thehefner: (We Don't Need... Rhodes)
Henchgirl just woke up (we tend to fall asleep by the first lights of morning), and the first thing she said was, "John... promise me something."

"What?"

"Promise me that... if there's ever a zombie apocalypse... and you find zombified Ty Templeton, and he's not all the way gone yet... don't bring him home so he can sign all your comics and we can kill him mercifully afterward."

"Aw, not even to have him draw me a Two-Face sketch?"

"I can't really judge, because when I saw almost-but-not-quite-zombified Ty Templeton, I hugged him. And he was totally cool about it too. 'Yeah, sure, I'll sign all your comics, totally, just put a bullet in my head when I'm done!'"

"... yeah, I make no promises."
thehefner: (Scott and Barda are US SO SCHMOOPY)
HENCHGIRL: (blearily) Did you really wake me up by singing "Still Alive," from Portal?

ME: Yes.

HENCHGIRL: I honestly thought I was going crazy. Oh god.

ME: Where is your God now?

HENCHGIRL: He's at home, washing his tights.
thehefner: (Norman Osborn: SNERK)
The only excuse I can offer for this exchange between me, my pal Mike Ridgaway ([livejournal.com profile] themadhatter26), and his girlfriend Vangie is that Ridgaway and I were watching a marathon of IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA. Which might account for the utter, utter awfulness that followed in this conversation on the streets of Baltimore.

We are horrible, horrible people )
thehefner: (Starro w/ Cupcakes)
HENCHGIRL: That. Was. Shit.

ME: Yeah, when we get back, I'm totally showing you the original.

HENCHGIRL: You didn't even hear it. Those teenagers. Those kids, ten years our junior, they liked it. They fucking liked it! Fucking teenagers!

ME: Who? Which kids? Where?

HENCHGIRL: No, no, it's not worth it...

ME: No, seriously. Where are they? Point me in their direction. I wanna talk with...

HENCHGIRL: No, no, come on...

ME: Just a little talk! Just for a second, I swear!

HENCHGIRL: It's not worth it. It's not... sighhh, it's just not.

ME: Y'know, I just wish I'd stood in front of that screen when the credits rolled and announced, "HEY! THIS FILM SUCKED ASS! WATCH THE ORIGINAL! IT'S ON DVD NOW!"

HENCHGIRL: ... you smeghead, they...

ME: "NOW THAT ONE IS GREAT! IT STARS TERRY O'QUINN! Y'KNOW, LOCKE FROM LOST!"

HENCHGIRL: They don't care.

ME: What? Of course they do! It's LOST! They know LOST!

HENCHGIRL: No. They don't.

ME: Of course they do! It's one of the hottest things on TV!

HENCHGIRL: They don't watch LOST.

ME: But it's a hit, it's totally huge, it's like X-FILES but... wait. Hold on. ... So... we were the only kids our age to watch X-FILES when it came out, weren't we?

HENCHGIRL: Yep.

ME: We were the only ones.

HENCHGIRL: Yep.

ME: ... Sigh. Fucking teenagers.



The moral of the story, kids: don't watch the STEPFATHER remake. Rent the original instead. It has John Locke from LOST. Which you'd know if you were cool. Which you guys are. Because you're not teenagers.

Shit, I'm just glad the Stepfather didn't sparkle.

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