Youuu Shalll Not Pa... erm, I mean, THE WHITE COMMANDS YOU!

GIF, because Father Callahan from SALEM'S LOT and DARK TOWER truly, indeed does kick arse for the lord. Lord, though, sometimes I do wish I had photoshop rather than MSPaint, but I think I make do.

I'm almost halfway into the final book of DARK TOWER, and oh, this is going to end badly. At worst, it's going to be a infuriating and disappointingly crushing. At best, it's going to be devastating and emotionally crushing. Which really is the way it goes for ol' Roland, isn't it?

Speaking of Tower, I was not aware that Tower Records is going out of business! God, I wish I'd known sooner! The one in Rockville has been pretty picked-over already, but I managed to snag a few DVDs at 40% off, so huzzah! I just shot a nice chunk of my comic clerk paycheck, but I think it was worth it for STAR WARS EPs 4 & 6, the new ones with the original versions. Now, on one hand, the original versions are unremastered grainy laserdisc transfers, but who the hell cares! Actually, I might not care if it weren't for the fact that the remastered versions, riddled as they are with lies and bastardizations (No, Hayden! You do NOT get to stand all blue-ghost-y next to Alec Guinness! Bad emo Jedi!), is that these new versions are absolutely gorgeous. Guhhh, I don't think I've ever seen a DVD remastering handled so beautifully. Why, if it weren't for the hairstyles, you almost might think it wasn't made in the 70's-80's!

I also got THE PRODUCERS musical, which makes me very happy with its over-the-top theatrical goodness, and SUPERMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES volume 3. That show is sadly underrated, with some excellent voice work by Clancy Brown as Lex, Miguel Ferrer as Aquaman, Ted Levine as Sinestro, Lori Petty as Livewire, and Michael Ironside as Darkseid.

Oh, man, I want to see a movie where Jack Nicholson, Michael Ironside, and Kurtwood Smith play brothers, I really do. Maybe it could be in the same movie where they face off against brothers played by Nick Nolte and Gary Busey (One's grizzled, the other's bugfuck insane, together they fight crime and are blond!).

Oh, so how many of you reacted the way I did when I heard the title for Panic! At the Disco's single, "Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off"? I'm betting at least four of you.

17% Hugh. 100% Hefner. (or is that 83%?)

An old man called up the comic store today and asked me for recommendations for something Superman-related for his six-year-old grandson. I recommended the Showcase Superman collection of reprints from the 50's, classic fun all-ages stuff.

"It's all right for him, right?" He asked. "It's not like all other comics today, filled with pornography and violence and sadism?"

And of course even though I said yes, I thought about what he said all day. I mean, on the pornography front, I can just discount that as crotchety old man thinking. I remember one old woman referred to the Authority's Engineer as a "pornographic" image. Hell, far as I'm concerned, the only pornographic comics are things like LOST GIRLS, and even that failed as pornography from what I understand. One person's sexy is another person's pornography. Like, I consider Playboy a nudie mag, not pornography, but there are many who disagree with me. So I can discount his thoughts there just fine.

But I was just about to do the same on the violence and sadism part, and what immediately came to mind was all the head-punching, brain-blowing, neck-snapping, Dr. Rapey shock value in superhero comics over the past few years. Crotchety Old Man may be looking at it from a out-of-touch perspective ("Besleeve yourself, strumpet!"), but the kicker is, he's not entirely wrong.

Not that I don't love a good bloodbath, nor do I think superhero comics should be entirely sanitized for all-ages. I like adult (or at least, PG-13) sensibilities in superhero stories, but I also love stories that are a bit more light and fun. The only thing that's a bigger shame than the fact that there are pitifully few superhero comics for kids is the fact that there are pitifully few kids who even read comics anymore, much less superhero comics.

I do sometimes wonder who the next generation of superhero comic readers will be. If there even will be one at all.


Oh, and a quiz meme:

You scored as Steven Morrissey. You're Morrissey, that's pethetic. </td> Dante Alighieri 75% Steven Morrissey 75% C.G. Jung 75% Jesus Christ 67% Friedrich Nietzsche 67% Sigmund Freud 58% Adolf Hitler 50% Miyamoto Musashi 42% Elvis Presley 42% Charles Manson 33% Stephen Hawking 33% Mother Teresa 33% Hugh Hefner 17% O.J. Simpson 8% What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You? created with QuizFarm.com

I've never really listened to any Morrissey, but based on what little I know about him, I'm going to assume this is sadly accurate enough in the eyes of many. At least I'm tied with Dante and Jung, although I can't quite say if it would be more honorable to be either of them.

Honestly, the only reason I took the quiz is to find out what percentage Hugh Hefner I am. And look at that, a full 17%!

It makes me wonder if Hugh will be remembered hundreds of years from now. I don't quite know how to feel about that. Does that mean I'll still exist far in the future as a footnote in the studies of biographers and Playboy Philosophers? Hey, some people are lucky enough just to be footnotes. Still, it makes me wonder.

Whenever I see something about Hugh, it always puts me in an existential frame of mind.

eat them up, yum.

So I've started filming my father as he tells stories. Not only does this give me an excuse to use my iSight, but it gives me a real archive for myself, capturing my father at his most human moments as he recounts his childhood in Chicago, his days at Curtis Institute, his tyrannical mentor, and his many, many women. My main goal is to have these for when I write the big, long Hefner Monologue about him (it might even be a single book), but it's also great to have him captured on film for me to study from an outside perspective.

His stories are excellent, and even downhill as he is, he can still muster a bit of the old bard in him every now and again. I'm almost tempted to put these videos on youtube, but he made me promise not to show them to anyone. He won't admit it, but he doesn't want anyone to see the state he's in. So I'll do the next best thing and try to paint a picture with words when the times comes.

Besides, it's just as well no one sees these films because of my involvement in them. I've never listened to a recording of myself not reading from a script, so forgive me for being the last person on earth to make this observation, but...

HOLY CRAP I TALK SO FRICKIN' FAST AND STUTTER LIKE CRAZY!

I mean, I knew I was a bit fast and stuttery anyway, but sweet merciful fuck, no wonder people think I'm intense and overwhelming! Hell, I don't think *I* could tolerate me! I'm listening to me interview my father, and all I can think is, "Deep breath, boy! Deep breath! Slooowww!" Seriously, how the hell do you people put up with me when I get like that? I sound like a coked-up Porky Pig!

Of course, it's because I have so many thoughts in my head at any given moment that I want to get them all out before I'm interrupted, or before people lose interest. Still. Yipes.