Conversation after watching THE STEPFATHER remake

[thehefner]

HENCHGIRL: That. Was. Shit.

ME: Yeah, when we get back, I'm totally showing you the original.

HENCHGIRL: You didn't even hear it. Those teenagers. Those kids, ten years our junior, they liked it. They fucking liked it! Fucking teenagers!

ME: Who? Which kids? Where?

HENCHGIRL: No, no, it's not worth it...

ME: No, seriously. Where are they? Point me in their direction. I wanna talk with...

HENCHGIRL: No, no, come on...

ME: Just a little talk! Just for a second, I swear!

HENCHGIRL: It's not worth it. It's not... sighhh, it's just not.

ME: Y'know, I just wish I'd stood in front of that screen when the credits rolled and announced, "HEY! THIS FILM SUCKED ASS! WATCH THE ORIGINAL! IT'S ON DVD NOW!"

HENCHGIRL: ... you smeghead, they...

ME: "NOW THAT ONE IS GREAT! IT STARS TERRY O'QUINN! Y'KNOW, LOCKE FROM LOST!"

HENCHGIRL: They don't care.

ME: What? Of course they do! It's LOST! They know LOST!

HENCHGIRL: No. They don't.

ME: Of course they do! It's one of the hottest things on TV!

HENCHGIRL: They don't watch LOST.

ME: But it's a hit, it's totally huge, it's like X-FILES but... wait. Hold on. ... So... we were the only kids our age to watch X-FILES when it came out, weren't we?

HENCHGIRL: Yep.

ME: We were the only ones.

HENCHGIRL: Yep.

ME: ... Sigh. Fucking teenagers.



The moral of the story, kids: don't watch the STEPFATHER remake. Rent the original instead. It has John Locke from LOST. Which you'd know if you were cool. Which you guys are. Because you're not teenagers.

Shit, I'm just glad the Stepfather didn't sparkle.

Comments

[chickenhat.livejournal.com]

That last line is precious. :-)

*off to build a birdhouse while whistling "Camp Town Races"...*

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Henchgirl curses TWILIGHT (and everything it has spawned) like Doom curses Richards. It's rubbing off on me. Now, I too am starting to notice just how many things sparkle.

Also, +1 point.

[fragmentedsky.livejournal.com]

This is yet another mark of awesome on her part!

Tell her to read cleolinda's Twilight book/movie recaps (and Growing Up Cullen, which is linked in there somewhere), if she hasn't. She'll still hate Twilight, but she'll also be able to laugh with glee at it, too.

[bitemetechie.livejournal.com]

The Henghgirl approves of being approved of.

The Henchgirl shall also henceforth speak in third person and curse her archenemy to the heavens.

MEYEEEEEEEEEEER! -angry fistshake-

...

The Henchgirl has now carried this joke too far and will cease this silliness at once.

At least...out loud.

[fragmentedsky.livejournal.com]

I would totally make up some sentence about approving of the approval of the approval but my attention span is not that long~ (the sentiment is totally there, though!)

I don't see why third person and/or cursing Meyer to the heavens are at all bad things. I do both very frequently, to the point where strangers give me odd looks, especially when I have no basis for talking to them about either. I sometimes just start talking and can't stop, it's a problem. And my violent hatred of Meyer and all things created by Meyer has occasionally either gotten me in trouble with her fans or caused me to assault sparkly Borders displays with convenient Harry Potter Paraphernalia for Great Justice.

But that is neither here nor there. I'm telling you, everything on this page will bring you joy (whether or not it's out loud) from Pattinson remarking that Meyer is in love with her own fictional creation to Growing Up Cullen depicting Edward's presumed love of Oprah which I can no longer read while in class.

[bitemetechie.livejournal.com]

I have decided you and I will be the greatest of friends. Also, you shall be my right hand when the new world order that I'm totally not working on in secret comes to pass. You will even outrank thehefner, because I can only rant about Twilight at him, not with him. This is VITAL to what I want in a second in command!

Meyer engenders a certain kind of feverish hatred in me that I usually only reserve for things like comic books and fanboys/fanfiction writers who are incredible asshats. The Boy can attest to the breadth and scope of my loathing for the woman and everything she's done to literature with the depth of her suckage. The Boy can also attest to the fact that every time we pass a shelf 'o Twilight--in either book, movie or magazine format--I very stealthily grab a stack of something that doesn't suck and magically make it aaaaaall go away.

There's never enough Harry Potter to go around, so I usually make do with John Green novels or, if I'm feeling saucy, copies of Watchmen. You see, I feel it's my duty, as an older, wiser, slightly more jaded member of my gender, to ensure at least one out of every twenty teenage girls who enters a store leaves it with the chance of one day becoming fucking awesome.

I'll definitely check out those links, this I promise! And also, your icon is made of win and sunshine and rainbows covered in chocolate killer bunnies.

[fragmentedsky.livejournal.com]

Even the good ones have their issues, sadly. However, I will totally fill the Twilight-ranting void and happily participate in the new world order, if mostly because I'm still not sure how the old one works most of the time.

(I will also totally friend you if that is not too creepy, because you seem cool and I feel like it, even though we have only exchanged like two comments, because I looked at your interests and you like Bebop and Roald Dahl and Christopher Pike [OH MY GOD MY CHILDHOOD!!] and Neil Gaiman and Paul Simon and I was totally just telling someone last week how I could no longer be their friend until they watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit and okay, maybe InuYasha isn't my personal Takahashi fandom of choice but it is still highly enjoyable MUST STOP RAMBLING)

That is an excellent technique. You have more faith that they will read cool things over sparkly vampires than I do, but I appreciate the good nature behind your attempts to avert the Sparklpocolypse.

previous icon is a panel of the most accurate comic ever.

[bitemetechie.livejournal.com]

Wait...I have to have a structure in place for my ew world order?...it would seem I have not thought out my plans for world domination as well as I ought to have.

It's not too creepy at all! Point of fact, it's just creepy enough and just the right kind of creepy for me to be totally comfortable with it. You certainly seem awesome enough to merit a friending, for the Paul Simon thing alone, plus of course all that other stuff--especially the fact that you have the same sort of feelings about Who Framed Roger Rabbit that I do--and yay, new friends! I'll friend you back, natch.

[fragmentedsky.livejournal.com]

I totally got distracted but I have rectified it now! Um. I don't actually know, I'm not great with structure myself, they just tell me there is one right now and then I blink question marks at them and chase shiny objects until I am tired. Which does not take long.

That is totally awesome. And all the moreso for this. I firmly believe that Graceland is the best album ever made. I...am totally going to sleep now, but I look forward to getting to know you.

[mellifluous-ink.livejournal.com]

This is why I don't go see horror movies. It's more fun to wait til they come out, get them on netflix, then throw a party and MST the fuck out of it. It's awesome.

You should rent Lesbian Vampire Killers. It'll cheer you right up.

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

God, why is it so hard to get good horror movies made these days? Why are they so rare? There's been stellar buzz for PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, which sounds like a great HAUNTING style minimalist haunted house story, but we'll have to see.

As for that one, I just don't know. I mean, I heard that about JESUS CHRIST: VAMPIRE HUNTER. ;p

[mellifluous-ink.livejournal.com]

Seriously. Lesbian Vampire Killers is a parody done in the UK, about vampire movies. It's great, you really should see it.

Yeah... it's kinda like that...

[american-arcane.livejournal.com]

The more bits I saw of it in trailers, the more I wondered why they bothered.

I'll watch it when it rolls across my cable system in another few months. There are many more movies I'd rather pay to see.

(And I'm sure there'll be a special sparkle edition soon enough...)

Re: Yeah... it's kinda like that...

[thehefner.livejournal.com]

Definitely do check it out! I'm super-excited to finally have it on DVD, and look forward to watching it in one chunk on my TV, as opposed to broken up on YouTube. Hopefully it still holds up. It might not be a great story (but then again, it's written by Donald Westlake, so it might actually be), but it sure as hell is a brilliant (I use the term with utter seriousness, no hyperbole) performance by O'Quinn.

[night-train-fm.livejournal.com]

I was wondering when we'd hear from you on this; thanks for confirming what I thought based on the trailer (I need to watch the original in full sometime).

Speaking of trailers: Seen the one for the 'Elm Street' remake?

[kagome654.livejournal.com]

Oh, you old curmudgeon you.

[droidboy010101.livejournal.com]

Wow, she calls you a smeghead... that's so cute.

One of my old jaded friends saw paranormal activity and said it was great fun and scary as heck. I don't know if it's true or just people who can't think of anything better to compare it with, but it has the feel of Blair Witch (which the first time was great fun, though not worth much rewatching.)

[swimpenguin.livejournal.com]

And I still want the 2 hours of my soul back from the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Give me Bride of Frankenstein any day.

[superfan1.livejournal.com]

Last line oh so hilarious lol! :)

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

"Shit, I'm just glad the Stepfather didn't sparkle."

You are making a woman with a cough laugh. Be very afraid...