Wanted: Spunky Lesbian Sidekick

[thehefner]

I've decided what my life needs. For the sake of this Hefnerian 80's buddy-cop dramady, I think I need a spunky lesbian sidekick.

She'll be there to provide snark and sass, ready to provide a comment or roll her eyes at the things I do and say, but always ready to beat up people who make me cry, because she's small but scrappy. She'll be petite and tomboyish, not too butch, and over the seasons we'd have audiences on edge with "will they won't they" tension, which could totally happen, because while she's not attracted to men, she might make an exception with me. She would teach me how to be tough and assertive and I would teach her to be sensitive and to appreciate cats and crying.

Of course, if anything ever did happen, my audience would probably cry "Jumped the shark!" We wouldn't want a MOONLIGHTING situation, after all, nor would we want to drag it out beyond people's interests like X-FILES. FUTURAMA seemed to pull it off and then return back to status quo. But then, that was only after already getting canceled and returning for the direct-to-DVD movie...

Aw hell, I'm over-thinking this. My point is, spunky lesbian sidekick. It needs to happen. Or maybe if I go evil, I can be like the Riddler and get my own pair of lesbian henchwomen. That would also be acceptable.

Comments

[whimmydiddle.livejournal.com]

cats_n_crying, meet kdsorceress. In her first year of college, cute & intelligent as all get out, technically bi, I believe, but there is no lack of spunk there.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Uhm, yes then. Hello.

Whymy was pretty accurate in her description of me, the one thing she got wrong is that I'm not technically bi, I'm technically awesomesexual, which, in terms other people actually use, tends to work out to polyamorous, and pansexual.

*waves*

~Sor

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Hiya! *waves back*

Awesomesexual is awesome, I wholeheartedly approve of the term. If you can additionally beat up people who make me cry, then consider it a deal! My people will call your people, we'll set something up over lunch.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

*Grins* I'm glad you think so! I came up with the term a couple years ago, since I really don't like the negative connotations associated with being a college-aged bisexual female, and the term pansexual makes me think too much of greek mythology.

And yeah, I'm decent at beating people up, especially if they hurt my friends and/or hero¹. Sounds like we have a deal, or something!

~Sor

1: Is that the right term? 'Person-I-am-a-sidekick-to'.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

I've only recently encountered the term "pansexual," but now all I'm going to think about is attraction to fawns and the like, thank you.

Heh, I dunno if "hero" would work. Let's start with John. Or Heffie, if you prefer.

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

*grins* You're welcome!

*holds out a hand* Hi there! I'm Sor, or Kat, or any manner of 'hey you'.

~Sor

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Well howdy, Kat. You are friended. :)

Although I fear the lack of strict lesbianness keeps you from obtaining that position. Fear not, for I think there's a place in my cast for you too!

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

Groovy! You're friended back.

Ah, well, I quite understand. Good luck with your search!

~Sor

[whimmydiddle.livejournal.com]

I know you are awesomesexual, and I love the term, but I was at a loss for whether/how to explain it to cats_n_crying. Thank you for doing so! It's a term that should get wider play!

[kdsorceress.livejournal.com]

My explanation is generally "Well, I like boys, and I like girls, and I like boys who used to be girls, and I like girls who used to be boys, and I like people who are both, and I like people who are neither, and I like girls who are boys on Tuesdays and Fridays, and..."

People get the point pretty quickly. *grin*

~Sor

[dhairya.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey, I'll be your scrappy lesbian sidekick any day of the week, any time of the day.

Also, pussy, 0mn0mn0m.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

That last part made me laugh entirely too hard for library appropriateness. ;)

[nymphgalatea.livejournal.com]

If you were willing to swap lesbianism for Scottishness I could totally be your sparky tiny snarky sidekick (who can kick like a mule and has a glare that could make hell freeze over).

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

(ala Principal Skinner) You Scots sure are a contentious people. ;p

Y'know, it's funny, while I could have guessed you could be sparky and snarkly, I actually didn't know you were small. I mean, I have no idea what you look like at all, so any description takes me by surprise a bit, sort of like finally seeing somebody who you've only known for years as a voice on the radio.

[nymphgalatea.livejournal.com]

Hey, you're speaking to a girl who happily pictures people on the internet as androgenous bodies with their icon pictures as their heads.

At a proud 5 foot 2 inches tall I'm the tallest female in my family. (I'm of Irish stock, in which the pale-skinned, dark-haired shortarse gene is strong. One of these days I will get a digital camera and a Myspace and get myself online)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Oh lordy, much as I do wanna put a face to your username (wait, I don't even know your name! This is appalling!), MySpace just ain't worth it. Stick with the cool kids on LJ!

[nymphgalatea.livejournal.com]

It's Laura :)

And your icon reminds me of the dreams I sometimes have when I've failed to hit my required daily dose of five cuppas a day. Why is the tea bag taunting him with scones? That's not nice! I'm upset (and require tea to recover)

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Aha, why I now know two non-American Lauras!

As for the icon, I suppose this is the ideal way to explain things:

[thirdbase.livejournal.com]

funny, she's a friend of mine. We were just talking about signs of armageddon the other day and I asked if she had started dating guys.

If she ever wants a non-environmnetal job, I'll point her your way.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Ha, really? I should draft up an application just in case.

[princessebee.livejournal.com]

I'd put my hand up for the part, but only if by 'tomboyish and shorthaired' you mean 'busty and ridiculously high femme and not really lesbian'

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Eh, I'm afraid you don't fit the position. However, by that description coupled with your own magnificent geekishness, we'll create a whole new character, just for you. Welcome aboard!

[angrylemur.livejournal.com]

I know lots of spunky lesbians, I could hook you up.

Perhaps you and my friend jessefivey could team up. She's in film school and makes t-shirt stencils! Also she could teach you how to tie people up.

No I have no ulterior motive in wanting you to learn that particular skill, why do you ask?

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I've never understood the tying-up thing, even though I have a couple ladyfriends into it. But then, I am vanilla, with little specks of vanilla bean.

[spacechild.livejournal.com]

And so Heffie takes his place in the great pantheon of masculinity with his assertion that he, and only he, could turn the lesbian.

HAIL!