Yeah, the Actor's Nightmare can SUCK IT

On Friday's performance of CLOSER, the laptop I used screwed up and I couldn't read what I was supposed to by typing in the scene. So there I was, naked on stage and not having a single idea what my lines are, even though I'm not actually saying a word. At least I'm not afraid of the Actor's Nightmare anymore.

The show went damn well, if I do say so myself. It was awesome to have seen so many of you there (if I weren't so damn lazy I'd give a shout out to each and every one, but you know who you are). It was great seeing some WAC peeps like Juliana, Kevin, Gizmo, Andi, and Robyn (Clancy's ex, incidentally).

I discovered the DCAC hosts an open mic night on the 2nd Wednesday of every month for poets, comedians, ranters, storytellers, etc. So this December, I think I'll go and perform "My Grandfather's Last Words." An actual stage for The Hefner Monologues, just imagine...

I was sad not to have seen Tammy at the play. Misty not coming was depressingly necessary, but I was hoping to see Tammy one last time, especially with this play. Ah well.

Family Guy continues to amuse me far more for its pop cultural references than actual humor. The mean-spirited stuff they did to Lois? Lame. Re-enacting Peanut Butter Jelly Time and the whole song "Somewhere that's Green" from Little Shop of Horrors with the creepy old man and Chris? That's a little bit of brilliant right there.

Whenever I play hooky, call in sick to get out of work, I always feel guilty as hell. I mean, I did it so I could work at the comic store tomorrow instead of the video store, but still...

Hot-Cha!

CLOSER is over, and now MERRY WIVES is in full swing. For those who don't know, it's set in the 70's, with all the fashions that entails. You know what this means, don't you?

The muttonchops are comin' back, baby.

BIGBOOTAY!!!

Movie stuff ahead.

First of all, I was slightly just above indifferent on the prospect of Peter Jackson's KING KONG remake. Remakes are by and large unnecessary (why don't they remake bad/flawed films to try to make them better?), and much as I love Jackson, I'm like, "If he loves it so much, why's he remaking it?" I really could have cared less.

Then I saw the trailer.

Sweet mother of Gandhi. Holy sweet merciful shit. See this trailer now. Do NOT make me re-enact it for you, because I SO will. Just ask tazira.

Also, SUPERMAN RETURNS trailer. He doesn't look at all like Superman, the costume's wrong, Lois is too young, and I suspect this will not be faithful to Superman in any way like BATMAN BEGINS was to Batsy. Oddly, while BB wisely broke away from the franchise, SR is hell-bent on continuing it, which makes no sense, either in terms of characters' ages, the fact that II and IV are crap, and that campy Lex is a major weak link. Regardless, this may yet be a brilliant movie; it's written by the X2 team, the scenes of Supes in flight are simply beautiful, Kevin motherfucking Spacey is Lex motherfucking Luthor, and, c'mon, tell me your heart doesn't pound a little faster at the sound of that John Williams theme.

( THE ADVENTURES OF BUCKAROO BANZAI ACROSS THE EIGHTH DIMENSION is magic. Pure, glorious magic. )

Will someone lure Professor Peter Weller away from Syracuse so we can finally, finally have BUCKAROO BANZAI VERSUS THE WORLD CRIME LEAGUE?? I want to see the evil Hanoi Xan in action! And besides, I want to have them resurrect Rawhide, because the commentary revealed that he's not really dead! And besides, he's Clancy Brown! Dude! Wait, what's that? No, not Clancy, I mean Clancy Brown! You all know him, even if you don't know him, he... oh the hell with it. PIC SPAM!

( My Favorite Clancy! (sounds like a new sitcom on the WB...) )

Finally, they've released 4 new posters for V FOR VENDETTA, and this is by far the best. I'm still expecting the worst from the movie, if only so I can be pleasantly surprised if it does turn out to be good (yes, Dave, I know where you stand), but regardless, that's a pretty kick-ass poster.

Bigboote.

"The Revenant," by Billy Collins

Following disc_sophist's lead, here's a favorite poem by former US poet laureate Billy Collins. I can't wait to buy his live readings CD, introduced by Bill Murray. I may be a cat lover, but I do love me this poem. Plus, I want an excuse to bust out my Rules of Attraction icons!

***

I am the dog you put to sleep,
as you like to call the needle of oblivion,
come back to tell you this simple thing:
I never liked you--not one bit.

When I licked your face,
I thought of biting off your nose.
When I watched you toweling yourself dry,
I wanted to leap and unman you with a snap.

I resented the way you moved,
your lack of animal grace,
the way you would sit in a chair to eat,
a napkin on your lap, knife in your hand.

I would have run away,
but I was too weak, a trick you taught me
while I was learning to sit and heel,
and--greatest of insults--shake hands without a hand.

I admit the sight of the leash
would excite me
but only because it meant I was about
to smell things you had never touched.

You do not want to believe this,
but I have no reason to lie.
I hated the car, the rubber toys,
disliked your friends and, worse, your relatives.

The jingling of my tags drove me mad.
You always scratched me in the wrong place.
All I ever wanted from you
was food and fresh water in my metal bowls.

While you slept, I watched you breathe
as the moon rose in the sky.
It took all of my strength
not to raise my head and howl.

Now I am free of the collar,
the yellow raincoat, monogrammed sweater,
the absurdity of your lawn,
and that is all you need to know about this place

except what you already supposed
and are glad it did not happen sooner--
that everyone here can read and write,
the dogs in poetry, the cats and the others in prose.