The Songs of Johnny Go

In the latest installment of our ongoing series, What The Hell's Wrong With Heffie's Tummy?, I spent this morning eating radioactive scrambled eggs, followed by lying still for 90 minutes while I watched the lump slowly digest via a monitor, as if I were watching my radioactive egg baby on ultrasound.



Actually, thanks to the about-fucking-time awesomeness of Netflix Instant on my iPhone, I mainly passed the time watching Kurosawa's Kagemusha, which made me want to reach into my computer and smack the crap out of anybody who thinks Kurosawa's color films are worthless.

I watched the rest of the film at home, loaded up with sushi and four different kinds of tea: black w/ yerba mate, green tea komboucha, Irish breakfast iced tea, and a double-dose of oh-fuck-yes-they-make-this-now kava. After the film, I felt moved but conflicted, not certain if that level of tragedy was warranted.

Afterward, then went to the gym for the first time in weeks, to try and look less cuddly. I know I'm doomed to "Shackroyd out," as Henchgirl puts it, but not bloody yet. Stupid tummy where all my delicious food and beer goes.



At the gym, I made the damn fool mistake of listening to a This American Life podcast about superpowers and superheroes in general. Ugh, one thing I've always loathed was hearing non-geek-people talk about geek things, because they're always mixed with a combination of befuddlement, condescension, and the recurring implication that people need to get a life and stop living in fantasy land.

These people are also, not coincidentally, cynics. Ira Glass, whom I usually enjoy, revealed a lot about how he sees the world when he talked about NPR's reoccurring series, "This I Believe," essentially saying that he found ideals to be uninteresting, and cared far more about the loss of belief. This kicked off that week's show, entitled, "This I Used to Believe."

Cynicism is at the core of people like this, and it's permeated into the novels, films, plays, and indie comics celebrated by the literary elite. I have little use for such stories, nor the minds that bring them to life.

I can and do love the comics of Chris Ware (who was introduced to talk about his childhood love of superheroes and power fantasies, and until he "realized" just how "silly" and "ridiculous" superheroes are, and focused instead on doing on more "mature, realistic" works), but I just wish I could sit these people down and tell them that Superman is more than muscles and a cape, that ideals are not some fantasy that people need to grow out of.

But I've fallen into that trap too many times, with too many people. When Ira Glass talks about superheroes, he sounds like my mother, brother, sister-in-law, and high school teachers who didn't get it, and didn't really care either way. Is it any wonder I have less and less interest to meet and interact with non-geek people? I just count my lucky stars that I've met a girl whose outlook is rooted in classic Star Trek and the Adam West Batman show.



I must now prepare to get an early night's sleep, as I have to wake up bright and early to get knocked out and have a tube shoved into my mouth, for my health. On next week's installment, we'll explore ways to try to make a comedy routine about HMOs sound fresh and new, followed by finding out whether or not I've been granted egg-based superpowers.

I really, really should know better by now than to respond to some article or something by commenting in the message boards. Especially when the site in question is CHUD.com, of all places.

Fucking head reviewer called Harvey Dent "a bland character" and Two-Face "a generic villain" (The character, not Eckhart's portrayal, which he says elevated it above the source material). Fucker.

And now, of course, I've quickly found myself embroiled in a back and forth between myself and... well, the kinds of people who would regularly post on the CHUD.com message boards. I really should just let it go, not go back there, ignore them and let the matter die.

... GAHHHH!!! HOLD ME BACK, BOYS! *flails violently*



On the plus side, I just got an e-mail from Mike Daisey, whose show MONOPOLY! was a huge inspiration for me, and one of the very best solo shows I have ever seen. He's planning on coming to see THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES: HOW HEFNERIAN, which is fucking awesome, but also more than a little intimidating.

I'd kinda prefer he see the show after I've had, like, a year to develop and hone it rather than its rough premiere run. But then, if he has any insight, that could help give said development a shot in the arm.

This is the good kind of terrified.

As a long-time BABYLON 5 fan, I was excited to finally, finally, check out the brand-new B5 direct-to-DVD movie THE LOST TALES.

...

I wish I could get my martinis to be that dry.

Sigh. I mean, lord knows J. Michael Straczynski has his hits and misses, and B5 was certainly indicative of that. Although after HEROES, I don't know if I could possibly defend B5's acting and writing often times were I to revisit the series today. Nonetheless, it earned a close place in my heart, especially when Sci-Fi was showing it back to back with FARSCAPE, which is still one of my favoritest favorite TV shows ever that I wish more people watched.

But man oh man, space opera on a low budget... geez. I feel like I just dragged my face on the ground for the past hour and a half.

I have hope that the next B5 movie (c'mon, Garibaldi and Mollari!) will be a marked improvement, but for a first effort... yipes. I've seen video game cutscenes with more life.



And to make matters worse, SWEENEY TODD is not doing well at the box office. Sure, I have my problems with the movie, and it's hardly matching my frustration of GRINDHOUSE's bombing. But I'm disappointed nonetheless.

Seriously, I don't get why some people hate musicals. Just blanket-hate all musicals, no matter the type (because all musicals are the same, clearly). I had hoped to maybe get some insight into this mindset by reading the reviews at fandango.com, but that was a little like repeatedly punching myself in the balls.

And I quote: "I love Johnny Depp and Tim Burton movies 1st of all. Great Cinematography, I like the story concept, but its a FREAKING MUSICAL! I mean literally there is about 5 minutes of TOTAL regular dialogue. Im sorry Im not into that Gone With The Wind sing-a-long hokey pokey. Singing is started for the moment the movie is started till the end....LITERALLY!"

Ugh. Message boards are vile hives of scum and villainy. You'd think I'd learn.

I just wanted a bit more appreciation for the form, and for Sondheim in particular. But it seems between the music and the gore (and oh, wow, is there ever gore, more than I was expecting) word of mouth is going to very much work against this film, in some respects.

Again, I have my problems with the film. But come on, that more people are flocking to NATIONAL TREASURE 2 and ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS... you feel my pain on that count at least, right?



Ah well, at least SPIDER-MAN 2 is on TV. As long as I can muscle my way through the Kirsten Dunst scenes, I'll be golden.

After all, at times like this, you gotta do as Johnny Go says, and "Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive."