Harvey Dent believes in two things: Justice and Gotham City

The Gotham Times have been updated! Which means if you click the "h" in "Gotham" on the headline, you'll see a certain someone has updated something as well.

Meanwhile, Concerned Citizens for a Better Gotham, a mysterious group of "100 concerned businessmen, police officers, and residents" have launched a Swift-Boat-style smear campaign against Harvey Dent. In response, ADA Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal!) holds a press conference to defend Harvey Dent and refute these allegations.

I really hope we see more of the actors do spots like this in character. How cool would it be if Aaron Eckhart pulled a "Borat" and started appearing on talk shows in character as Harvey Dent?

Sadly, the joke would be lost on your average person, which is why more and more, people (mainly the joyless asshats at chud.com) have been bitching about how pointless all this marketing has been, that no one cares other than the hardcore geeks, how it'll have no real effect on the masses. On one hand, they're probably right. On the other hand, eat a bag of dicks.

Photos! Stress! New script! Old script! New titles! GAHHH!!!!

ALL RIGHT, so Roy Cox (the photographer who did my kick-ass HEFNER MONOLOGUES photos last year) just got an opening for me in exactly one week for a two-outfit session of sexy photos. This is great news, because I was originally scheduled for April 29th, which would really have put a serious strain on the May 16th deadline for DC Fringe's promotional material. So that's one less thing to worry about.

I have just been so on edge, stressed, and depressed these past few weeks, struggling to get the new show under 75 minutes (without rushing AND with audience laughter), cutting the script down past the bone. The editing has been good, in some ways. It forces me to make the show tighter, to discard the less important bits that drag the show down (while at the risk of losing technically-unessential parts that people still love, like the whole "Day in Traffic Court" story). The "Drunk in Bath" story is decidedly different in several ways, but I think it's now much tighter and far more effective than it's ever been.

But all this editing, memorization and rehearsal of revised and new material has kept me from writing the new show, the one for which I'm doing at DC Fringe and seeing Roy Cox. Now, the idea is to go back into hermitage this Thursday to Saturday and write the fucking thing, to face my fears and nail this bad boy.

Because even besides the obvious I-need-the-fucking-script factor, I don't even know what kind of themes I'm gonna want when I see Roy, because I'm not entirely certain what themes will pop out in the script. DC Fringe head Julianne Brienza suggested that I do the opposite approach from last year: while THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES had a goofy crazy marketing style, this should be more serious, reflecting the tragicomic of the new show, whatever it's called.

Yes, I'm still struggling with the new title. I still kind of like SON OF THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES, even though it doesn't really make sense. fiveseconddelay is a big fan of SON OF A HEFNER (MONOLOGUE), but I dunno.

It's been suggested that maybe I don't necessarily want to use THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES in every show I do. After all, it works for the first show, but after that, it's kind of like how THE THIN MAN and THE PINK PANTHER reused the title purely for brand recognition, while having nothing to do with the stories. Not to mention that I might be seen as riding Eve Ensler too hard.

It occurred to me that the answer might come from cavenessity's bright idea: www.thehefner.com. Maybe the brand recognition shouldn't be THE HEFNER MONOLOGUES but simply THE HEFNER.

THE HEFNER'S PROGRESS.

THE HEFNER IDENTITY/SUPREMACY/ULTIMATUM.

THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF HEFNER. (props to angrylemur)

CHILDREN OF THE LESSER HEFNER (once I have kids, and all the stories that will come with 'em)

THE HEFNER, PARTY OF ONE (NO WAITING) (fiveseconddelay)

THE COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO THE HEFNER.

YOU! ON THE HEFNER. (both spacechild's contributions)

Seriously, though, I won't really know until I write the fucking thing. Thursday to Saturday. Peace and quiet. No lallygagging.

We're gonna try to get some folks together Saturday the 19th for a test audience of the 75-minute HEFNER MONOLOGUES cut. If you want in, lemme know, we'd love to have you.