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thehefnerHENCHGIRL: That. Was. Shit.
ME: Yeah, when we get back, I'm totally showing you the original.
HENCHGIRL: You didn't even hear it. Those teenagers. Those kids, ten years our junior, they liked it. They fucking liked it! Fucking teenagers!
ME: Who? Which kids? Where?
HENCHGIRL: No, no, it's not worth it...
ME: No, seriously. Where are they? Point me in their direction. I wanna talk with...
HENCHGIRL: No, no, come on...
ME: Just a little talk! Just for a second, I swear!
HENCHGIRL: It's not worth it. It's not... sighhh, it's just not.
ME: Y'know, I just wish I'd stood in front of that screen when the credits rolled and announced, "HEY! THIS FILM SUCKED ASS! WATCH THE ORIGINAL! IT'S ON DVD NOW!"
HENCHGIRL: ... you smeghead, they...
ME: "NOW THAT ONE IS GREAT! IT STARS TERRY O'QUINN! Y'KNOW, LOCKE FROM LOST!"
HENCHGIRL: They don't care.
ME: What? Of course they do! It's LOST! They know LOST!
HENCHGIRL: No. They don't.
ME: Of course they do! It's one of the hottest things on TV!
HENCHGIRL: They don't watch LOST.
ME: But it's a hit, it's totally huge, it's like X-FILES but... wait. Hold on. ... So... we were the only kids our age to watch X-FILES when it came out, weren't we?
HENCHGIRL: Yep.
ME: We were the only ones.
HENCHGIRL: Yep.
ME: ... Sigh. Fucking teenagers.
The moral of the story, kids: don't watch the STEPFATHER remake. Rent the original instead. It has John Locke from LOST. Which you'd know if you were cool. Which you guys are. Because you're not teenagers.
Shit, I'm just glad the Stepfather didn't sparkle.
ME: Yeah, when we get back, I'm totally showing you the original.
HENCHGIRL: You didn't even hear it. Those teenagers. Those kids, ten years our junior, they liked it. They fucking liked it! Fucking teenagers!
ME: Who? Which kids? Where?
HENCHGIRL: No, no, it's not worth it...
ME: No, seriously. Where are they? Point me in their direction. I wanna talk with...
HENCHGIRL: No, no, come on...
ME: Just a little talk! Just for a second, I swear!
HENCHGIRL: It's not worth it. It's not... sighhh, it's just not.
ME: Y'know, I just wish I'd stood in front of that screen when the credits rolled and announced, "HEY! THIS FILM SUCKED ASS! WATCH THE ORIGINAL! IT'S ON DVD NOW!"
HENCHGIRL: ... you smeghead, they...
ME: "NOW THAT ONE IS GREAT! IT STARS TERRY O'QUINN! Y'KNOW, LOCKE FROM LOST!"
HENCHGIRL: They don't care.
ME: What? Of course they do! It's LOST! They know LOST!
HENCHGIRL: No. They don't.
ME: Of course they do! It's one of the hottest things on TV!
HENCHGIRL: They don't watch LOST.
ME: But it's a hit, it's totally huge, it's like X-FILES but... wait. Hold on. ... So... we were the only kids our age to watch X-FILES when it came out, weren't we?
HENCHGIRL: Yep.
ME: We were the only ones.
HENCHGIRL: Yep.
ME: ... Sigh. Fucking teenagers.
The moral of the story, kids: don't watch the STEPFATHER remake. Rent the original instead. It has John Locke from LOST. Which you'd know if you were cool. Which you guys are. Because you're not teenagers.
Shit, I'm just glad the Stepfather didn't sparkle.
