Bees. My god.

[thehefner]

New report on Julie Taymor and Bono's SPIDER-MAN musical, and fuck you New York Post, I'm still calling it a goddamn musical and you'll like it.

Never mind the news that Spidey has a new villain named "Swiss Miss." The real news is that the show will also feature Spidey clashing with the Green Goblin, Carnage, Electro, Rhino, Swarm and the Lizard. Okay, now while I am bummed we don't get Otto Octavius musical action (c'mon, you can SO see Taymor pulling off a stage version of Doc Ock!), the real news here is clearly the fact that Swarm is included. For those who don't know, this is Swarm:



Swarm is a Nazi. A Nazi made of bees.

And soon, he shall be a singing Nazi made out of bees.

Why the hell didn't Taymor and Bono just look at each other mid-production and go, "Fuck it, scrap the whole thing and rewrite it all around Swarm, he's clearly the star here."

If they did that, and replaced Bono with Jim Steinman, we'd obviously have the greatest Broadway show ever. Sondheim's eyes would bleed from its awesomeness.

Comments

[nectarousness.livejournal.com]

Weren't the folks from Across the Universe originally cast as Peter and Mary Jane? Or was that just for testing out stuff.

Oh well, I'm pretty darn curious about this. Not only because I've been aching for some good Spider-Man material lately, but also because I haven't seen any good musicals in a while either.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Were they? I hadn't heard anything either way.

I dunno, after the Burton/Steinman BATMAN musical that almost happened (have you heard these tracks? http://www.freewebs.com/batman_themusical/demos.htm), I guess I'm still deeply apprehensive when it comes to superheroes on Broadway. Also, Bono, ehhhhhh. But it IS Taymor, so that right there piques my interest.

But that's true, I can't think of the last time I've seen a good modern musical. But then, I don't follow the new ones that hit on and off Broadway.

[nectarousness.livejournal.com]

Neither do I when it comes to musicals. I'm stuck loving corny classics like West Side Story and Singin' in the Rain.

My friends tried to make me watch REPO! The Genetic Opera and it was probably the worst thing I have ever seen in a long time. I had to stop watching about halfway through.

And Jesus-o-almighty... what in the hell? A Batman musical? Christ, I know he's already wearing tights and all, but that doesn't mean it'll make an instant on stage hit.

Also, for the record, I hate Bono with a flaming passion. I only like Taymor and Goldenthal. Mmm, Titus.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Word! Throw some Sondheim, Kander & Ebb (done by Fosse), Lerner & Loewe, Richard O'Brien, and Trey Parker & Mark Shaiman in there for good measure, and we're golden!

Ha! I haven't seen REPO! yet, but based on the trailers, it totally looked the way you described. That said, two persuasive ladyfriends of mine insist it's awesome and that I must see it, which I will eventually do to make a fair comparison. Who knows, maybe I'll end up liking it and not thinking it looks like a Hot Topic threw up.

A Batman musical... with Meat Loaf's own Jim Steinman doing the songs! Don't get me wrong, I love this on pure glorious camp value...



But not in my Batman, for the love of god no.

TITUS lover unite! Huzzah!

[american-arcane.livejournal.com]

Repo is much more "actual opera" than "American Musical". Definitely not for everyone, but I liked it a lot... a bit more than I expected to, after all the subculture-centric hype.

Definitely check it out eventually.

But... Swarm? Seriously? wow. Interesting choice... I'm curious as to how he would look on stage.

[benchilada.livejournal.com]

Swarm: The Musical sounds like a shitty b-movie with songs, though. How about just A Nazi Made of Bees: The Musical?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

...

And this is why you're the Internet Monkey King. That said, don't you dare piss on my dream of MANSQUITO: THE OPERA. Don't you dare.

(Also, huzzah, welcome aboard the good blimp Hefner!)

[nectarousness.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD, MAN-FUCKING-SQUITO. YOU KNOW OF THAT MOVIE TOO? I THINK I NOW LOVE YOU.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Do I still earn that cred even if I haven't seen it? Because I just can't bring myself to do that. Not even for Parker Lewis.

[nectarousness.livejournal.com]

It's okay. At least you know of its existence. I caught it on Sci-Fi one unfortunate morning.

Then again, I live for Sci-Fi's terrible "500-dollar-budget-make-in-a-week" movies. They never fail to remind me that if you have a camera and a bunch of lame actors and actresses, it is still entirely possible to make a movie. Kind of inspirational, now that I think about it.

[benchilada.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine made a movie called THORAXX and a musical sequel, THORAXX 2: THE BREEDING.

Both feature the person/insect hybrid Humant.

They're brilliant.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

So that's what that disturbance in the Force was. Huh.

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

-Swarm. Wow. The guy's a CHAMPIONS villain. That's street cred; a team only has seventeen issues, has actual X-Men in it, and you cop a lead villain spot? This Broadway stardom is only parity.
-Hate Carnage. Hate Venom. GUTHRIE SMASH STUPID ALIEN PANTS.
-I saw STREETS OF FIRE when it was new. Thought it was genius. Always wanted to fight sledgehammer duel. Was not big enough at 12. Big enough now. SLEDGEHAMMAS.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

One of the rare pluses in the Bendis era of Marvel: Carnage is dead and no one gives a shit.

Sir, if I ever see you wielding a sledgehammer and dressed like Willem Dafoe, I... I just... that'll be it, man. Game over, man. Game over.

[suburbfabulous.livejournal.com]

I used to have one. It was Jacob's first toy, actually.

[torberg.livejournal.com]

Dude, there's even a musical of the Toxic Avenger

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

And EVIL DEAD! Why the hell haven't I seen either one yet? Sadness.

[american-arcane.livejournal.com]

I have it on good authority that the Evil Dead musical totally rocks.

Especially if you're in the spatter-prone section near the front. :)

[jcsbimp.livejournal.com]

I do kind of agree with Taymor that it's not as much of a musical if Spidey himself isn't actually doing any singing.

Then again, if Peter Parker sings . . . ???

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hey, Jerry Springer didn't sing in JERRY SPRINGER: THE OPERA, and it still counted!

[swimpenguin.livejournal.com]

If they had just made the Swarm composed of different kinds of insects, he could have been truly badass.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Dude.

Bees.

...

BEES, DUDE.

What more do you need? What other kind of insects could possibly top that?! BEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!! NAZI BEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!

[swimpenguin.livejournal.com]

Bees...and fire ants, hornets, wasps, African assassin bug, spined assassin, black corsair, masked hunter, and maybe for some irony, scorpions, and black widow spiders. Let's give the Swarm a 1990's awfully grim and gritty makeover! ;)

And yes, I was lazy and just googled 'deadly insect'

http://images.google.com/images?client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=s&hl=en&q=deadly+insects&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=5ELOScrDBdrrlQemhrTjCQ&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&resnum=1&ct=title

http://webecoist.com/2008/09/21/killer-insects-6-natural-born-anthropod-assassins/

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

But see, all these are like fast zombies. Sure, it's more scary. But it's just... it's just not as iconic!

I mean, really, what immediately evokes a feeling of awesomeness:

A.) Nazi made of many different kinds of deadly insects.

B.) Nazi made of BEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!

I'm sorry, I just... *choke* I just can't accept it, man! I can't! You're Joe Quesada in disguise, aren't you?! AREN'T YOU?!?!

[swimpenguin.livejournal.com]

Ok, I admit, BEEESSSS!! has a definite charm. And unfortunately I don't know enough about the behind the scenes shenanigans of comic book politics to respond to being accused of being Joe Quesada in disguise, but I'll assume its an unwanted thing to be, and say NO.

[bitemetechie.livejournal.com]

I thought this thing died a swift death shortly after I heard about it in early '08.

Blah.

However, Nazi made of bees! A Nazi who's the bee's knees because his knees are made of bees!

...shut up, I'm sleep deprived and haven't had any coffee.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

You do realize you've written his opening number, right?

It'll lead right into his romantic duet with Mary Jane, "When I Call You My 'Honey' (I'm Really Calling You 'Bee Barf')".

[bitemetechie.livejournal.com]

Damn it, John! Don't make me burst into hysterical laughter in the middle of a library!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Why do I get the feeling that, by the end of Orlando, I'll occasionally find myself cursing, "Damn it, me!"

[bitemetechie.livejournal.com]

Because you probably will be...which will add a whole new awesome--and slightly disturbing--dimension to the Harvey Dent obsession you've got going.

Oh! -flail- You. Resend the novel my way, wouldja? When Captain's computer went kerflooey, I thought I backed it up, but I've combed all the jumpdrives in the house and it's not there. Apparently, I'm made of Faily McFailerson.

I...had other things to say, but clock's a'tickin'. Gotta be out of here in a few minutes, yes.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

The novel, she is resent! As I say there, you'll notice some major changes, particularly after the acid hits. I've majorly changed up the big speech he gives at the end of the chapter, and tuned up the Two-Face part in big ways (most noticeably, I've gotten rid of Grissom entirely).

BEES!

[mellifluous-ink.livejournal.com]

BEES!

Poliobees? Migrainybees? NO. NAZIBEES.

The costume designer in me is wondering how they would do the costume, and trying to figure out how to do the bees with sound and lighting.