![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Eye of the Tiger, baby. Eye of the Tiger.
Oct. 4th, 2007 12:15 pmFurther developments in Heffie's ongoing struggle to get in shape (in time for Halloween pictures).
So a few days ago, in an effort to maintain my personal trainer Carolyn's prescribed diet of 3-8 egg whites every morning, I went to Whole Foods to get more cage-free organic eggs. If I'm gonna gulp down egg whites, you bet I'm gonna go for the organic kind. However, it was 9pm, and Whole Foods was closed, so I was forced to go to Safeway. They had *one* container of the cage-free organic eggs, but one seemed like enough, and the next morning I had my egg whites as usual. However, I felt paranoid for the rest of the day. I'm fine, of course. If I weren't, Mom assures me, I'd know it soon enough. But you guys know me. I'm a worrier. I'm the Worrier King!
Fast forward to just an hour ago. I'm working out with Carolyn, she's kicking my ass as usual, and I decide to share this story with her, to hopefully alleviate my own paranoia and take my mind off the burn.
ME: So I've been feeling a little paranoid over the egg whites lately...
CAROLYN: What, you're concerned that you've been undercooking them?
...
...
...
ME: ... nnnnnno. I've... been sucking them down raw.
CAROLYN: !!!!!! WH--WHUH--WHAT?! RAW?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! OH MY GOD!
ME: But... but... I thought that was the point.
CAROLYN: NO! JESUS CHRIST, NO!!! ISN'T THAT DISGUSTING?!
ME: ... yes. They're raw eggs whites. Isn't that the whole point?
CAROLYN: OH MY GOD!!! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME WOULD POSSESS YOU TO DO THAT?!
ME: But... but that's what Rocky did!
CAROLYN: YEAH, BACK IN 1976! HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD?!
So of course she had to tell one of her co-workers, this strapping big trainer who was making this little middle-aged suburban mom do crunches. Nearly breathless, Carolyn forces herself into story mode and regales past five minutes to her colleague...
CAROLYN: And he's been eating them raw.
GUY: Oh yeah, I've done that.
CAROLYN/SOCCER MOM: What?! Really?! GROSS!
GUY: Sure, a lot of guys do that. Wait, you use the organic kind, right?
ME: Totally.
GUY: Psh, yeah, you're fine.
CAROLYN: I can't believe this. I'm so sorry for not being more specific. But why the hell wouldn't you cook them?
ME: Because... honestly, I can't stand cooked eggs. They make me throw up.
CAROLYN: Jesus!
ME: With the whites, I can use my patented Irish Car Bomb technique and suck 'em down in one slimy, flavorless gulp.
CAROLYN: Ugh. Wow. Can you put that on a résumé?
ME: I think it'd attract the wrong kind of people.
Carolyn let me go home after that, bowing and chanting "We're not worthy. We're not worthy." The other trainer and the Soccer Mom, on the other hand, announced my triumphant departure by singing, in unison:
Duh-dun da-da-dun da-da-dun da-da-dun, da-da da-da-dun da-da-DA da-da-dun...
So a few days ago, in an effort to maintain my personal trainer Carolyn's prescribed diet of 3-8 egg whites every morning, I went to Whole Foods to get more cage-free organic eggs. If I'm gonna gulp down egg whites, you bet I'm gonna go for the organic kind. However, it was 9pm, and Whole Foods was closed, so I was forced to go to Safeway. They had *one* container of the cage-free organic eggs, but one seemed like enough, and the next morning I had my egg whites as usual. However, I felt paranoid for the rest of the day. I'm fine, of course. If I weren't, Mom assures me, I'd know it soon enough. But you guys know me. I'm a worrier. I'm the Worrier King!
Fast forward to just an hour ago. I'm working out with Carolyn, she's kicking my ass as usual, and I decide to share this story with her, to hopefully alleviate my own paranoia and take my mind off the burn.
ME: So I've been feeling a little paranoid over the egg whites lately...
CAROLYN: What, you're concerned that you've been undercooking them?
...
...
...
ME: ... nnnnnno. I've... been sucking them down raw.
CAROLYN: !!!!!! WH--WHUH--WHAT?! RAW?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! OH MY GOD!
ME: But... but... I thought that was the point.
CAROLYN: NO! JESUS CHRIST, NO!!! ISN'T THAT DISGUSTING?!
ME: ... yes. They're raw eggs whites. Isn't that the whole point?
CAROLYN: OH MY GOD!!! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME WOULD POSSESS YOU TO DO THAT?!
ME: But... but that's what Rocky did!
CAROLYN: YEAH, BACK IN 1976! HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD?!
So of course she had to tell one of her co-workers, this strapping big trainer who was making this little middle-aged suburban mom do crunches. Nearly breathless, Carolyn forces herself into story mode and regales past five minutes to her colleague...
CAROLYN: And he's been eating them raw.
GUY: Oh yeah, I've done that.
CAROLYN/SOCCER MOM: What?! Really?! GROSS!
GUY: Sure, a lot of guys do that. Wait, you use the organic kind, right?
ME: Totally.
GUY: Psh, yeah, you're fine.
CAROLYN: I can't believe this. I'm so sorry for not being more specific. But why the hell wouldn't you cook them?
ME: Because... honestly, I can't stand cooked eggs. They make me throw up.
CAROLYN: Jesus!
ME: With the whites, I can use my patented Irish Car Bomb technique and suck 'em down in one slimy, flavorless gulp.
CAROLYN: Ugh. Wow. Can you put that on a résumé?
ME: I think it'd attract the wrong kind of people.
Carolyn let me go home after that, bowing and chanting "We're not worthy. We're not worthy." The other trainer and the Soccer Mom, on the other hand, announced my triumphant departure by singing, in unison:
Duh-dun da-da-dun da-da-dun da-da-dun, da-da da-da-dun da-da-DA da-da-dun...
