fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
Feb. 2nd, 2005 11:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thehefnerA friend... a little higher than acquaintence type of friend... asked me out to Birthday Ball. I initally turned her down, because Cherry Orchard was scheduled to go up that weekened, great planning eh, and obviously I couldn't make it. Well, then I found out that they rescheduled Cherry Orchard to the weekend after, so I could make it after all, and I took her up on the offer.
Just around the very same time last week, Misty and I finally agreed to do this relationship thing, and huzzah I have my first girlfriend yadda yadda yadda. Well, I was speaking with this (B-Ball) girl's roommate and best friend, and I asked her if she knew about Misty and I, and roommate said I should probably tell her, and I can't remember if roommate girl offered to tell her or if I asked... I think she offered, but damn my memory... but regardless, she did. And B-Ball girl came up here to tell me, in a marvelously passive agressive, polite way that's so much worse than outright anger, that she wouldn't want to go to B-Ball with someone who didn't respect her enough to tell her such an item (that I was involved with somebody else) to her face.
Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit.
I just... gahh, Lord knows I wasn't intending to be the jerk or anything, but I did... I do like this girl as a friend. She's a neat person! She's interesting! She's layered! And... if there's anything that cuts me, it's when I hurt someone, especially someone I like. I don't do it as often as I think I do, but when it happens, God, I fucking hate myself for it.
She said I could still go on my own, but what's the point? Misty's already got a date (remember, I didn't think I could go) and besides, I wasn't relishing going to Birthday Ball anyway, what with the memories of my first and only Ball.
Shit, man. I fucking *hate* times like this.
Just around the very same time last week, Misty and I finally agreed to do this relationship thing, and huzzah I have my first girlfriend yadda yadda yadda. Well, I was speaking with this (B-Ball) girl's roommate and best friend, and I asked her if she knew about Misty and I, and roommate said I should probably tell her, and I can't remember if roommate girl offered to tell her or if I asked... I think she offered, but damn my memory... but regardless, she did. And B-Ball girl came up here to tell me, in a marvelously passive agressive, polite way that's so much worse than outright anger, that she wouldn't want to go to B-Ball with someone who didn't respect her enough to tell her such an item (that I was involved with somebody else) to her face.
Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit.
I just... gahh, Lord knows I wasn't intending to be the jerk or anything, but I did... I do like this girl as a friend. She's a neat person! She's interesting! She's layered! And... if there's anything that cuts me, it's when I hurt someone, especially someone I like. I don't do it as often as I think I do, but when it happens, God, I fucking hate myself for it.
She said I could still go on my own, but what's the point? Misty's already got a date (remember, I didn't think I could go) and besides, I wasn't relishing going to Birthday Ball anyway, what with the memories of my first and only Ball.
Shit, man. I fucking *hate* times like this.
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no subject
Date: 2005-02-03 06:27 am (UTC)"i'm very sorry you didn't hear it from me first. i wasn't trying to keep it from you, somebody else just beat me to it."
that is what happened, and you need to tell her instead of letting it simmer. because then it never gets straightened out, and you may lose a friend.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-03 06:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-03 02:26 pm (UTC)One of the shittiest things about life is that you might be the hero of your own story, but you don't always get to be the good guy. And if you're a *nice* guy, you kick yourself in the head over it. A lot.
Been there.