Orlando Fringe Postmortem
May. 30th, 2009 11:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thehefnerOne of the things that I worry about and obsess over is my desire to reach people as an artist. Not just to entertain, not just to make 'em laugh, but to actually get inside their heads and hearts for at least a moment, preferably staying with them for an hour or twenty afterward, if not longer.
Another Fringe performer by the name of Laura Harris* put it very well: "When I leave a show, I want to feel transformed." And when you're at Fringe, seeing show after show after show, the desire to create something that affects people to the point of transformation becomes all the more insistent.
Unfortunately for me, I've known for years that I'm a niche performer. I'm not destined for mainstream success, but I have a good chance to become a cult favorite, with a fan following that scares the crap out of me. To top it off, the HEFNER MONOLOGUES shows are very personal, with me tearing out my own heart on stage to the mercy and approval of the audience.
All this is made especially problematic considering that HOW HEFNERIAN in particular is a decidedly inclusive show, littered with obscure geek references (what other solo shows feature shout-outs to THE NINTH CONFIGURATION?). It's one thing to think about this, to intellectually know and prepare for this beforehand. But it's something else entirely to perform to live audience members over an hour and watch them not really caring about you in real time.
After the first performance of HOW HEFNERIAN in Orlando, I was in a funk. I know first performances are always rough, and I'm always in a funk after them, and that twelve people in the first night is par for the course (even considering the fact that we gave away 800 frickin' postcards in the first couple days alone!), but even still, I had one of my big Fringe friends in the audience, and I wanted to make a big impact, and they were quiet and polite and... yeah, it was a good show, but not what it should/could have been.
But what was especially worrying me was that I was having the show filmed the very next day. I'd wanted to have them record a later performance, so I could be suitably warmed up into it, but I signed up rather last minute so the only one they could fit into their packed schedule was the second performance.
Now, this isn't the first time I've had my show filmed. In my original HEFNER MONOLOGUES run, my mother made her best attempt to film it, but she kept forgetting to follow me with the camera, and every time I made a joke, her own motherly cackles would drown out the actual audience laughter. And besides, that was the show in its roughest, earliest incarnation. So no, that's unusable for promo video.
And then there was the performance filmed for me in Boulder Fringe, before an audience of about five people, including my mother again. And while she really tried her best to muffle herself, there's not much one can do to hide cackles against four other people. And again, the show's improved since then. So that's too is unusuable for anything more than giving me something to watch--in private--so I can take notes with a bottle of wine in me. Not for public consumption, dig.
But not only was I afraid of history repeating itself with this filming, but to top it off, the filming was going to be done by Dewey Chaffee, one of the rock stars of Orlando Fringe. I remembered Dewey from last year... or more specifically, I remembered his signature creation, Wayburn Sassy, the beloved and cantankerous host of the SCREW-YOU REVUE.**
At least, that's what I knew of him, as I regrettably hadn't seen his show last year. To me--a then-first-time performer at Orlando, an outsider with a shaky first show and his supportive mother in tow--Wayburn was one of the giants of a festival that favors the local favorites. That was the big impression I got from Orlando last year: the local favorites are the ones who really pack the houses. Those, and the returning out-of-towners who've established themselves in previous festivals.
As such, I was feeling pretty confident when I arrived in Orlando this year. Not only had I established myself with my show last year, but then I learned that most of the big names (local and non) would be sitting it out this time! While that would mean missing out on the latest work of luminaries such as Gemma Wilcox and T.J. Dawe, I figured, hey, maybe that'll mean I'll stand out more! Too bad I didn't count on the fact that constant rain and thunder would kick Orlando's ass for the next week, resulting in smaller-than-usual weeknight houses for most artists. I know I wasn't the only one performing to houses of three or four at one point.
So after that first night, I was doing my usual thing and taking it all really hard. In fact, I was still feeling down and dour the next day, when we had the durian smoothie. That right there was the first step to cheering me up, in a weird way. Well, that, and the performance itself.
It wasn't the largest house I would get, but it was definitely the best: the energy and enthusiasm from that crowd was astounding, and somewhere between what they gave me, my own warmed-up energy from the previous night, and maybe even the durian smoothie, it was a damn near well perfect performance. The best of the seven I did. And to top it off, Dewey was there, getting it all on film.
For the first time, I'm actually excited to see a recording of myself. I still haven't yet. It should be arriving any day now via mail, and from there, I'll see what I can do about posting it online. Putting clips on YouTube and hosting the whole video somewhere else. That alone kept my confidence going through the rest of the performances that week. Even when I had four people in the audience, all of them silent throughout the show save for a chuckle or two, I felt good enough about myself to perform in spite of them! And by the time we got to the last two performances, with one sold-out and the other packed, I already felt like Orlando 2009 was a success!
But because I'm me--little Mr. Insecure John Hefner--something else was still lacking. I couldn't shake the feelings of inadequacy, of just having a good show amid some excellent and downright-brilliant ones. Shows like THE CODY RIVERS SHOW, 7(x1) SAMURAI, and Martin Dockery's WANDERLUST... they truly leave the audience transformed. And they're able to do it while still filling houses, their work resonating with large numbers of people.
And while I could already feel like I could leave Orlando this year with my head held high, a wee bit more money in my pocket than before, and my name a bit better known for future festivals... that nagging aspiration still ate away at me.
That is, until I met up with Dewey to talk about my recording, and he told me how much my show meant to him, how it affected and inspired him. I've had Fringe artists tell me they enjoy my work (some more sincerely than others), but never before had I been told that my work was actually "inspirational." There are no words for how much this means to me. No words.
He reminded me what I keep forgetting, how not everyone's gonna "get" it, but those who do will never forget my performance. And lest I ever do, he sent me this video, a clip from an upcoming Fringe documentary:
Once my head stops swimming, and the abuzzed feeling departs, I'm gonna have to write to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cavenessity and finally get my website updated! Oh god, Wayburn Sassy LIKES me? I'm scared, hold me!
Times like this, I feel especially privileged to be able to do all this. Pursing my art, connecting with other artists, making new friends, and leaving some impact on others, even if it's just a couple at a time. My thanks to Dewey and to you all for putting up with my roller-coaster neurosis and grounding me when I need it.
So yeah. Bring on June 11th for Montreal Fringe and onward.
*Her wonderful solo show, PITCH BLOND, now seriously makes me want to watch BORN YESTERDAY and any other Judy Holiday movies I can find. Holy crap, Judy's awesome (from what I know of her from Laura's show), and to top it off, she's Harley Quinn! No, seriously! Is there any confirmation out there that Arleen Sorkin based the Harley voice on Judy? Because that HAS to be Harley's voice!
**Passing me by in Fringe lobby last year, Wayburn glanced at me in my cocked bowler derby and grumbled, "I loved you in the Culture Club." Hey, that's a new one! Usually I just get CLOCKWORK ORANGE digs! I've got a lot of work ahead of me, taking back the bowler derby from that movie!
Another Fringe performer by the name of Laura Harris* put it very well: "When I leave a show, I want to feel transformed." And when you're at Fringe, seeing show after show after show, the desire to create something that affects people to the point of transformation becomes all the more insistent.
Unfortunately for me, I've known for years that I'm a niche performer. I'm not destined for mainstream success, but I have a good chance to become a cult favorite, with a fan following that scares the crap out of me. To top it off, the HEFNER MONOLOGUES shows are very personal, with me tearing out my own heart on stage to the mercy and approval of the audience.
All this is made especially problematic considering that HOW HEFNERIAN in particular is a decidedly inclusive show, littered with obscure geek references (what other solo shows feature shout-outs to THE NINTH CONFIGURATION?). It's one thing to think about this, to intellectually know and prepare for this beforehand. But it's something else entirely to perform to live audience members over an hour and watch them not really caring about you in real time.
After the first performance of HOW HEFNERIAN in Orlando, I was in a funk. I know first performances are always rough, and I'm always in a funk after them, and that twelve people in the first night is par for the course (even considering the fact that we gave away 800 frickin' postcards in the first couple days alone!), but even still, I had one of my big Fringe friends in the audience, and I wanted to make a big impact, and they were quiet and polite and... yeah, it was a good show, but not what it should/could have been.
But what was especially worrying me was that I was having the show filmed the very next day. I'd wanted to have them record a later performance, so I could be suitably warmed up into it, but I signed up rather last minute so the only one they could fit into their packed schedule was the second performance.
Now, this isn't the first time I've had my show filmed. In my original HEFNER MONOLOGUES run, my mother made her best attempt to film it, but she kept forgetting to follow me with the camera, and every time I made a joke, her own motherly cackles would drown out the actual audience laughter. And besides, that was the show in its roughest, earliest incarnation. So no, that's unusable for promo video.
And then there was the performance filmed for me in Boulder Fringe, before an audience of about five people, including my mother again. And while she really tried her best to muffle herself, there's not much one can do to hide cackles against four other people. And again, the show's improved since then. So that's too is unusuable for anything more than giving me something to watch--in private--so I can take notes with a bottle of wine in me. Not for public consumption, dig.
But not only was I afraid of history repeating itself with this filming, but to top it off, the filming was going to be done by Dewey Chaffee, one of the rock stars of Orlando Fringe. I remembered Dewey from last year... or more specifically, I remembered his signature creation, Wayburn Sassy, the beloved and cantankerous host of the SCREW-YOU REVUE.**
At least, that's what I knew of him, as I regrettably hadn't seen his show last year. To me--a then-first-time performer at Orlando, an outsider with a shaky first show and his supportive mother in tow--Wayburn was one of the giants of a festival that favors the local favorites. That was the big impression I got from Orlando last year: the local favorites are the ones who really pack the houses. Those, and the returning out-of-towners who've established themselves in previous festivals.
As such, I was feeling pretty confident when I arrived in Orlando this year. Not only had I established myself with my show last year, but then I learned that most of the big names (local and non) would be sitting it out this time! While that would mean missing out on the latest work of luminaries such as Gemma Wilcox and T.J. Dawe, I figured, hey, maybe that'll mean I'll stand out more! Too bad I didn't count on the fact that constant rain and thunder would kick Orlando's ass for the next week, resulting in smaller-than-usual weeknight houses for most artists. I know I wasn't the only one performing to houses of three or four at one point.
So after that first night, I was doing my usual thing and taking it all really hard. In fact, I was still feeling down and dour the next day, when we had the durian smoothie. That right there was the first step to cheering me up, in a weird way. Well, that, and the performance itself.
It wasn't the largest house I would get, but it was definitely the best: the energy and enthusiasm from that crowd was astounding, and somewhere between what they gave me, my own warmed-up energy from the previous night, and maybe even the durian smoothie, it was a damn near well perfect performance. The best of the seven I did. And to top it off, Dewey was there, getting it all on film.
For the first time, I'm actually excited to see a recording of myself. I still haven't yet. It should be arriving any day now via mail, and from there, I'll see what I can do about posting it online. Putting clips on YouTube and hosting the whole video somewhere else. That alone kept my confidence going through the rest of the performances that week. Even when I had four people in the audience, all of them silent throughout the show save for a chuckle or two, I felt good enough about myself to perform in spite of them! And by the time we got to the last two performances, with one sold-out and the other packed, I already felt like Orlando 2009 was a success!
But because I'm me--little Mr. Insecure John Hefner--something else was still lacking. I couldn't shake the feelings of inadequacy, of just having a good show amid some excellent and downright-brilliant ones. Shows like THE CODY RIVERS SHOW, 7(x1) SAMURAI, and Martin Dockery's WANDERLUST... they truly leave the audience transformed. And they're able to do it while still filling houses, their work resonating with large numbers of people.
And while I could already feel like I could leave Orlando this year with my head held high, a wee bit more money in my pocket than before, and my name a bit better known for future festivals... that nagging aspiration still ate away at me.
That is, until I met up with Dewey to talk about my recording, and he told me how much my show meant to him, how it affected and inspired him. I've had Fringe artists tell me they enjoy my work (some more sincerely than others), but never before had I been told that my work was actually "inspirational." There are no words for how much this means to me. No words.
He reminded me what I keep forgetting, how not everyone's gonna "get" it, but those who do will never forget my performance. And lest I ever do, he sent me this video, a clip from an upcoming Fringe documentary:
Once my head stops swimming, and the abuzzed feeling departs, I'm gonna have to write to
cavenessity and finally get my website updated! Oh god, Wayburn Sassy LIKES me? I'm scared, hold me! Times like this, I feel especially privileged to be able to do all this. Pursing my art, connecting with other artists, making new friends, and leaving some impact on others, even if it's just a couple at a time. My thanks to Dewey and to you all for putting up with my roller-coaster neurosis and grounding me when I need it.
So yeah. Bring on June 11th for Montreal Fringe and onward.
*Her wonderful solo show, PITCH BLOND, now seriously makes me want to watch BORN YESTERDAY and any other Judy Holiday movies I can find. Holy crap, Judy's awesome (from what I know of her from Laura's show), and to top it off, she's Harley Quinn! No, seriously! Is there any confirmation out there that Arleen Sorkin based the Harley voice on Judy? Because that HAS to be Harley's voice!
**Passing me by in Fringe lobby last year, Wayburn glanced at me in my cocked bowler derby and grumbled, "I loved you in the Culture Club." Hey, that's a new one! Usually I just get CLOCKWORK ORANGE digs! I've got a lot of work ahead of me, taking back the bowler derby from that movie!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-05-31 05:25 am (UTC)Think that about sums it up.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-31 05:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-31 07:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-31 07:58 pm (UTC)Ha, I blame myself for thinking, "Man, I just hope it won't be too hot in Orlando this time!" Well, at least it cooled down, right? Right? Oy. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-31 09:13 pm (UTC)Waterloo, also, is small, but an AMAZING place for performing arts of all kinds - just sayin'.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-31 09:21 pm (UTC)From what I can tell, there's no Waterloo Fringe Festival, which is the easiest way I know to get me into a town. That said, if there are avenues for me to perform in there that you know about, it could be worth my looking into...
no subject
Date: 2009-05-31 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-01 07:21 am (UTC)