving a sunset that I would have missed had I been at the cafe. It's one of those things in nature that have inspired countless artists to try to capture and recreate for paintings sold in mall carts and the like, the kind of beauty that cannot be captured in art. And honestly, it's no happy-tasting steak-and-pie dinner... but a Texas sunset? That ain't a bad consolation prize.

Four days into Route 66, and my experience is half "utter joy and awesomeness and holy crap this is one of the greatest experiences of my life" and half "Get me the fuck out of Missouri/half of Oklahoma/the Texas panhandle."



On the plus side, I think I've come up with a new draft of THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES for the 2009 tour, and I'm really, really proud of it. It's a definite change from the format of the original, but it just might be the stronger, tighter, more immediately powerful and effective show. More to the point, it's a show I can now perform and feel like I'm doing it for the first time, with a fresh and current perspective. Yay for growth and progress! Assuming it's actually good.

Comments

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

A word of advice?

Don't let Road Trip USA tell you whats worth seeing.

Guide books like that are written to sell copies, and all they need for that is material. They know no one is ever going to call them on bullshit, so they pick anything they can find to fill the book. You saw 1408, right? Where John Cusack is a haunted-spots book author, and he writes up anything he can find, no matter how dull?

Choose your own adventure. Like those kids books from back in the day.

Stop letting someone else tell you what is worth the time. Those places are diners and motels exactly like any other, for the most part.

You know what you missed at the Midpoint Cafe?

The same crap you'll find at the next diner.

So go to that next diner and enjoy it for all it is, and for all it isn't. Then enjoy the fact that what it it and isn't is yours to experience.

Hope this wasn't harsh, I wanted it to be freeing.

What would the Blues Brothers do?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

You're right, of course, but the thing you gotta understand is that I'm not yet at that point where I can do that. I am most definitely not a "it's the journey, not the destination" person. As such, when it comes to things to see or eat, I'm always worried if something is a hidden gem or a rip-off. If it weren't for ROAD TRIP USA, I never, *ever* would have thought to visit some of the places I've been which have absolutely *made* my trip, nor eaten some of the best food experiences I've ever tasted.

Besides, to go on 66, you kinda *need* to read up on it because it's... well, it's history!

If you prefer, see this book is like my training wheels, teaching me what to look for and what to be open to, so I won't even need it in the future. But otherwise, dude, these are gems I'm not gonna find on my own. Wouldn't it be better to keep the book as "more like guidelines" and just be open to doing whatever the hell I want along the way? Because that's actually what the book says I should do too.

The Blues Brothers have had experience on the road, on their own. One of the reasons I'm doing this is because it's my first major stint on non-school related time out of fucking DC now that Dad's gone.

Finally, as to that diner being like all the others? I need you to hear this loud and clear: the apple pie I had at the Hammett House in Claremore, OK was the best goddamn apple pie I've ever had anywhere ever. I would not have gotten that anywhere else, at any other diner. They're not interchangeable, and I need to find the gems.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

As long as you are open to the idea of things not going according to plan, and that that can be a good thing, then cool.

Sorry if I sounded harsh, I wrote that just after waking at 5am.

[kmousie.livejournal.com]

Texas sunsets are wonderful. Glad you got to see one!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

It was pretty damn awesome. Hopefully my Texas experience will be better on my way back through 80! It'll certainly be bigger!

[themadhatter26.livejournal.com]

I'll say this here to keep things current:

"I thought you were going to kill yourself."

"I tried to. I fell asleep in the garage with the doors closed and my mom's car on."

"And that didn't do it?"

"Freakin' hybrids man."

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

BRILLIANT exchange and delivery. "Freakin' hybrids, man. They just don't do the trick."

[tompurdue.livejournal.com]

I thought all that flat was pretty cool, but it gets old fast. It's the same flat it was yesterday.

But the stars are not to be missed. Pull the minivan over where there aren't any lights, and you'll see the sky as you've never seen it before. It's jaw-dropping. The Milky Way stands out in a way you've never seen it. Just after sunset tonight you should get good views of Venus and Jupiter. (Just look up a bit from where the sun set, and they'll be the two bright bits.)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

God, you're so right. Nothing like 'em. Jaw-dropping is the word.

[gnort.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain. I've made the 1,800 mile drive from MD out here twice and it's a trial. Cruise control and music help a little. The flatness and the fact that you spend a lot of time just driving in a straight line fuse to create the perfect storm of monotony.

I agree with your friend about seeing the stars far, far away from ambient light. It's beautiful.

[themadhatter26.livejournal.com]

John puts on the cruise-control, and then goes into a cornfield. His life is self-fulfilling Simpsons prophecy

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

It's a wonder that hasn't happened yet.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we MD boys aren't too accustomed to such flatness. Coincidentally, the boyfriend of the girl I'm staying with is an Oklahoma boy who was unsettled by having to drive around in non-flat places. So many corners!

[fiveseconddelay.livejournal.com]

I hope you are at the Frontier Restaurant right now!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Crap, I knew there was something I was forgetting! Fuck! It all gets really overwhelming.

On the plus side, I found a couple things that you need to see. I'll be getting to them in the photos coming up, maybe in the next couple days.

[superfan1.livejournal.com]

Been to texas once lovely state and like you said very flat.

Enjoy the rest of your trip.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Where did you go?

[superfan1.livejournal.com]

I went to Austin texas, to visit a aunt.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I hear Austin is awesome. I doubt I'll have time to make a detour there on my way back to the East coast in February. I'd love to go there someday.