THE DURIAN DANCE (or, "When Angels Barf"): A Tragicomedy In Three Acts

[thehefner]

(OVERTURE)




ACT ONE


Wherein the subject of this whole farce is given a basic introduction for the benefit of those unfamiliar with its infamous traits. The key section to note here is "Flavour and odour," particularly this section:

British novelist Anthony Burgess writes that eating durian is "like eating sweet raspberry blancmange in the lavatory." Chef Andrew Zimmern compares the taste to "completely rotten, mushy onions." Anthony Bourdain, while a lover of durian, relates his encounter with the fruit as thus: "Its taste can only be described as...indescribable, something you will either love or despise. ...Your breath will smell as if you'd been French-kissing your dead grandmother." Travel and food writer Richard Sterling says:

“ ... its odor is best described as pig-shit, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock. It can be smelled from yards away. Despite its great local popularity, the raw fruit is forbidden from some establishments such as hotels, subways and airports, including public transportation in Southeast Asia."

Other comparisons have been made with the civet, sewage, stale vomit, skunk spray and used surgical swabs.



ACT TWO


Wherein in the magnificent benchilada took one for the internet, SO (WE DIDN'T) HAVE TO:

(Intermission. Feel free to take a pee and a smoke)



Back?



All right then.



ACT THREE


Wherein Hefner and his Filthy Assistants bitemetechie and darkestnova take a break from Fringing to have some pho at Vihn's Restaurant (1231 E Colonial Dr, Orlando, FL), whereupon they make a fateful discovery, the ramifications of which are still being felt to this day.

CODA

It was about eight hours later before she stopped looking pale and deathly. Her body did not reject the durian smoothie. Now it is a part of her. Just as it is a part of us all.

Forever.



(CURTAIN)

Comments

[lillbet.livejournal.com]

I had durian several times during my Asian "tour" and I wish I could describe it (sadly, Anthony Bourdain is kinda right except for the grandmother part)- sort like a raw, slightly rotten steak that's been caramelized and buttered with a side of overdone to the point of brown-ness broccoli. With a sort of orange smoothie on the side that's been made of rancid yogurt.

Not bad, really (hell, I've eaten fermented beans, raw quail eggs, and things that have been buried underground for years), but not something you want to do more than once.

[benchilada.livejournal.com]

It so very much wants to be good and delicious, doesn't it?

[lillbet.livejournal.com]

It does, doesn't it? It's like a Catholic school girl with a BDSM fetish. It tries, SO HARD, but just...

[maximkovalenko.livejournal.com]

You just won the award for description of the year :)

[lillbet.livejournal.com]

Awww ♥

That and a bit of Duct tape and you've made my night! :)

[wulfsbane.livejournal.com]

Are you sure of that? Maybe his grandmother DOES taste like durian.