thehefner: (Scott and Barda are US SO SCHMOOPY)
[personal profile] thehefner
I woke up much earlier than usual. Which isn't saying much, considering that our sleep schedules are so screwy these days that we often miss daylight entirely. And yet, I still hadn't expected waking up at around 8am, like normal people do. More than that, I hadn't expected to wake up alone.

Clearly, something was afoot. And that something... was pie.





She woke up at 5am, went to the store, and proceeded to spend five hours making an apple pie from scratch. And she'd never made apple pie before. The bar she was shooting for was sizzling orgasm pie like the kind found at this one particular diner in Claremore, OK, and I dare say she made it.

It helps that she literally used a pound of butter. A pound. Of butter. In PIE. And it was AMAZING.

I don't care if I have a coronary before my kid turns two, BEST HENCHGIRL EVER.

I decided to return the favor by making Thai green curry chicken for dinner. But the less said about that, the better.

Date: 2011-02-16 06:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] box-in-the-box.livejournal.com
See, if it was me, I would have gotten naked, mounted a candle in my belly button, lit it, spread my legs on the dinner table in front of her chair, and told her that this counted as "a candlelight dinner for two."

This would probably be why you have a henchgirl, and I do not.

Date: 2011-02-16 06:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thehefner.livejournal.com
ME: "... Did you read Box's reply?"

HENCHGIRL: "No. Box replied to the pie entry?"

ME: "Yes."

HENCHGIRL: "How much innuendo is there?"

ME: "NONE. IT'S BOX. NOTHING'S EVER JUST IMPLIED WITH BOX."

Date: 2011-02-16 06:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] box-in-the-box.livejournal.com
AND BY "DINNER," I MEAN "MY PENIS"

Date: 2011-02-16 06:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] box-in-the-box.livejournal.com
THE JOKE IS THAT SHE WOULD BE PLACING HER MOUTH ON MY PENIS. BECAUSE MY HUMOR IS OFTEN TOO SUBTLE.

Date: 2011-02-16 07:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaseen101.livejournal.com
See I would have covered my gf (if I had one) in syrup or something equally delicious and sugary and proceed to lick it off of her. Or perhaps even role reversed which sounds way more fun for a lazy bum like me.

Date: 2011-02-16 07:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] box-in-the-box.livejournal.com
Not nearly as romantic as it sounds. Get a girl who's lactose intolerant, and whipped cream will make her break out in hives. And unless you both go full Brazilian, look forward to the fun of an unpleasantly sticky crotch for a few days, even after repeated scrubbing, unless you shave it all off afterwards. And never, ever, EVER use honey. It sounds real sweet, until you realize that it's even worse for leaving tacky adhesiveness behind than the remnants of Scotch tape.

Date: 2011-02-16 07:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaseen101.livejournal.com
Why does everything tasty have to carry some sort of nasty side effects when applied to other activities?

Oh well, I suppose there will always be other kinky stuff.

Date: 2011-02-16 07:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] box-in-the-box.livejournal.com
Strawberries dipped in a girl's natural juices are quite tasty.

Date: 2011-02-16 09:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] box-in-the-box.livejournal.com
OH, THIS IS THE COMMENT THAT EARNS AN "EW"? AFTER I OPENED WITH THE VISUAL OF ME NAKED AND SPREAD-EAGLED FOR A BLOW-JOB? AND AFTER THE FULL DISSERTATION ON VARIOUS EDIBLE SUBSTANCES STICKING TO ONE'S SKIN? NO, MY FRIEND, I THINK IN THIS CASE, IT IS YOU WHO IS THE PERVERT ... well, okay, maybe not, BUT STILL!

Date: 2011-02-16 09:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thehefner.livejournal.com
...

Damn it, and just as I was about to chastise you and tell you to tone it back for the more delicate sensibilities of my readers (and also myself, on a couple occasions), you make me laugh my ass off. Damn it damn it damn it.

Sigh. Just... less with the juices and the penis and stuff. Not much! Don't wanna cramp your style.

BTW, we totally didn't think of you and go "AHAHA BOX!" when we saw this (context: Peter got amnesia, was an ass to Lois, and they got divorced):






EDIT: WHAT THE HELL YOUTUBE WHY DON'T YOU LIKE EMBEDDING ANYMORE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rL6s_-Z_uR8
Edited Date: 2011-02-16 09:56 am (UTC)

Date: 2011-02-16 09:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] box-in-the-box.livejournal.com
You have to click the check-box for the original-style embed code.

Dumbass. :)

Date: 2011-02-16 10:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] box-in-the-box.livejournal.com
And were you imagining yourselves as Peter and Lois in that context? ;)

Here, have more Quagmire:

Date: 2011-02-16 04:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaseen101.livejournal.com
Yum.

(and I actually mean this)

Date: 2011-02-24 04:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] superfan1.livejournal.com
Mmmm. Good looking and yummy pie! :D

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