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thehefnerI don't know if I mentioned this, but my father is currently paying me not to have a job. After robbing him of me this past summer with my Studio Theatre internship, he couldn't stand the thought of losing even more time of me to a college job. So instead he's been giving me a check for about $100-$125 every month. Today, he gave me a check for $200 so I'd have enough to buy presents for my mother and brother.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love free money. But understand, it's not like I have an assigned allowance payday, or a set amount of cash. He gives me this money 1.) when he decides to 2.) as much as he decides to. I don't think I have to say anything else on this if you're even vaguely familiar with the games he plays.
Being with him every day... buying him groceries and cases of tonic water... carrying out his garbage and empty gin bottles to the recycling... just by doing these little things and being at his house to take care of him, reading a little Dave Barry and watching the occasional movie with him... by doing all these things and keeping him happy, I will earn that paycheck. I just spent one day with him today, and I returned worn down, unhappy, and generally unplesant. And these past two days have been the *good* days.
It is, I admit, still nice to be with him on the good days. Dulled, brain-damaged, fried as he is he's still my father and when it's nice and he's as clear-headed as he can get these days, it's very nice. But in the back of my mind all I can think of is "How long will it last? How long until I do something or he thinks I've done something that is going hurt his feelings and threaten to revoke every generosity?" Because everything has strings attached with him, every gift, every kindness, and if I cross him he will pull the string and dangle it in front of my eyes. These checks, therefore, are hardly free money, and there's no telling when the next one will come.
Solution? I need a job after college. Not just for money, but for my own sanity. Even if... sigh... but can I really be comfortable pushing porno tapes again? The comic shop probably won't take me back because they're lying bastards. I wonder if that Creative Writing minor will actually come in handy? Or hell, what if I get a paying acting gig, that'd be sweet.
In summation: Father-manipulative and unstable. Summer job- good. Porno- bad. Money for acting/writing- good. FIRE BAD!
Now, don't get me wrong. I love free money. But understand, it's not like I have an assigned allowance payday, or a set amount of cash. He gives me this money 1.) when he decides to 2.) as much as he decides to. I don't think I have to say anything else on this if you're even vaguely familiar with the games he plays.
Being with him every day... buying him groceries and cases of tonic water... carrying out his garbage and empty gin bottles to the recycling... just by doing these little things and being at his house to take care of him, reading a little Dave Barry and watching the occasional movie with him... by doing all these things and keeping him happy, I will earn that paycheck. I just spent one day with him today, and I returned worn down, unhappy, and generally unplesant. And these past two days have been the *good* days.
It is, I admit, still nice to be with him on the good days. Dulled, brain-damaged, fried as he is he's still my father and when it's nice and he's as clear-headed as he can get these days, it's very nice. But in the back of my mind all I can think of is "How long will it last? How long until I do something or he thinks I've done something that is going hurt his feelings and threaten to revoke every generosity?" Because everything has strings attached with him, every gift, every kindness, and if I cross him he will pull the string and dangle it in front of my eyes. These checks, therefore, are hardly free money, and there's no telling when the next one will come.
Solution? I need a job after college. Not just for money, but for my own sanity. Even if... sigh... but can I really be comfortable pushing porno tapes again? The comic shop probably won't take me back because they're lying bastards. I wonder if that Creative Writing minor will actually come in handy? Or hell, what if I get a paying acting gig, that'd be sweet.
In summation: Father-manipulative and unstable. Summer job- good. Porno- bad. Money for acting/writing- good. FIRE BAD!
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FIRE BAD!
Date: 2004-11-26 10:54 pm (UTC)"YOUR ASS - MEAT"
But seriously. Do something you love. I think you'll find that you have the balls to do it. I know you have the talent. Rock.
Re: FIRE BAD!
Date: 2004-11-27 02:49 pm (UTC)Thanks for the vote of encouragement. I just fear, since both you and I know all too well the streets are littered with the bodies to above-average actors.