Jason's Big Day

[thehefner]

Thank god someone loaded this today, so I was able to post this just under the wire:

Don't it just warm the cockles of your heart? I mean, before Jason stabs you through said cockles?

I was considering giving a full, thoughtful review for the new FRIDAY THE 13TH, but frankly, I don't think anyone else really cares, much less gets all warm and fuzzy at the thought of this unstoppable special-ed zombie.*

Suffice it to say, the new FRIDAY pleased me. The people giving it bad reviews are the ones who completely miss the point. They might as well try reviewing porn movies. It's not a real movie, it's FRIDAY THE GODDAMNED 13TH! And as a Jason movie, it absolutely succeeded.

Also, it features a character who really could join the ranks of the all-time great assholes. Not quite at Walter Peck from GHOSTBUSTERS levels, but definitely somewhere around Paul Reiser in ALIENS, and Anthony Michael Hall in EDWARD SCISSORHANDS. Even though the film failed to deliver a truly satisfying death for him ala Rhodes in DAY OF THE DEAD, let's just say that Travis Van Winkle may just be the Scream Queen of 2009.


*Dang it, I just want Jason displaced and put in other situations. Like, fighting Uruk-Hai. Or Aliens! Imagine Jason getting attacked by a facehugger: before the alien baby can burst out, he just does the practical thing and stabs himself in the gut repeatedly. Dead alien baby bleeds acid, burns its way out, plops to the ground, and Jason moves on to battle the Queen with a machete.

Come on, I can't be the ONLY one who's in a happy place with this visual!

Comments

[themadhatter26.livejournal.com]

I really need to find someone to go see this movie with. And also, I'm totally there with you on Jason vs. Aliens. Or Jason vs. Anything, really. Jason vs. Chucky? Nah, too easy. Jason vs. China? That could be quite good. Jason vs. Zombie Brock Samson? Fuck YES.

oooohhh...

[spirit-o-fire.livejournal.com]

I must agree, Jason Vs. Aliens does sound fantastic...

"Jason vs. Zombie Brock Samson?"

...
...

HOLYSHIT!

Full of WIN!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yes, definitely do! You're one of the few people I know who could enjoy this.

Jason vs. China? Ticket=BOUGHT.

Thank you!

[spirit-o-fire.livejournal.com]

Truly, that warmed the cockles of my heart. Maybe even the sub-cockles.

I was much, much amused.

So the new one is actually worth seeing?

Re: Thank you!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Only if you go into it expecting nothing less and nothing more than a Jason Voorhees movie, with all that entails. In which case, fuck yes.

Make no mistake, it's not a good movie by normal human standards of taste and worth. But it's a true blue Jason fucking Voorhees movie, back to basics.

It's not the one *I* would make, though. I'd love to see my vision of a perfect Jason movie come to life. But I can't fault the new film for being a near-perfect (I have a couple quibbles; Jason kidnaps people now?) throwback to films which weren't good in the first place yet somehow wormed their way into my heart.

[droidboy010101.livejournal.com]

Ugh, hasn't the once wonderful Alien series taken a beating enough when they did those horrid Predator crossovers...

Nah, kidding. If they did it tongue in cheek that scene would be fine.

I'd kinda like to see Jason vs. The Borg or vs. the Daleks. How fucking hilarious and the complete rape of my childhood would that be?

"Resistance is Futile" SLASH HACK!!!

"Exterminate!" SLASH HACK! "My vision is impared, I cannot see."

I almost wanted to see that Robot Chicken clip to show Jason going to some office job for the rest of the year and his co-workers asking him what he had going on for Friday night.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Wait, can the Daleks disintegrate organic material? Because that might actually give them the advantage. Hell, they also might be the only things that could defeat the RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD "brains!" zombies!

Otherwise, I would SO be on board for Jason vs. the Daleks. Hell, I want Jason vs. Mordor, assuming it survives its battle with Indiana Jones.

No, Jason's life is too sad and lonely even to have a day job, much less co-workers who'd strike up small talk with him. That said, they do still talk about that strange retarded boy who drowned in the water cooler...

Didja get my response in the other post, with the videos and my question about Wednesday??

[droidboy010101.livejournal.com]

I think it would be a stalemate pretty much.

Oh right, sorry for not replying to the previous comment. I intend on attending next Wednesday!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Someone did a JASON VS. LEATHERFACE comic. It involved Jason getting invited to dinner with the Sawyer Family, and becoming Leatherface's BFF. All while in character. It was delightful.

And huzzah!!! *throws confetti*

[wolfcatt.livejournal.com]

:O I've heard of this comic! I MUST FIND EET! How rare is it and do you know in what year it was released?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Dunno how rare it is, but you can find scans of it here:

http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/tag/jason+voorhees

[wolfcatt.livejournal.com]

Thankyou! <3

[wolfcatt.livejournal.com]

But Jason has already been to space in Jason X... *cries* They never did anything with aliens at all! *bawls* WHYYYYYYYYY!!??

I just say we have a free for all and go Jason vs. Everyone & Everything. I'm there.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

But they did have a holodeck sequence. That made it alllllllll worthwhile.

Really, that should just be a comic series. JASON VS. Like THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD, except it's "How will Jason slaughter *this* week's special guest star?"

... Like, Jason vs. the Punisher. That's another one.

[wolfcatt.livejournal.com]

Hm. I seem to have forgotten that part. Maybe I can find it on youtube or something.

Personally I've always wanted to see Jason vs Pinhead or even Micheal Meyers vs Pinhead or even Jason vs Micheal Meyers! But either way this Jason vs Alien movie must get made. Perhaps we can throw Jason vs Predator in there too for Jason vs Alien vs Predator :D So many possibilities. Jason vs Ash? Hmm.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Behold and savor.

SQUEE!

[wolfcatt.livejournal.com]

I'd forgotten about that! I knew there was one with him doing the sleeping-bag thing but I couldn't remember for the life of me where it came from. Now I know! I must have an animated icon of that. LOLLERSKATES! <3

Re: SQUEE!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

It's actually an homage to the only worthwhile moment of FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 7: JASON VERSUS CARRIE (essentially):



I gotta say, I think I actually find the more comedic holodeck version to be more cold and brutal.

[wolfcatt.livejournal.com]

Wait. Just one whack? That's not NEARLY as funny! I agree: holodeck ftw.

[swimpenguin.livejournal.com]

I always wanted to know what the frak David Cronenberg was doing acting in this. And the computer guy is geeky adorable. in my opinion.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I think the director of JASON X was a friend of his, or at least a colleague who did, like, assistant directing work for Cronenberg or something. It was some kind of professional relationship. The fact that he's there and gets killed by Jason is kinda delightful, really.

[gore-whore-5.livejournal.com]

I WANT TO SEE THAT JASON VS. ALIENS MOVIE. MAKE IT. MAKE IT NOW.

Also, that vido is made of both win and awesome.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

It's his little umbrella/machete shake that makes it, I think. And his little sigh.

[swimpenguin.livejournal.com]

I'm surprised that video is still up-I've tried to search for numerous Robot Chicken videos and they're either not up at all, or have been pulled.
That said, I love that one-shaking off the blood and putting his machete in the umbrella stand!
I don't plan to see the movie though-I saw the same people remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and I want those 2 hours of my soul back.
(The original TCM [I wonder if TCM has ever aired on the channel TCM?] is probably the only movie I've not finished because I literally couldn't-disturbed/revolted me too much on a mental and visual level. I understand it's cult classic-ness, but GAH! no, I can not watch that movie.)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Bear in mind, I absolutely loathed the TCM remake. I consider the original a work of art (it's virtually gore-less, and not a slasher film at all, but a psychological ordeal), but their remake was crass, ugly, nasty, artless, ugly, disgusting, cheap, and lousy. Only last week did I realize... they turned THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE into a FRIDAY THE 13TH movie.

So really, them doing a Jason film is rather perfect. No, it's not a good movie, but neither were any of the Jason films! They've made a rather near-perfect throwback slasher film, so I can't fault them for it, even though I'll never forgive them for the disgusting piece of shit that their TCM remake was.

Definitely see the original at some point, if you get the chance. Actually, I think it's all on YouTube. I recommend watching it either there or on VHS, but not on DVD. The grainier it is, the better! It's disturbing and offensive, yes, but in a *good* way! Unlike the remake. A fine line, that.

[swimpenguin.livejournal.com]

Heh I wasn't quite clear-I've seen most of the movie-from the beginning on some indie movie channel, and about the point where he puts her up on the hook, I switched to something else and periodically switched back to the movie every few minutes, until I watched it fully again around where she starts running through the cornfield, to the very end. I was too disturbed by it to watch it fully...I knew it was a fictional movie, but I felt like, the grainy, bare bones way it was filmed, that I was watching some documentary/long lost piece of snuff film (which of course is the interpretation they were going for originally) and it just disturbed me too much, like I was actually watching these people get hunted down and tortured in real time. So in that case, kudos to the film makers for instilling their intentions in my viewing experience. But I'll still quiver in a corner and switch to Justice League cartoons and never watch it again.

[darkestnova.livejournal.com]

Ooh. Happy place is happy.