Real danger here! Stand and deliver! Moment of truth! End of the line! 8th level Mario Bros!

[thehefner]

The AV Club asks their staff, "What movies/TV episodes scared the holy living crap out of you as a child?"

For me, the BLOB remake still causes me to be very, very wary of sink and shower drains (IT had/has the same effect on one of the AV viewers, and that was a much cheesier movie with crappier special effects), and it's awesome to hear about all the people still freaked out by RETURN TO OZ. But the most gratifying part of this article is that it starts with one person confessing to what freaked her out as a child:

ERNEST SCARED STUPID.

Yes, as Jim Varney's Ernest. His Halloween movie from 1991.

Thank god, I thought I was the only one terrified of that fucking movie as a kid. Specifically, this scene at the 8:00 mark.

Okay, so it doesn't really hold up today unlike THE BLOB, which I watch today with a mixture of adult Heffie loving the awesome 80's horror film and li'l Heffie cringing in horror of the thought of being suffocated AND FUCKING DISSOLVED AND EATEN ALIVE but when you're eight years old, holy god, WTF. And look, look! I'm not the only one! In the article's comments, one person pinpoints the exact scene I was thinking of:

"I still refuse to watch that goddamn movie. The scene where the girl is convinced the troll is under her bed, and she finally works up the courage to look under her bed, and the troll isn't there, and she rolls over AND THE GODDAMN TROLL IS RIGHT NEXT TO HER scared me into never ever turning around in bed for about five years after watching the movie. And the idea of being trapped in a statue, paralyzed without thought, for centuries and centuries, utterly terrified me. Still does."

YES. OH YES THANK GOD, SWEET VINDICATION SEVENTEEN YEARS LATER. AHAHAHAHA.




In other news of personal gratification, it's so wonderful to know that a Rhodes* scholar can still have a twelve-year-old boy's sense of humor.

I must have Rachel Maddow's babies.

Damn it, if anyone could find a way, it'd be ME!




*Damn it, I need to do a better version of this icon someday.

Comments

[interdisciple.livejournal.com]

you should show up to her studio wearing a classy bowler and hef tee reading TEABAGGING 24/7

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I'd abandon all my solo shows for a paid position as Rachel Maddow's one-man studio audience. Just sayin'.

[torberg.livejournal.com]

"What movies/TV episodes scared the holy living crap out of you as a child?"

Ghostbusters
Damn terror dogs chasing Louis through Central Park spooked me the hell out and I had to leave the theater. I feel a bit silly looking back at that now.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

That scared me too, but not as much as the hands ripping out of Dana's chair, grabbing her, and pulling her screaming into the white light. At least Louis' scene was scary, then ended with a laugh as everyone went right back to dinner. Dana's was played straight. *shudder*

Funny you mention GHOSTBUSTERS, as someone else in the comments mentioned the cartoon, specifically the episode "Ragnarok and Roll," written by J. Michael Straczynski. I'm rewatching it right now for the first time in years:



At first I'm like, "Why does is he speaking with an Elvis accent?" And now, I'm wondering if he's meant to be late-80's Elvis-obsessed Nicolas Cage, circa WILD AT HEART. Physically, it seems to fit!

[gore-whore-5.livejournal.com]

For me, The Brave Little Toaster was the scariest shit in town. After watching that, I was afraid of ovens for years. I also had an aversion to air conditioners, vacuums, clowns, and those things that squish cars into small boxes or whatever. They were on a conveyor belt singing a depressing song about not being wanted anymore and then they got squashed because they were scrap parts. It was horrible! And I felt so guilty whenever I didn't want my baby blanket around anymore since the one in the movie was so codependent and wanted his owner to love him so badly.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Then maybe you'd better not watch this, which was brought to my attention just today:



Why does Bugs Bunny want me to live in utter mortal terror of my kitchen coming alive and eating me? I bet the mother in REQUIEM FOR A DREAM watched this ad before she had her nightmare.

[torberg.livejournal.com]

I remember that I saw this as a kid! Outstanding! It didn't freak me out, but I do remember seeing it.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

No, that one didn't freak me out either.

THIS one, on the other hand, definitely got under my skin...



Saturday morning kid's shows should not be this good. Or rather, why they hell AREN'T they all this good?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oops, I thought you were replying to the Ghostbusters thing above! NM! Well, it's still a good episode!

[gnort.livejournal.com]

How Ana managed to make it through that whole segment while still keeping a straight face is beyond me. I really hope that somebody at one of those rallies, and I don't care which one, is savvy enough to just stop and say "Really? Are you serious?". They couldn't come up with a better name for this? I get that they're trying to hearken back to the Boston Tea Party and it's symbolic or whatever but....really?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Yeah, this is a pretty major case of "not thinking this brilliant plan through."

[droidboy010101.livejournal.com]

FUCKFUCKFUCK... Just saw your post on the same Maddow greatness after posting mine... I love you man!

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

BEAT CHA 2 IT, BEYOTCH!

Great minds and all that. ;p

She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine.

[tragical-mirth.livejournal.com]

I've watched all manner of horror movies from the time before I could talk to today. Not a lot actually gets to me. But you know what scared the shit out of me as a kid? Gave me nightmares? The Fraggle Rock episode titled "The Terrible Tunnel."

It used to be on YouTube, but I can't find an active video now. Anyway, I watched it recently to see if it was as fucked up as I remember, and it absolutely was. I think it may bother me now even more than it did back then. I mean, crap, I still remember details of nightmares I had about it when I was seven years old.

My favorite horror movie for very sentimental reasons is "An American Werewolf in London." I'm thinking I saw this one for the first time pre-Kindergarten. I still tear up at the scene where he's in the phone booth calling his little sister at home.

Ah Childhood.

[the-mithril-man.livejournal.com]

Violence gore and horror never scared me as a kid, my own family is worse than the folks from TCM. You know, minus the whole eating people thing. As a kid I got freaked out by this weird clamation thing staring Mark Twain, yeah you heard me. Never found a copy of it, but thanks to the magic of you tube here's a link to one of the creepier parts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMX2eyvMj78

Not my journal didn't want to embed anything, seemed rude.

Re: Ah Childhood.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

...

...

...

Welp! That'll replace the whale in me nightmares!

[darkestnova.livejournal.com]

*cackle*

Oh, I can't wait until Techie sees this post. She won't watch Ernest Scared Stupid with me because of that scene. She claims it's merely because it's a bad movie, but she lies.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

What, you guys remember that scene too?? haha!

[darkestnova.livejournal.com]

*pet pet*

I just watched the movie. But I'm not afraid of it the way she is. But she's asleep.

*pet pet pet pet pet pet*

No more sake for me.

[darkestnova.livejournal.com]

I love you, silly silly man.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

And you, you ol' adorable drunkie you. Oh, we will have some FUN at the beer tent in Orlando.

[darkestnova.livejournal.com]

*blush*

Gah, every time I imbibe, I feel the need to let everybody know about it.

Oh, well! Beer!

[bitemetechie.livejournal.com]

...I can't leave you alone for a minute, can I?

[bitemetechie.livejournal.com]

And I am not afraid of it. It's the ONLY movie that ever gave me nightmares as a child. I am entitled to be...hesitant.

..............shut up. You didn't even wake me up to try and get me to watch it with you...so nyah. And...stuff. I'm going to go watch it now. That'll show you! Especially since you're sitting right next to me and will have to live through it again. This is for Glen or Glenda!

[darkestnova.livejournal.com]

Pfft. Glen or Glenda was your idea. Sure, I'm the one who made it available to you, but you volunteered.

(I love having random conversations specifically for The John's benefit. Can we go home now?)

[bitemetechie.livejournal.com]

YOU SHOULD HAVE STOPPED ME! I didn't know any better!

(And yes.)